Back in Jack

Monster Men Ep 12: What Scares You?

2012-01-09T14:31:00.002-05:00

Check out the new episode of Monster Men and see what childhood movies, TV shows and other things that go bump in the night helped mold Hunter and I into the Monster Men. Then post your comments and tell us what scared you as a kid. What shows, movies or stories kept you awake at night with the light on?

Go to Facebook.com/monstermen13 at post your comments.

Monster Men Ep 11: Vampire Books to Die For

2012-01-02T12:07:00.002-05:00

Looking for a vampire book that doesn't suck? Check out the latest episode of Monster Men.

Monster Men Ep 10: Chiller Theatre 2011 Review

2011-11-28T11:22:00.003-05:00

Elvira, Dr. Zaius, Jaws, Michael Myers, Freddy and a mini Human Centipede all with Hunter & Jack in the same place at once? It's the 2011 Chiller Theatre Convention episode, including tons of photos, stories and celebrity sightings.

Monster Men Ep 9: Halloween-a-Palooza 2011

2011-11-20T11:50:00.002-05:00

A look back at Halloween 2011: Possibly the funniest episode of Monster Men so far... Fan submitted Halloween photos past and present are featured, along with some funny stories about our favorite holiday. Plus, the debut of The Mini Monsters and the unveiling of the new Monster Men logo by Jerry Mulcahy.

Monster Men Ep 8: Freddy & Jason - Then and Now

2011-10-27T22:50:00.003-04:00

A salute to Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees: Just in time for Halloween, the Monster Men dedicate a show to these two legends. Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th are two of the biggest horror franchises in movie history. And both recently were rebooted. In this episode, we discuss our opinions on the newest versions of these horror icons and share some memories about the original movies.

And if you like the Monster Men Video Podcast, please head over to Facebook and Like us at Facebook.com/monstermen13

Paranormal Activity 3 Movie Review by the Monster Men

2011-10-23T23:29:00.001-04:00

Paranormal Activity 3: The third installment of the Paranormal Activity series is here and the Monster Men, Hunter Shea & Jack Campisi, brave the dark theater to check it out.

To see more Monster Men videos, check out our MonsterMen13 YouTube channel or look up Monster Men on Facebook.

Movie Review: The Thing (2011)

2011-10-17T21:33:00.015-04:00

Here's the Monster Men movie review of the remake of The Thing... I mean "prequel" of the 1982 John Carpenter classic sci-fi/horror flick, The Thing starring Kurt Russell. The 1982 version set the bar so high that anyone who loves that one will not find much new ground covered. It's got it's moments, but the CG seems lazy and kills the mood in many places.

If you have never seen the original... or the real original; the 1951 The Thing from Another World, you might like the new version. But only the first 20 minutes of this new version are a prequel. After that it's pretty much a retread of the 1982 version... but not as good.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead does a good job with what she's given, but her role lacks the edge of Kurt Russell or the boldness of Ripley from Alien... the mold in which her character was cast from.

So take the Monster Men review from the perspective of two lovers of the 1982 version... but when in doubt, there's always something fun about a seeing a horror movie.

2011

McCready and an unwanted guest from the 1982 The Thing.

Some "Thing" in the way he moves...

The Thing From Another World - 1951

Monster Men Halloween Fan Photos

2011-10-16T08:01:00.002-04:00

Send us your Halloween photos! Great costumes, embarrassing, funny... you name it. From the past or this year. We'll be posting some on the Facebook page and using others in a post Halloween episode in November.

Monster Men Ep. 7: Trick or Treat? October means Halloween

2011-10-11T13:57:00.005-04:00

It's October, and that means a Halloween episode of Monster Men to kick off the season. This might be our best one yet. Look for some classic costumes from Halloweens past in this one.

Monster Men Ep. 6: In the Forest of Shadows

2011-10-05T14:13:00.002-04:00

What terror dwells in the Forest of Shadows? The Monster Men, Hunter Shea and Jack Campisi, delve deep into the woods as they discuss the release of Hunter's new novel, Forest of Shadows. We also get to hear about Hunter's interview with Diana Navarro at the Manhattan Bistro, a fine dining establishment and home to a haunted well.

To check out Forest of Shadows, visit www.samhainpublishing.com or www.huntershea.com.

Monster Men Ep. 5: Tuning Into Terror

2011-09-29T17:27:00.006-04:00

The new Monster Men Podcast is up. Were you a fan of "In Search Of", "The Night Stalker" or "Tales from the Darkside?" This time we discuss some of our favorite scary shows from our childhood and some of the current shows that carry on the tradition.

Monster Men Ep. 4: The Queen Mary is Scary

2011-09-08T14:47:00.004-04:00

The new Monster Men podcast is up. Check out the recap of Hunter's spooky night on the Queen Mary, a world famous ship, floating hotel and haunted attraction. And don't forget to tell your ghost-loving friends about the podcast!

Monster Men Ep. 3: Talk of the Living Dead

2011-08-21T12:44:00.011-04:00

The latest Monster Men video podcast is up. This time around, Hunter Shea and I talk about all things Zombie, including our favorite movies, books and shows. So barricade yourself in good and tight, and be sure you have plenty of food, water and weapons and join us for the Talk of the Living Dead.

Check out Hunter's blog at : www.huntershea.com

Monster Men Ep 2: Putting the BOO in Boob Tube

2011-08-07T22:10:00.012-04:00

Check out the latest episode of the Monster Men video podcast. Hunter Shea and I talk about our favorite paranormal shows... and maybe a few that scared us away. And you'll hear about Hunter's ghostly encounter in Spain.

For more info, check out www.huntershea.com.

Monster Men Ep 1: Vampires Kinda Suck

2011-07-14T22:04:00.006-04:00

Check out the new video podcast series that I am a part of along with my pal, horror author Hunter Shea. We'll be covering all kinds of topics like horror, the paranormal, sci fi, super heroes, movies, books and other pressing issues. I hope you enjoy...

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T10:01:00.002-04:00

Oh, The Horror: Dracula Has Risen From the Grave

2010-10-17T12:23:00.003-04:00

Just in time for my horror movie kick, I stumbled upon a couple of the classic Hammer Dracula movies on AMC the other night. I caught the last 20 minutes of Dracula: Prince of Darkness (1966) and then Dracula Has Risen From the Grave (1968) in it’s entirety.

Dracula Has Risen From the Grave actually picks up where Prince of Darkness leaves off. Dracula meets his demise by falling into an icy river. (Remember the old vampire rule about running water? They cashed it in here.) But like Han Solo at the end of Empire, he’s not dead, he’s just frozen. Dracula Has Risen From the Grave starts in a village at the foot of the mountains where the Count’s castle looms over... casting an evil shadow on the villagers. A young boy finds a victim of the count hanging in a church, and is traumatized to the point of being mute for the rest of his life. We then fast forward a year, presumably past the events of Prince of Darkness, to a time when Dracula has been destroyed. But the town is still affected by the shadow of the castle, and the church and it’s priest are having a crisis of faith.

When the Monsignor comes to town and realizes the situation, he decides to trek up to the castle and perform an exorcism to restore the spirit of the congregation. But for some reason, the road the castle no longer exist and so the Monsignor and the priest have to hike all the way up. As they get closer, the priest has a panic attack and refuses to venture all the way up to the doors of the castle. While the Monsignor performs the ceremony and seals the castle doors with a large metal cross, a storm rolls in and the priest falls down and bleeds into a steam. Unfortunately, it happens to be the exact spot where Dracula is frozen in a block of ice. The blood seeps into his mouth and before you know it, the count is thawed out and back in action. And his clothes look great for being wet and frozen for a year. (Meanwhile, when I put on a dress shirt it’s wrinkled before I walk out the door.)

I don’t intend on writing a blow by blow synopsis of the movie, but I wanted to make a point. This movie takes a long time to get going. Dracula doesn’t even show up until well into the first act of the film.

Once the Count realizes he can’t get into his pad, he decides to take revenge on the Monsignor and follows him back to his home town... with his latest Renfield-like slave, the priest, in tow. In town, we meet the Monsignor’s hot niece and her boyfriend, a feisty fellow who works in the tavern/bakery. Dracula quickly sets his sites on the niece and also bites and enslaves the busty tavern girl.

Lee’s Dracula is a real departure from Lugosi. No accent, much more vicious and just loves to enslave and hypnotize people. And he’s got those awesome, angry red eyes. Although he rustles up the lust with the ladies, there is very little romance with him. At one point he smacks the tavern girl when she questions him. Why if his cape was covered in fur, Drac could probably pass as a pimp.

One great moment comes when Drac secures a new coffin for himself. He simply has his priest-slave dig up a grave and he tosses the occupying stiff aside. Another example of the inglorious existence of the vampire.

I love these old Hammer flicks, but compared to modern films, they can seem a bit slow at times. The main problem with this film is that the protagonists are pretty lame and we don’t care about them a whole lot. The bakery boy and the Monsignor both are not compelling adversaries for the Count compared to Professor Van Helsing. Hopefully the next old Hammer film I see will be one of the Peter Cushing entries. (Perhaps the screen's greatest Van Helsing.) But still, it’s always fun to catch a Christopher Lee Dracula movie. He is by far the most terrifying of all screen versions of the Count.

And that leads me to the next movie on the list, one that is chock full of interesting and compelling characters. Up next, Let Me In.

Oh, the Horror: Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter

2010-09-28T20:58:00.004-04:00

The next horror movie on my quest is Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter, a low budget Hammer film from 1974. Like a lot of old movies like this, I remember it well, but I am not sure if I ever actually saw it. I watched a lot of these Hammer films as a kid at midnight on WOR, channel 9 in New York. So I’d often fall asleep or only see bits and pieces of the movies because I was switching back and forth from Saturday NIght Live. And flipping channels back then required more work since you had to walk up to the TV and turn a knob. So you tended to stay with a show longer than you might these days.

But even if I never actually saw Captain Kronos, I was fully aware of him. Pictures from this film were a staple in the movie monster books that I so loved.

A friend, and fellow horror fan, lent me the DVD recently and I finally got around to watching it. Wow, I just watched The NIght Stalker, which is a bit dated, but still holds up and seems practically new in comparison. Captain Kronos, is an absolute blast into the 70’s horror past. It’s got it all; buxom maidens in the old English countryside being victimized by a youth stealing vampire, cheesy, technicolor special effects and a swashbuckling swordsman for a hero. There’s even an angry mob.

The plot revolves around the home village of Dr. Marcus, that seems to have a slight vampire problem. Luckily, Marcus has a buddy named Captain Kronos (Horst Janson), who happens to be a professional vampire hunter. (I wonder if Kronos ended up in that vocation as a result of a Myers Briggs test.)

Captain Kronos is a former soldier and still wears some sort of hybrid calvary/pirate outfit. With his lovely, flowing blonde hair, could double for a member of ABBA. He pals around with his sidekick, Professor Grost (John Cater), a hunchbacked combination of Professor Van Helsing and Marty Feldman’s Igor. And with his whiskers and top hat, he has a striking resemblance to Mr. Barnaby, the villain from March of the Wooden Soldiers.

I am glad I chose this movie right after The Night Stalker, because as I mentioned in that write up, one of the things I liked about that movie was that the vampire had no power of hypnosis. In this movie, the vampire’s primary weapon is it’s ability to mesmerize people. And you know when it’s happening because you hear that classic “hypnotizing” music whenever it’s happening.

Captain Kronos himself is quite the stud and manages to pick up a hot chick from the town’s stockades in the first few minutes of the movie. Carla, the gypsy girl, is played by Caroline Munro. She is one of the classic beauties from the Hammer era and is simply drop dead gorgeous. (Pardon the expression.) You may remember her from The Spy Who Loved Me, among other films.

Captain Kronos is the absolute opposite of The NIght Stalker’s bumbling Carl Kolchak. He’s a swashbuckling, puffy shirt wearing warrior with a personal vendetta against fanged bloodsuckers. And he’s so “randy” that at one point he actually gets distracted from hunting the vampire by his hot cohort long enough to allow another villager to get attacked and killed by a vampire bat. Hey.. a man has to have priorities.

The climax of the movie involves a sword fight in a room full of statue-like, hypnotized people... in fact, Kronos even manages to turn the head vampire’s beguiling power against itself thanks to his reflective sword.

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter is quite dated, and downright funny in places, as many movies from this era tend to be. But it’s exactly the kind of movie I want to see as I explore the horror landscape throughout the years. But probably the most important lesson I learned from this experience is this: Puffy pirate shirts allow for a lot of flexibility in a sword fight... and the village maidens really dig 'em.

Oh, the Horror: The Night Stalker

2010-09-26T12:09:00.004-04:00

This morning I decided that the next horror movie I’d watch would be one of my favorites and one that helped mold me as a fan of the genre; The Night Stalker, starring Darren McGavin as Carl Kolchak, an investigative reporter in Las Vegas who comes to realize that the killer that is eluding them is actually a vampire. I’ve seen this one a bunch of times and own it on DVD. But It’s been a couple of years since I’ve watched it, so I popped it in. (If you have not seen it and don’t want to read spoilers, turn back now.)

I am a huge Kolchak fan. I was first exposed to him when the TV series, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, debuted when I was a kid. It was the show that inspired the X Files and my favorite show growing up. It all started with this 1972 made for TV movie.

There is so much to love about this movie. First of all, Darren McGavin’s portrayal of Kolchak is the foundation on which everything else is built. With his trademark straw hat, seersucker suit, quick wit and disregard for authority, the bumbling Kolchak was the opposite of the prototypical alpha-male you’d expect in the hero's role.

Another fun thing about this movie is the parade of stars from the era. The beautiful Carol Lynley, Kolchak’s only serious love interest in the character’s screen history, whom you probably remember from The Poseidon Adventure. Claude Akins, TV’s Sheriff Lobo and Larry Linville, Frank Burns from MASH. And of course, the other actor who completes the Kolchak picture, Simon Oakland, who plays Carl’s volatile boss, Tony Vincenzo.

Upon this viewing, a few things struck me. The villain of this movie is the vampire Janos Skorzeny, but like in JAWS or The Silence of the Lambs, the protagonist also has to wrestle against the establishment. In this case it’s the local police and government who will do anything to keep the truth from being revealed.

Let’s talk about Janos Skorzeny, the vampire. He’s played by Barry Atwater, and he does not say a word throughout the entire movie. Although, one witness does describe his unpleasant voice, so we know he can actually talk. When we do see Skorzeny, he is usually killing another victim, on the run, stealing blood from the hospital or tossing cops around like rag dolls. It’s a far cry from the gothic, brooding, romantic vampires that litter the genre, particularly now in the Twilight era. Skorzeny is one of the coolest vampires ever because he truly acts like a vile creature who must drink blood to live. He does not have chiseled good looks nor the power to hypnotize his victims. He brutally overpowers them and then tosses their husks aside when he is done. It’s a fascinating concept. I’d love to see a movie of how Skorzeny first became a vampire and how he managed to survive throughout the years. It is alluded to in the movie and also revealed in his modus operandi. He kills some victims but eventually captures one and keeps her bound and alive with blood transfusions. It’s not pretty, which an existence of drinking human blood certainly wouldn't be.

The best part of The Night Stalker is the climax of the movie, when Kolchak discovers the house where Skorzeny lives. He instructs his source to notify his FBI friend Bernie Jenks, but only after 30 minutes, so he can sneak in and get the scoop. When Kolchak enters the dark, creaky house, you get a feeling of dread similar to when Clarice Starling heads down into the basement after Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs. The suspense builds as Kolchak explores the house, finding the vampire’s stockpile of blood in the fridge along with the various disguises he uses to do his dirty work in the dresser. Then, he discovers one on the victims, still alive and tied to a bed. She weak, pale and her neck is ravaged. Skorzeny is using her as a personal blood bank. But just as Kolchak begins to untie her, Skorzeny comes home. Kolchak hides in the closet, but it’s not long before he is discovered and is being stalked around the house by the fang baring fiend. Kolchak is able to keep Skorzeny at bay with a cross... a concept that has sadly been abandoned by many modern incarnations of vampires.

Rent the movie to see how it all turns out and then go pick up the TV series and check out one of the most pivotal, albeit short-lived, franchises in horror history.

Re-watching The Night Stalker was a welcome walk down memory lane and a reminder of why I love this stuff so much.

Oh, the Horror: Drag Me to Hell

2010-09-18T12:42:00.007-04:00

My horror movie odyssey begins with Drag Me to Hell, the 2009 film directed by Sam Raimi, the man who brought us the classic Evil Dead movies and also brought Spiderman to the big screen. It stars Alison Lohman, Justin Long (The I’m a Mac guy.) and Lorna Raver. It’s about a young, up and coming loan officer who evicts an old woman from her home in order to impress her boss and finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse. 

I had wanted to see this movie for a while now. After all, it was the return to the horror genre for Sam Raimi. Raimi is the man behind the beloved Evil Dead trilogy, the campy horror series that mixed cheesy, over the top effects with genuine shocks and lots of humor. And he made Bruce Campbell a hero to a whole generation of horror geeks. 

Drag Me to Hell was pretty much what I expected it to be. And over the top, roller-coaster ride that is almost more of a live action cartoon. You could almost call it Evil Dead: The Next Generation. There were plenty of jump-out-of-your seat moments, but there are more gross-out moments involving old lady phlegm, slime, nose bleeds and bugs than anything else. The mix of classic Raimi cartoonish special effects, outrageous fight scenes between angry spirits and their intended victims and a scene stealing goat make this movie a fun ride. 

It was also funny to see what Raimi would do with the improved technology for special effects. CGI did not exist when he made the Evil Dead movies, so I found myself wondering how he would have pulled off some of those shots back in the old days. Luckily, he also sticks to some old favorites, like puppets, white contact lenses and frenetic camera work. 

While I got a kick out of Drag Me to Hell I was surprised it got 92% fresh tomatoes on RottenTomatoes.com. It’s a fun movie, and a welcome treat for the Evil Dead crowd, but I would expect the Average Joe on the street to dismiss it as a ridiculous and cheesy B movie. But maybe that’s its charm.

Oh, the Horror: Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein

2010-09-17T23:20:00.004-04:00

Recently I watched an old favorite of mine, the 1948 classic Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein, pairing the famous, funny duo up with horror legends Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney, Jr. as Dracula and the Wolfman. Also along for the ride is Glenn Strange as Frankenstein’s Monster. Oh man, was it great to see that movie again.

It had been more years than I care to admit since I had seen an Abbot and Costello movie and also quite a while since I had seen any of the classic Universal movie monsters. This experience made me want to go back and watch some of the old comedies like A&C, Laurel & Hardy and The Little Rascals. It also got me thinking about those old horror movies.

I grew up watching Chiller Theatre, Creature Feature and Monster Week on the 4:30 Movie. Those old Hammer horror films in particular, thrilled me and kept me awake many a night. But it occurred to me that although I was very familiar with the classic Universal Movie monsters, I really had discovered them more from the Abbott and Costello movie rather than the original films. They hardly ever showed Dracula, Frankenstein or the Wolf Man on TV, but Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein was on several times a year, usually on a Sunday on channel 5 in New York. And when they did finally show them, as a kid, they were often too slow paced for me. I preferred things like Kolchak: The Night Stalker and the 1977 BBC version of Dracula with Louis Jourdan. And I knew more about Frankenstein from Mel Brooks than I did Boris Karloff.

I also realized that since they did not show many of the old, black & white horror movies when I was a kid, I often knew them more from the piles of monster books and magazines I constantly poured over. Eventually, I saw the classics, but a there are plenty I have not seen. (Like Bride of Frankenstein. Never seen it.)

As we head into the Halloween season, I have decided to start watching more horror movies… I’ll watch some of the oldies I may have missed and re-watch some others. I’m also going to run the gamut and watch whatever tickles my fancy. I’ll keep you posted as I make progress.

First up: Drag Me to Hell. I recorded it on DVR and it’s just waiting for me to watch it. I know it’s not an old movie or a classic, but as I said, I’m going to watch a wide variety of horror flicks between now and Halloween.

(And yes, I consider September the start of Halloween season. As soon as there is the slightest chill in the air, it’s time.)

Back in the Tube Groove

2010-06-29T21:09:00.003-04:00

It’s been a while since I posted. It took a while to recover from the 24 hangover. Plus, it’s summer time and let’s face it… things slow down a little bit. But while most people will tell you to go out and get some sun, I’ll remind you to set those DVRs because there are still plenty of good shows to keep up with.

So most of the good shows are taking a break, but a few are starting up and will keep us occupied. I have been looking forward to Top Chef and wouldn’t you know it? It started and I did not realize it. I thought my DVR was all set but it did not start recording them. I have managed to record a few and I should be all caught up in a few days.

One of my other favorite shows is just about to start up again. Rescue Me starts up tonight. This is the big one. I love this show and when we last saw Dennis Leary, he was laying on the floor of his bar in a bloody heap after being shot by his uncle. You gotta love your family, huh?

Another notable happening for me on TV is that my favorite show, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, is now being shown on Comedy Central. If you are not watching this show, it’s time for you to get on board and catch up. For me it is the successor to brilliant shows like Seinfeld and Arrested Development.

I also consider the Timothy Hutton show Leverage as a guilty pleasure. That’s back with new episodes… if you are looking for some light fun.

And let’s not forget our pals at HBO. Two of the best shows are back for the summer. Entourage just came back and so did True Blood. You gotta hand it to True Blood; they have taken a tired genre like vampires and gave a shot of… fresh blood. (Sorry, that just kind of wrote itself.)

Anyway… I wanted to check in quickly, but I gotta go now. It’s almost time for Rescue Me.

Stay tuned for a better late than never look at Toy Story 3.

Se ya soon.

24: The Day is Done

2010-05-25T09:27:00.002-04:00

Well, here we are, at the end of the line. It’s the end of the day for Jack Bauer and the end of an era for television. When 24 first blasted its way onto the scene, it caught America by surprise and became a “must see” phenomenon. Over the years it may have had its ups and downs, but what rollercoaster ride doesn’t have those? And that’s what 24 was; one hell of a rollercoaster ride. For a few years now, I have been writing weekly recaps of this show, and was lucky enough to experience both the great moments and the groaners with you all.

24 limped through the first half of this season, but started to pick up steam in the second half and was back to its finest form by the home stretch. When it all came to a close tonight, it was not just the end of the season, it signaled the end to my weekly recaps and my standing Monday night dates with you guys. Sure, I will continue to write on my blog on the variety of goofy things that pop into my mind… and I will probably pick another show to follow. (When does Top Chef start?) But there will never be another show like 24, that gripped you enough to you keep coming back and corny enough to always take the ridiculous things they dished out with a roll of the eyes and a smile. We will always have our inside 24 jokes and our catch phrases, like ”Dammit Chloe!”

I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who has read my blog over the years. It has been a blast. I never thought something I write off the top of my head, late at night when I should be sleeping, would catch on, but I have had an amazing ride. I am often referred to as the “24 Guy” and have countless, hilarious conversations at parties with other fans of the show. Thanks to this blog I have met new people and have received complimentary emails from folks I have never met, from all over. I was even mentioned on the radio in Boston. (Shout out to WBCN.) Many Monday nights have been filled with text messages back and forth between my friends, fueled by that night’s episode. I have chatted with an actress from the show, been sent photos of the cast on the set from friends and even befriended the guy at Fox who cuts the trailers for the show. Maybe not quite as exciting as a day in the life of Jack Bauer, but it has been an extraordinary experience for me. So I want to take a minute and thank you all, I really do appreciate the support.

So keep an eye on my blog as I am still open for business, and check out the Purple Goldfish Project to watch my marketing video podcasts. (If you like that kind of stuff.)
Jack Bauer is going dark, but I am not.

And of course, I will see you in line on opening night of the 24 movie.
So without further ado, here are the last two hours of 24.

(Note: Scroll down to 2pm and then come up for 3pm.)

24- Season 8.24: Let’s Call it a Day

2010-05-25T09:22:00.005-04:00

3pm

So it all comes down to this. For eight seasons, Jack Bauer has always saved the day. Now he has one more hour to go. He is public enemy number one, with a shoot-to-kill order slapped on his head by his one time friend, Madame President, who has turned to the dark side like Anakin Skywalker in a dress.

Jack Bauer has been on a bloody crusade to take down everyone involved in the terrorist attack on New York, the assassination of Hassan Chop and most of all, the murder of his beloved Agent Lohan. Now, from his sniper nest across the street, he has Charles Milhous Logan in his sites, and has the leader of the Russian Alliance on his way into the room where he can cut off the two heads of the serpent behind all of this mess. As Yuri steps into Jack’s sites, Chloe awakes from the sleeper hold applied by Jack, only to find herself handcuffed to a railing. She pleads with Jack not to take the shot and argues that what he is about to do will only serve as an act of war. Jack points out that they drew first blood yesterday. Then Chloe plays the “R Card” and tells Jack that this is not what Renee would have wanted. These are the magic words that make Jack’s heart grow three sizes, kind of like the Grinch… making Chloe the Cindy Loo Who of this scenario.

But instead of riding a sled full of presents down to the UN plaza, Jack un-cuffs Chloe and orders her to shoot him. WHAT????

Jack knows that the Fresh Prince has ordered a team of CTU agents into the building and that they have orders to use deadly force. He makes Chloe promise to do whatever it takes to help him uncover the truth and then hands her a gun and orders her to pull the trigger. Chloe protests but Jack continues to scream, “Chloe, pull the trigger.” Finally, Chloe obeys, just before Jack turns his gun on himself and the CTU cops burst through the door. Jack goes down, but is not dead. We learn later that the bullet went straight through and missed any vital organs… and that Chloe just got lucky with that shot. Only Jack Bauer can consider getting shot in the shoulder “lucky”.

Jason Pillar is found in the SUV and heads straight up to intercept Chloe before she can leave the scene. He notices that the memory card on Jack’s recorder is missing, so he frisks Chloe… and cops a feel while he’s at it. He finds nothing, and we all wonder if Chloe has smuggled the card in the same way Christopher Walken hid that watch in Pulp Fiction. But it turns out she simply hid it in the battery slot of her phone. She races to a computer in the UN command center and starts to upload the recording for widespread distribution. Meanwhile, as Pillar plans to cart Jack off, Jack pulls off his oxygen mask and tries to whisper something to Pillar. Pillar leans in to hear him and Jack suddenly pulls a Mike Tyson and bites Pillar’s ear off. Furious, Pillar orders his men back to stop Chloe.

Chloe is almost done uploading the information when an agent stops her and pulls out the card, cancelling the transmission. It looks like Logan and Pillar have won. Logan, who is the Emperor to Madame President’s Darth Vader , encourages her to allow his men to kill Jack, as it is the only way to surly silence him. She does not give the order, but she does not stop him from executing it. Her journey to the dark side is complete. Logan also gives Madame President Jack’s video card but casually suggests she not even watch it. But she does, and she sees Jack’s touching video testimony about his quest for the truth, justice and how he stands for those who have fallen as a result of the events of the past day… especially Agent Lohan.

Then Madame President heads out for the signing ceremony, where Dr. Benton once again is master of ceremonies. First Yuri signs and then the pen is handed to Mama Hassan. For a moment, I thought she might stab Yuri in the throat, but instead she signs the agreement. Then it’s Madame President’s turn. She reaches for the gift pen that was Hassan Chop’s… and her heart grows three sizes, just like the Grinch. Or maybe more like Darth Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi. Instead of signing this poisonous treaty, she makes an announcement that she has been part of a conspiracy to cover up some horrible crimes and cancels the peace agreement. Shortly after, Logan’s phone rings and he knows his number is up. Pillar goes to answer the phone but Logan tells him to let it ring. Pillar realizes it’s over, so he answers the phone… knowing Madame President is on the line. But Logan is not happy with this and suddenly smashes Pillar’s head with a bottle. Then he pulls Pillar’s gun and plugs his assistant in the head. Then, in a scene right out of the Shawshank Redemption, Madame President and the authorities arrive at his door to take him away and he turns the gun on himself… just like the Warden. Ironically, the Warden in Shawshank was played by the same actor who plays Ethan on 24.

Logan does not die from the shot, but he is carted off with little hope for full recovery. (So he can show up in the movie.)

Meanwhile, the hit squad is on the way to intercept Jack’s ambulance. Madame President orders a stop on the hit, but it’s too late. Jack’s ambulance has already been attacked and Jack has been carted off in a black van by a bunch of goons in gas masks. But he’s not dead yet, and is able to be tracked by Chloe’s technical savvy and Arlo’s flying drones.

For some reason, the hit squad does not simply kill Jack at the crash site. They take him to a closed off lot under a bridge in order to execute him. Jack naturally tries to overpower his executioner and almost succeeds, but ultimately fails. So he faces death with a steely grin. But just before he is shot, a call comes in from Madame President, who orders the hit squad to stand down.

Then, on the phone, she apologizes to Jack and tells him she is coming clean, surrendering to the authorities and resigning as Commander in Chief. The Russians will be held accountable and justice will be served. Mission accomplished, yet again Mr. Bauer.

Madame President then suggests Jack get out of the country as both the American’s and the Russians will be hunting him. (Just like Batman at the end of Dark Knight.)

Then Jack, speaking into the phone and looking into the camera of the drone, talks to Chloe. He thanks her for always having his back, and tells her he knows she always has his best interests at heart. He tells her to protect his daughter and family and then he bids her farewell as the picture fades from the screen.

Then Jack Bauer heads off of the grid and into the sunset. The next time we see him, it will be on the silver screen. 24 the series is over, but the hunt for Jack Bauer continues.

He’s a cowboy. On a steel horse he rides.
And he’s wanted… dead or alive.

24- Season 8.23: It’s the Final Countdown

2010-05-25T09:19:00.001-04:00

2pm

First of all, there were no surprise appearances by any of our old favorites… no Aaron Pierce, no Mike Novik, no Wayne Palmer and most of all no Tony Almeida. And Bill Buchanan and Edgar are still dead. Not even a call from President Logan’s nutty ex-wife. Oh well, that would have been nice, but we still got plenty of action tonight.

The second-to-last hour of 24 opens with Chloe, Arlo and the Fresh Prince trying to track down Jack. The Prince heads to Ricker’s apartment. Cole thermal scans the joint, but does not catch Rickers off guard. Rickers sees him on his monitors and starts to erase all of his files, including the evidence that would solve all of the problems. The Prince shoots his way and there is a standoff, but Rickers eventually decides to help Cole find Jack. (The old “If Jack dies, it’s on you.” guilt trip works every time.)

Chloe heads to the UN, where she is certain Jack is going to pop-up. Yuri, the evil ruler of Russia is on his way, so Chloe buys time by having his motorcade rerouted. Meanwhile, Charles Milhous Logan decides he has to tell Madame President about Yuri’s involvement in the assassination and the attacks. They don’t make an Alka-Seltzer big enough for the case of agida that gives her.

But what about Jack? Where the heck is he? Jason Pillar gets a report that he has been injured, but there is no sign of Bauer. But like that old baseball hat you can’t seem to find, you should probably just look in your backseat. That’s where Pillar finds Jack, or I should say… Jack finds him. Jack pops up cfrom behind him with a gun and a plan. Then, as the most dangerous backseat driver EVER, Jack instructs Pillar to drive to the empty building across from the UN building while he lays low in the back of the SUV. Once in the parking lot, Pillar tries to convince Jack to give up before he bleeds to death. But Jack has a better idea and forces Pillar to sutcher his wound at gun point. I wonder what the co-pay is on a procedure like that.

Instead of giving him his insurance card, Jack gives Pillar the butt of his pistol and heads for an empty room with a good view of the UN. But inside UN, even more is going on. Mama Hassan finally learns about the call from Meredith about the Russian’s involvement in Hassan Chop’s assassination. She heads straight to Madame President to see if she knows anything, and the Prez initially lies to her. Then, after more facts come to the surface, Madame President is forced to come clean and admit that it’s true and she knows about it. Mama Hassan is mortified and declares the peace agreement over. But Madame President orders her to stop as she heads for the door and threatens to send the I.R.K. back to the Stone Age for their part in yesterday’s attacks. So Mama Hassan reluctantly agrees to sign the agreement.

Meanwhile, Chloe plans to take the evidence that Jack has and broadcast to every possible outlet she can imagine, including using the CTU emailing list to spam every government agency. My suggestion would be to give the email a catchy name to be sure people open it. I would suggest using keywords like “Anna Kournikova” or “Kim Kardashian” and “bikini”. I know that would get me to open it.

Of course, for all of their collective knowledge, neither Jack, Rickers, Meredith nor Chloe has considered the most obvious route… POST THE FREAKING THING ON YOU TUBE!!! C’mon, if a clip of a little kid high on anesthesia can get a million hits, imagine what evidence of an assassination and terrorist attack could get. Meredith in particular is at fault here. She had all kinds of time to upload the video. Sent it to your Facebook page, tweet it, post it to your blog. This is not rocket science; most people can do this from an iPhone. (Or in this case, their Sprint phones.)

Back at Jack’s sniper nest, Jack sets up some cameras on the hallway and then prepares his rifle for the task at hand. Then he records a message… maybe for his daughter and granddaughter, maybe for posterity. But Arlo’s magic face recognition software picks up Jack’s reflection on a candy machine and Chloe heads in to find Jack just as Yuri’s limo approaches the UN.

Madame President and Mama Hassan greet Yuri, but Mama Hassan will not speak to him nor look him in eye. Then, suddenly, the UN becomes the ER when Dr. Benton (Eriq La Salle) shows up, with a thick accent, to MC the signing ceremony. He joins Jack’s evil brother Graem Bauer as an ER alum to make an appearance on 24. Maybe Clooney will show up in the 24 movie.

Back in the building, Chloe finds Jack’s hideout but Jack quickly disarms her. Then, as she pleads with him to stop, he shuts her up with a sleeper hold. (How many guys out there were wishing they could do that when a girl is nagging them? Dream on.) I may be off base here, but that might just be the way Jack Bauer hugs people.

Then Jack takes his position at the window with his rifle and makes a call. Logan answers his phone thinking its Pillar and nearly soils his pants again when he finds out it is Jack… and that he is caught in Jack’s sites. Jack plays Logan the incriminating tape and instructs him to call Yuri into the room.

Jack plans on killing two birds with one stone. Actually, it’s more like two bad guys with two bullets, but you know what I mean. The hour ends with Jack smiling into the scope of his rifle, awaiting the arrival of his prey.

And we head into the last hour of the day, and the series.

Scroll up for the next episode.

24- Season 8.22: No Smoking in the Limo

2010-05-18T08:30:00.006-04:00

1pm

I finally figured out what enables Jack Bauer to keep going and going like a sociopathic Energizer Bunny with a sack full of weapons. He’s been stabbed, shot, beaten, tazered, tortured and stabbed again tonight. And yet he keeps getting back up and killing people. It did not hit me until he donned that black hockey mask and stormed Logan’s limo. He’s Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th. Each “Day”, or season, of 24 actually takes place on a Friday the 13th. CTU really stands for Chrystal Lake Terror Unit.

Not buying it? Well, if you think back to seasons past, he has been beaten to the brink of death so many times, and actually died for a moment or two here and there, and always gets back up. So we have to consider the possibility that he is at least related to Jason. Remember, Jack’s brother and father turned out to be pretty bad characters, so it would not be so farfetched. But once again, I am getting ahead of myself.

We pick up with a giddy Charles Milhous Logan watching the announcement on the news about his part in the peace process. He’s ready for his close-up. But Hassan’s wife is suspicious of him. Logan gets an update on Jack’s evisceration of Pavel and the likelihood that Meredith is heading straight to her publisher. So Logan advises Madame President to order the publisher to muzzle the story. She is appalled by this notion but as usual, gives into Logan’s suggestion within 30 seconds. (When this is all said and done, I hope she has to share a cell with her daughter.) She calls in her lackey Tim and orders him to find Meredith and seize the evidence. Even Tim thinks she’s bananas and he doesn’t even know the half of it. .

Meanwhile, Chloe and Arlo get a magic video feed from Pavel’s crime scene and identify his rifle as Agent Logan’s murder weapon. As the Church lady might say, “How convenient.” Now that they know Jack is on the right side of this equation, they proceed to track down his partner in crime, Jim Rickers, who we learn was burned in a chemical fire and is currently presumed dead. But that can’t prevent Chloe and Arlo from finding his true identity and current address in about two minutes.

Meanwhile, Jack sends Meredith the Reporter off with the video card of evidence and sends Rickers back to the hideout to pinpoint Logan. Both are very leery of Jack’s plan, but go along with it. Rickers warns Jack that going after an ex-President is a losing proposition, and Jack acknowledges that he does not expect to comeback from this one. Like Bon Jovi, he’s living on a prayer and going down in a blaze of glory. But it’s his life. It’s now or never… and he ain’t gonna live forever.

So Jack dons his Dark Avenger costume, complete with black body armor and hockey mask, and descends on Logan’s limo while it’s stuck in traffic in a tunnel. Jack Bauer pulls off a one man version of the shootout in Heat. (Once again, 24 waits for its final hours to pull off some of its best moments.)

The Dark Avenger stops traffic by shooting at the cars in line. He picks off Secret Service Agents left and right, but they are sure to mention that he uses non-deadly force. At this point Logan losses it and spins into a hissy fit for the ages. Let’s just say someone is going to have to clean up the backseat of that limo, if you know what I mean. But he at least takes solace in the fact that the car is bullet proof and Jack can’t get it. But Jack climbs on the hood and blasts the windshield until there is enough of a hole to drop some tear gas in. Then he plugs the hole with his foot. I love his attention to detail. Once the car door opens, he makes off with Logan just before reinforcements arrive.

Once they are alone in the catacombs, Jack puts the screws to Logan and Logan weeps like a little girl. You gotta love the actor who plays him, Gregory Itzin. He is the best. No one plays the wimpy weasel like this guy. After a few gun-in-the-face threats and a punch or two, Logan finally spills the beans on who is behind the murder of Hassan Chop. It was Mikhail Novakovich. Once Jack has what he needs, he puts the sleeper hold on Logan and takes off just before Jason Pillar arrives. Wow. Logan has survived his encounter with Jack. Who’d a thunk it?

Meanwhile, Meredith’s publisher is confronted by the FBI, but he manages to warn her. So she calls Hassan Chops wife Dalia to tell her about the Russians. But she talks to Hassan’s daughter instead, so the news won’t reach Momma Hassan until next week. The FBI swarms in and arrests Meredith. The $24,000 question is, what will Madame President do with that video card?

Now wait… did you think Jack was done? Not quite yet. He abandons his Dark Avenger costume and rushes off to confront the Russians. First he takes a goon in parking lot and learns the lay of the land, and then he makes his charge, shooting Russian goons left and right. Using a stolen key card, he summons the private elevator. But just as the door opens one of the goons jumps out and stabs Jack. But as we know, that only pisses him off. (Logan calls things like that “just stirring up the hornets’ nest”.)

Later, when Pillar calls to warn the Russians, we see what Jack has done to them off camera. It’s a slaughterhouse and Mikhail Novakovich is stuck like a pig with a fire poker. Only one wounded bodyguard remains alive for exposition purposes.

The show ends with Logan calling the Russian President, Yuri Suvarov, to warn him about Bauer. Yuri asks if Bauer knows that he was really behind the assassination of Hassan, and Logan assures him not.

However, Jack has tapped the line and now knows everything. He heads out of an alleyway to finish his business, and leaves a blood stain on the wall, much like Dally (Matt Dillon) at the end of The Outsiders.

So next week we head into the two hour golden sunset of the 24 series.
Stay golden, Bauer Boy.
Stay golden.

Mindhunter: Opening the Book on Criminal Minds

2010-05-15T11:22:00.007-04:00

I just finished rereading a fascinating book called Mindhunter: Inside the FBI's Elite Serial Crime Unit by John Douglas (and Mark Olshaker). It was first published in 1996 and I probably first read it somewhere around 1997 to 1999. So why am I writing about a book that old and why did I go back and read it again? The reason is simple, over the winter I started watching syndicated episodes of the show Criminal Minds and my very first impression was “Oh cool, someone made a show based on Mindhunter.

It’s not the first piece of entertainment based on this book or the BAU. (That’s the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI… where the profilers work.) As a matter of fact, Jack Crawford, the character in the novel The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris, was based on John Douglas. That movie propelled profilers into the mainstream and there have been countless movies and TV shows that center around serial killers and “mind hunting” FBI agents since then.

The first thing that made me think of this book while watching Criminal Minds was the use of the term UNSUB, or Unknown Subject. It can be heard in every episode of Criminal Minds, and the first place I encountered that word was in Mindhunter. The book not only covers a number of gruesome and disturbing cases that John Douglas was involved with but also touches on his personal life and the toll a life in this world can take on one’s relationships and health. I could see bits of Douglas in several characters in Criminal Minds; most obvious is Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner, (Thomas Gibson) the head of the BAU team. He is so focused and determined in his work that it eventually costs him his marriage and strains his relationship with his newborn son. This mirrors the failed marriage of John Douglas. There are also bits and pieces of Douglas found in Jason Gideon (Mandy Patinkin) and David Rossi (Joe Mantegna). Mantegna’s character is especially reminiscent of Douglas because Rossi is supposed to be one of the founders of the BAU and has become a celebrity from the books he has written on the subject. That’s exactly who Douglas is.

I enjoy Criminal Minds, its good fun… in a sick way, I guess. It’s like a mini Silence of the Lambs each week, with a wide variety of sickos that sometime seem to push the limits of subject matter for network television. Thanks to DVR I was able to watch a good chunk of the first few seasons and so I decided to pick up Mindhunter and give it another go. One of the things about the UNSUBs on the show is that they almost always have some outrageous way of killing their victims and even more creative ways of eluding and taunting the authorities. As a viewer, you suspend belief a little bit because the more outlandish the crime, the more entertaining the show. But a funny thing happened after I started reading the book. It turns out that some of these plotlines and characters are not so far off the real thing. For instance, there is an episode where two rednecks capture women, release them into the woods and then hunt them for sport. I chalked that episode up to the old “Most Dangerous Game” plot devise. But it turns out it is based on an actual case. A guy named Robert Hansen did that very same thing for real in Alaska.

If you are a fan of Criminal Minds, you will recognize many specific moments in this book that have inspired events in the show. But be prepared, reading about the real thing can be a much more disturbing endeavor. Douglas gives us fascinating stories and insight into a lot of the more famous serial killers and some of the lesser known ones as well. He even gives us a profile of the father of all serial killers; Jack the Ripper.

Mindhunter is a good read, although it is very sobering when you realize just how many sick predators are really out there and how few of them are ever caught as quickly as they are on a TV show. Once you have read this book, when you watch a show like Criminal Minds, you will understand and appreciate the theories and methodologies of those profilers a lot more. And you just might have a little trouble sleeping at night.

24- Season 8.21: Stuck in the Middle with You

2010-05-11T08:55:00.007-04:00

High Noon

Well, it’s finally happened; Jack Bauer has gone completely bat sh*t crazy. And I love it.

The clock strikes noon. Its lunch time in New York, but Jack Bauer is only hungry for revenge. They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but Jack likes to heat it up a little… with a blow torch. But I am getting ahead of myself.

We pick up just after Jack has executed Denny. Fresh Freddie Prince has regained consciousness and is lead to the body, where identifies it for the cops before he is taken back to CTU. Meanwhile, Jack watches the video on Denny’s memory card and sees her meeting with Pavel, the man who killed Agent Lohan and the best lead Jack has to finding the head of the Russian conspiracy. He calls his wacky buddy Jim Rickers (Michael Madsen) and heads for the hideout.

Back at CTU, Logan’s mole Jason Pillar continues to call the shots and feed the Russians information. The best thing about Pillar’s presence at CTU is that it enables Chloe to go back to helping Jack. And this time Arlo joins the fun. Chloe sees way too many holes in Pillar’s explanations of his orders and actions so she begins to take steps find out what is going on. The best moment happens when Pillar is on one of his sneaky phone calls and he sees Chloe watching him through his office window. And then Pillar does what every CTU mole wishes they could have done. He has his assistant flick a switch and the windows frost over to a translucent grey… kind of like the cool bathroom doors in those swanky bars.

It’s about time an office at CTU had some privacy. This is relatively new technology, but it has been around for several years now. You wonder why they didn’t at least have shades or blinds in the old building. Chloe and Arlo also get the chance to plug a sponsors technology when they set up a private computer network with a Sprint 4G wireless card, Good luck with that, Chloe. When I had Sprint I could not talk on my cell phone in my living room. I had to go to the back of the house or use a land line.

Back at the hideout, Jack has Rickers run the video through what else? Facial Recognition software. But before Rickers will help him, he makes Jack admit what his real motivation is. And so Jack admits he wants a piece of the people who killed Agent Lohan. Satisfied with Jack’s motivation, he quickly identifies Pavel, but he can’t figure out who he works for. So Jack calls Hassan’s mistress Meredith, the blonde reporter, and offers the evidence to her so she can run with the story and blow the lid off of the conspiracy.

But CTU picks up the keywords of Jack’s conversation and sets a trap at the department store coffee shop where Jack and Meredith will be meeting. Meanwhile, at the UN, Madame President continues the peace negations with Hassan’s wife. She’s interrupted by Charles Milhous Logan, who informs her of Jack’s impending capture. Then, like a good used car salesman, he dares to be a bit pushy and asks for her to give him props for his role in keeping the peace talks on track. She reluctantly agrees, just like she does to everything he says. Madame President has replaced Denny as the most annoying character on the show. Maybe Ethan can shoot her in the chest. That would be fun.

Then Logan insists on calling Pavel himself to insure the assassination of Jack Bauer and Meredith. Pavel sets up in a spacious air duct and waits for his targets to arrive. First Meredith arrives and then finally Jack shows up. The Russian hit squad scrambles, but Jack proves elusive. They finally find him… where else, but the handbag section. Browsing new Jack Sacks, no doubt. While Pillar screams the shoot order into the phone, Pavel finally gets him in his sites. But before he can take the shot, a gun is pressed to his head by none other than Jack’s buddy Rickers. It appears the hunters have become the hunted and this whole thing was a set-up by Jack, who anticipated the hit. All hell breaks loose in the department store. A shootout erupts and pandemonium breaks out the likes of which have not been seen in that store since the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Jack bobs and weaves between mannequins and proceeds to take out all of the Russian hit squad, and he finds a great two for one deal on sweaters, but he doesn’t have time for that now. He and Rickers make their escape through a side door, with Meredith and Pavel in tow. Naturally, in the world of 24, those stupid door alarms never go off when Jack uses a side door.

Before Pillar heads over to the department store, he calls Logan with the news, Logan nearly craps a brick when he hears the news. Pillar tells him he may want to distance himself from the situation, but Logan knows the only distance between him and this situation is a straight line.

So now the fun starts. Jack gives Meredith the memory card and has Rickers take her in the next room. She senses what Jack is about to do and pleads with him not too. But nothing is going to stop Jack from getting medieval on Pavel with a pair of pliers and a blow torch, like Marsellus Wallace's boys in Pulp Fiction.

Like a scene out of Hostel, Jack goes to work on Pavel, but the Russian won’t talk. Then Jack spots his cell phone and realizes he can trace the last call back to the person pulling his strings. But the Sim Card is missing. Jack looks around and quickly figures out that Pavel has swallowed it. Bad move.

There are two ways Jack can retrieve that card. He can wait 12 to 18 hours for Pavel to poop it out or he can cut him open and get it himself. Since this show is called 24, and we only have a few hours left, option one is really not an option, so Jack goes with option two. So Jack pays back the man who cut out his heart when he killed Renee by cutting out his stomach. An eye for an eye as they say… or a heart for a stomach in this case.

The only thing that would have made this scene better is if Jack had played “Stuck in the Middle with You” while he dissected Pavel with Michael Madsen in the next room. And maybe let Rickers join in the fun and cut off an ear.

When Jack finally cleans off the card and gets it back in the phone, he dials the last number received and gets the voice mail of Charles Milhous Logan. It’s a great moment that could only have been made better if Logan had a catchy voice mail message kind of like George Costanza. (Believe or not, Logan’s not home…)

Next week, Jack comes a-calling on Logan as we head into last couple of weeks of 24.

24- Season 8.20: The Unsafest Safety Deposit Box Ever

2010-05-04T09:13:00.003-04:00

11 am

Have you ever been at a baseball game where your team is getting killed and everyone starts to leave early? A good example is the Mother’s Day Miracle when the Red Sox scored six runs in the ninth inning and ended up beating the Orioles in the most unlikely of comebacks. Some people had left the game, but some stayed. Those who stayed saw something amazing.

Tonight’s episode of 24 was kind of like the ninth inning of that May 13, 2007 game. A lot of people have given up on 24 this year and have left the stadium. But for we who have stuck with it, we have been rewarded with a gem that harkened back to the good old days when 24 ruled the world. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

We picked up with Hassan Chop’s wife giving a speech about how great her husband was and how great Madame President is. But her words only accentuates Madame President’s journey to the dark side to us the viewer. Meanwhile, the Fresh Prince has called in to Chloe and reported that he has captured Jack, although he is lying and they are actually heading to the safe house where Denny is being marinated… I mean tortured, by Bledsoe. I would remiss if I did not mention that Bledsoe is played by none other than D.B. Sweeney, who you know from your favorite figure skating movie, The Cutting Edge.

Jack & the Prince overtake a sentry on the roof. Then, once inside, Jack tricks the other guards onto the roof and coerces Denny’s location out of the head goon. When they get to her room, Bledsoe uses Denny as a shield and says if they don’t back off he’ll shoot her. His head is sticking out from behind Denny, and as he laments about how Jack won’t take the shot, Jack shoots him between the eyes… in mid-sentence. Now that’s the kind of Jack Bauer action we have been craving. Back to my baseball analogy, this is like scoring that first run. You still are pretty far behind, but there is a glimmer of hope.

Then Jack & the Fresh Prince untie Denny shoot their way out of the building. After a few minutes of Denny refusing to hand over the evidence that will expose the Russians’, Jack parks under a bridge, pulls Denny from the car and threatens to shoot her in the chest. She tells them that the evidence is in a safety deposit box that only she can access. Denny pleads with the Fresh Prince, claiming that Jack is crazy and just out for blood. Cole confronts Jack and pushes him down, like two little girls on a playground. Jack falls back on his tushie and points his gun at Cole, but then they quickly resolve their differences and head for the bank. I’m guessing since none of them have really eaten much in the past 20 hours, they will probably go right for the bowl of lollipops once they get there.

Meanwhile, Madame President continues to dig herself into a bigger hole by taking more advice from Charles Milhous Logan. This time, she agrees to let his right hand man, Jason Pillar, take over the manhunt at CTU. Of course, Logan also makes a deal with the Russians to have Pillar feed them information on the location of Jack so they can take him out. (God forbid we go too long without a mole at CTU.) Naturally, the assassin who killed Agent Lohan will be his Russian contact.

Somewhere between the U.N. and CTU, Pillar picks up a hot assistant named Eden, which makes her seem more like a Cinemax “After Dark” character than 24. Chloe is naturally miffed by this ridiculous turn of events, but like it or not, Pillar is now calling the shots… and calling the Russians with updates.

Back at the bank, Jack waits in the lobby while Fresh Freddy Prince and Denny head in to get the evidence in the safety deposit box. Once they are alone, Dana starts to sweet talk Cole and tells him that despite her actions, she’s always loved him. Although she strikes a chord with him, he won’t fall for it and proceeds to open the box. Inside, amongst other items, he finds a gun. But there is another surprise. A flash bomb suddenly goes off and stuns the Fresh Prince.

Damn, that Dana Walsh is clever. (I wonder if she is related to Brandon and Brenda Walsh.) Although she does not kill Freddie Prince, she does kill the banker and then calls the cops on Jack. Then, as Jack is being rounded up by New York’s Finest, she smiles at him and slips out.

But it will take more than two cops to stop Jack Bauer. Remember when those two cops found him snooping around that house at the beginning of the season when he was looking for that guy Davros, who was posing as a cop. Hell, they had Jack tied up in a chair and he still managed to escape. So this is nothing. He quickly gets the jump on one cop, gets the other to drop his gun and then shoots the guy in the foot. (But he is nice enough to ask someone to call an ambulance.)

Oh boy, Jack Bauer is shooting anyone in his way! Again, like that baseball game, my team is scoring some runs and this is getting good. I am glad I stuck around. And when the cop referred to Jack as “leather jacket”, I was in heaven.

So Jack heads out of the bank and chases Denny through the streets of NY, occasionally exchanging gunfire. Just another day in the Big Apple. They head into an empty building that is under construction and play a game of cat and mouse, with guns. However, Jack has extra clips and Denny does not, and Jack realizes she is getting low on ammo. She takes an elevated position to get the drop on Jack, but he bravely sacrifices his sweet leather jacket to draw her fire and empty her gun.

Once she is empty, Jack confronts her and forces her to hand over the evidence. Then she pleads for her life tries to make yet another deal with him. And Jack has a choice to make.

Remember how in The Dark Knight, we learned the Batman had one rule? He won’t kill. Well, Jack Bauer has no silly rules like that. He plugs Denny in the chest at point blank range… and then puts another in her for good measure. And the crowd goes wild!!!! Game over, we win!!!

Finally, the most annoying character of the season is killed off, and in grand Jack Bauer style.

This is the kind of moment that keeps us coming back to 24. Four more hours left. Who’s next on Jack’s list?

Oh yeah, one more thing… Happy Mother’s Day.

24- Season 8.19: Dirty Laundry

2010-04-27T07:58:00.009-04:00

This week 24 goes on the air in the air, with Jack being chased across the skies of Manhattan by the Air Force helicopters. Chloe continues to plead with Jack on the com but Jack will not respond. Jack suddenly banks hard and lands on a nearby roof equipped with a helipad.

As the pursuing choppers call in his location, Jack races down a fire escape and blends into the crowded streets just before New York’s Finest arrive on the scene. Pretty impressive since even on a crowded street you’d tend to stand out in a funky leather jacket and satchel.

Meanwhile, Madame President prepares to make a statement about the peace agreement. Nathan implores her to reconsider and he is successful. She realizes the moral implications of her actions and decides to pull out of the peace agreement and pursue the Russians through discreet means. Ethan happily heads off to prepare a statement for her. I guess that’s all taken care of.

Back at CTU, Chloe orchestrates the hunt for Jack Bauer, who has found his way into an electronics store. Jack buys a bunch of cell phones and leaves the store without even taking the chargers. The biggest break Jack gets is that he does not go to RadioShack to get the phones, because if he did, they would have asked him for his address and zip code and that would have lead CTU right to him. (Why the heck does The Shack need to know that anyway?)

Jack’s first call on one of his new cell phones is to Chloe. He explains that he needs to get to Dana Walsh. Chloe begs Jack to turn himself in, but eventually he convinces her to help him. (On the down-low, of course.) She tells Jack the President’s plan for Denny, but after she’s had a chance to think about it she calls the Fresh Prince and decides to go back on her word and set a trap for Jack. Cole wonders if they are on the wrong side of this issue, but obeys Chloe and heads off to set a trap for Jack at a CTU operated laundry facility. Poor Chloe, this sucks for her.

Jack ditches the first phone and uses another to call an old pal of his, Jim. Jim is played by Michael Madsen, or Mr. Blonde to all of you Reservoir Dogs fans out there. He’s been in a million other movies but you probably remember him from Kill Bill or maybe Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home. We first meet Jim in a dank base of operations that looks like a boiler room wired with the latest high tech gadgets. That along with his burnt neck definitely gives him a sort of Freddy Krueger vibe. Jack contacts him and calls in an old favor and then proceeds to instruct Jim to furnish him with an arsenal.

Back at the UN, we find Madame President back with her new BFF, Charles Milhous Logan. No sooner has she made her decision to pull out of the peace talks when Logan presents an alternative. He suggests that they treat Dana Walsh as a war criminal and have her detained and interrogated by an independent firm. (That he happens to have on stand-by.) This way she will stay out of the public eye while they get the information out of her. And once they do, she will have lost all validity in the public eye, so if she talks, it’s no big deal. Madame President quickly reads between the lines and realizes he is suggesting that they torture her to get the info. However, Logan’s grip over Madame President is now so powerful that it rivals Grima Wormtongue from Lord of the Rings. She actually agrees to this plan.

You remember Wormtongue, right? He’s the creepy dude who kept whispering poisonous words to the King of Rohan in order to weaken the kingdom because he secretly worked for the evil wizard Saruman. Okay, sorry, didn’t mean go nerd on you there, but that’s exactly what’s happening here.

Meanwhile, a shady dude named Bledsoe has arrived to pick up Dana, who has lost her Dr. Lecter vibe and instead freaks out at the prospect of being taken away by these guys. She knows she’s all done if she goes with them, but Chloe hands her over. And Denny is right to be freaking out, because Bledsoe fully intends to kill her after they get the information.

So Chloe feeds Jack a bogus address that leads him to a trap where the CTU agents have to navigate a maze of industrial washing machines and carts of dirty laundry in order to catch him. Chloe gives the order to use non-lethal force. Cole laughs. Yeah, right, that will work. That’s like painting a ceiling with no drop cloth and trying not to get paint on the carpet.

Jack arrives at the laundry mat and immediately takes out one of the agents. The other agents navigate the laundry maze in hopes of capturing Jack, but instead they find their colleague hanging on a bundle of dirty shirts and sheets. Jack quickly takes another agent hostage and forces the Fresh Prince to tie them up. Then he takes Cole aside and convinces him to join him on his quest for truth, justice and the American Way. He even gives Cole a gun as a show of faith. Cole naturally agrees to join him and the two leave, staging that Jack has taken him hostage.

But how did Jack know about the trap? Simple, he knows Chloe better than she knows herself and predicted she would not only turn on him out of a sense of duty, but she would also send Cole on the mission. So either Jack Bauer is brilliant or he’s a psychic… you decide.

Back at the UN, Nathan resigns in light of the President’s poor choices… and because he’s miffed that he’s no longer the BFF.

Meanwhile, Denny is brought to a secret location by Bledsoe where she is strapped down for some sort of water boarding procedure involving a ladle. I am not sure if they are torturing her or basting her. It reminded me of when someone would put Bugs Bunny in a pot of water over a fire and he would think it was a warm bath, but really they were making rabbit stew.

Next week, Soups on! The Fresh Prince and Denny are reunited… and it doesn’t feel so good.

Kick-Ass kicked... well you know.

2010-04-24T16:26:00.004-04:00

I have anxiously been waiting to see the movie Kick-Ass ever since I saw the first trailer some time ago. My anticipation went through the roof when I saw the red-band trailer that featured some of Hit Girl’s “colorful” dialog.

Well, I finally saw it and the good news is that I really liked it. The bad news, it’s a little uneven and may throw casual viewers for a bit of a loop.

I knew going in that this one of this movie’s biggest strengths, the amazing trailer, would also be one of its biggest enemies. The trailer would certainly draw a lot of people in. What’s not to love? A seemingly hilarious take on a superhero movie with a foul- mouthed, eleven year old girl who’s a killing machine and Superbad’s McLovin’ in a cape and mask.

Sure, I would be easy to please. I love comic books, sci-fi, horror and action movies and I’m a connoisseur of the superhero genre. But what about everyday people off the street. The kind that can’t tell you the names of all the different Robins in the Batman mythos. Or the difference between the Green Goblin and the Hobgoblin in the Spiderman world.

Without going into too much detail, Kick-Ass is the story of a regular, high school kid who decides to dress up like a super hero and fight crime. There are no super powers here. It’s pretty much like if you or I decided to do the same thing. We’d get weird looks from people and we’d most likely get our asses kicked. Kick-Ass takes his lumps, but thanks to the internet, becomes a huge sensation, spurring others on to similar “super heroics”. Eventually Kick-Ass crosses paths the Big Daddy and Hit Girl, two costumed adventurers with a slightly more serious motivation and a much larger arsenal. Kick-Ass also teams up with another costumed kid who calls himself Red Mist. (McLovin’) All of these characters get mixed up in a situation with the mob that escalates from fun and games to real danger very quickly.

Kick-Ass has plenty of laughs, but it’s not a non-stop, lighthearted comedy like the trailer leads you to believe. This movie has a slight edge. So while there are plenty of laughs and some fantastic elements that require some suspension of belief, there is also plenty of violence. And it’s not typical superhero movie violence. You know, like how the bad guys on the A Team would always get up and brush themselves off after their truck flipped. Here, when someone gets hit in the mouth, it hurts and they bleed. And people die. So while the violence in this movie has a fantastic element to it, it is a little more brutal than some folks might expect. It’s kind of like expecting to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but instead seeing Kill Bill.

As I said, I was fine with this. I liked that a movie that dealt with “real world” superheroes had violence with somewhat real consequences. I also thought the movie had plenty of laughs. You may love or hate Nicholas Cage, but his portrayal of Big Daddy is one of the highlights of the movie. And fans of the old Batman TV show will certainly appreciate his performance.

As you have probably heard, it’s Hit Girl that really steals this move. This is a star making performance Chloe Moretz on par with Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver, Natalie Portman in The Professional of Kirsten Dunst in Interview with the Vampire. I predict Hit Girl will be the “It” costume this year, just like The Joker was when Dark Knight came out.

Kick-Ass himself is a good character, but part of the unevenness that I alluded to is that with all of the characters in this movie, he’s not consistently the focus of the story or the action. It’s a minor complaint, but an observation worth making. I hope a sequel is in the works. There is a lot of potential for these characters in this world.

Personally, I loved Kick-Ass. If you want a fun movie with plenty of action, some good laughs and a bit of an edge, I highly recommend it.

(By the way, the people who held the mantle of Robin were: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Tim Drake and Carrie Kelly.)

24- Season 8.18: Corpse Bride

2010-04-20T08:52:00.008-04:00

9 am

The year is 24 A.R.
That’s A.R., for After Renee. We are heading into the home stretch of the season and the series of 24. What else could we possible ask for than an angry Jack Bauer going rogue? But as usual, I’m getting ahead of myself.

We pick up at a quiet moment between Jack & Renee in the morgue. It’s quiet because Jack is in shock and Renee is toast. For a second I was hoping for a creepy Last Dance with Mary Jane moment, but the opportunity quickly passes when the ER staff comes to cart Renee off. And they are nice enough to furnish Jack with some fresh clothes. I wonder if that’s covered under President Taylor’s healthcare plan, and if so, what’s to co-pay on that snazzy shirt?

Speaking of healthcare, how about that Ethan? After almost dying of a cardiac arrest about an hour or two ago, he is not only back on his feet, but he’s dressed and ready for work. How does he do it? He must use Airborne or something. However, he almost has another heart attack when he hears that Madame President has allowed Charles Milhous Logan to intervene with the Russians without disclosing the nature of the leverage he has on them. No kidding Ethan, but remember that you recommended that she speak with him in the first place. Knucklehead. I think the both of you suffer from massive Brain-Farts more than any other ailment.

Meanwhile Chloe, the new head of CTU, reluctantly tells Jack about Agent Lohan’s suspicions of the Russian mob and the fact that Sergei is being arraigned nearby. Sergei, of course, is our Russian friend from earlier this season. You know… the guy who shot his own son. Well, apparently family has become a little more important to him since he was arrested, because he ends up giving Jack information in exchange for protection for his family. (Seems to me they’d be pretty safe with him behind bars.) All he can tell him is that the Russian government is behind the events of the day and that Denny is the one with all the information. She works for the Russians and that’s how she got into CTU in the first place. (I know, still ridiculous, but let’s just roll with it.)

Chloe sets up an interrogation session for Jack with Dana Lecter (I just decide that’s her new nickname, based on the cell they keep her in and the constant evil stare she holds on the surveillance cameras.) Wary that Jack might do something rash, Chloe asks Cole to monitor the session, just in case Jack gets out of hand. Jack wastes no time and almost immediately starts to beat information out of Dana Lecter. Chloe turns to Cole, but the Fresh Prince says to let Jack keep going.

Well DUH! What did you expect him to do? If your ex-fiancé, who just broke your heart and betrayed you and your country, was getting the snot kicked out of them, what would you do? LET ‘ER RIP! That’s what you would do. After a few cuts & bruises Dana predictably plays the immunity card one more time. She will spill the beans about all the players in the Russian government if she gets her deal back. Jack, knowing Madame President like he does, assumes it’s a slam dunk. It’s like asking the Silly Rabbit if he wants some Trix. Of course he does. But what Jack does not realize is that “Tricky Dick” Logan is up to his old trix and has blackmailed the Russians back to the peace table.

Once Charles Milhous Logan learns that Jack Bauer is talking to Dr. Lecter, he realizes he has to shut him up, so he meets with Madame Presidents and ends up telling her about the Russian’s involvement. Naturally, she is appalled, but eventually seduced by Logan to keep her mouth shut in the interest of the peace agreement and the greater good. Ethan protests, but his heart is just not in it. (Get it? Ethan, Heart?)

So Madame President heads to CTU to personally tell Jack to stand down. Before she meets with Jack she finally comes face-to-face with Chloe. It’s amazing that these two have never actually shared a scene together before. It’s kind of like Bill Murray and Chevy Chase in Caddyshack. It wasn’t until they were in the middle of filming the movie that they realized the two did not have a scene together, so the writers whipped one up and let the two improv their way to one of the most memorable moments in the movie. Unfortunately, our girls don’t down any cannonballs, but Chloe’s visible uneasiness is amusing.

When Madame President informs Jack of her decision to cover up the Russian’s involvement, he is shocked and mortified. He says he wants justice, but she counters by saying she wants peace. Jack reminds her that the Russians can’t be trusted. He should save his breath. This is the woman who put her eggs in Logan’s basket.

She orders Jack back to McGuire Air Force base for debriefing. I wondered if that is named after slugger Mark McGuire, and if so, what would happen if Jack Bauer got a hold of some of those steroids. Dear God.

But Jack doesn’t need steroids. He’s got three things on his side… justice, love and wrath. Oh, and he also got the Jack Sack back and his Starsky & Hutch peanut butter brown leather jacket. So he has that going for him too. Which is nice.

So as Jack is lead out, he snags a gun from his guard and hijacks the helicopter. Chloe races outside and orders the agents to hold their fire. Then she radios Jack and tells him to land immediately. When he feeds her static, she gives the order to have the air force engage and force Jack to land.

Fasten your seatbelts, like Sarah Palin in a fly leather jacket, Jack Bauer has gone rouge.

Next week, it all hits the fan… or rather the chopper blades, as Jack has a dog fight over Manhattan and continues to pursue Renee’s killer. And we head into the final six hours of the day.

See you next week.

Oh yeah… I saw Kick Ass tonight as well. I will post a review later this week. But I will tell you right now, expect to see a ton of Kick Ass and Hit Girl costumes this Halloween.

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What did you think? Post a comment below or drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com.

24- Season 8.17 – Going Out With a Bang

2010-04-13T09:47:00.008-04:00

8 am

Damn you 24. Damn you straight to hell. You had to take her, didn’t you? Damn you.
So much for my happy ending. But as usual, I’m getting ahead of myself.

This week picks up with a distraught Jack Bauer, who feels he has failed both Hassan and Madame President. As Hassan’s body is removed from the scene, so is the leader of the bad guys, who is wounded, but should make it. But one of the EMTs is really a Russian spy and he injects the terrorist with some poison when the Fresh Prince is not looking. Agent Lohan sees the spy leaving and recognizes him, but she can’t place the face. But the Russian remembers her from their days in the mob. And why wouldn’t he? She’s freaking hot.

So Jack & Renee head home to Jack’s Love Shack while Cole heads back to CTU. Meanwhile, one of Hassan’s underlings suggests that Hassan’s wife be appointed the new leader of their country. I just knew that was gonna happen. So while one leader is appointed, another is fired. In light of all the failures and compromises, Bubba Hastings is relieved of his duties. In light of the day’s events, that seems like a good business decision. However, until a replacement can be appointed, they appoint Chloe as the temporary head of CTU. Now Chloe has made some brilliant and bold moves throughout the day, but she’s been working for at least 17 hours straight AND she has obvious personality issues… you know, she’s a little nuts. You’re telling me there is no night/day shift leader at CTU that relieves Bubba, like Eckley on CSI?

Meanwhile, back at Mr. Bauer’s place, Renee and Jack finally seal the deal. All it took was a few minutes alone and Renee letting her hair down. You know Jack was thinking “If you are impressed with what I can do in 24 hours, wait until you see what I can do in 24 minutes, baby.”

Little does our happy couple realize that they have been followed by the Russian spy and he is watching them from a sniper nest in an apartment across the street. Sure, he could have taken the shot at anytime, but wouldn’t you watch the “show” too?

Back at CTU, just as Bubba hands the reigns over to Chloe, the Fresh Prince arrives with the terrorist. As Bubba drives off, the bad guy suddenly flat lines. Right off the bat, Chloe has been thrown into the fire. But she steps up and orders an immediate toxicology on the body, to see if he was assassinated. Either she is smarter than I gave her credit for, or she also watches too much CSI… because they do that kind of thing all the time.

At the same time, another patient has made an amazing recovery. Ethan, just minutes off a heart attack, looks great. His hair isn’t even messed up. He’s ready to get back to work. Madame President is worried because the Russian delegate has been threatening to pull out of the peace talks, despite the fact that they have been salvaged by Hassan’s wife. Without the Russians, the agreement won’t work. So Ethan suggests they call in a person with strong ties to the Russians… Ex-President Charles Milhous Logan. Logan has offered to help.

Although reluctant, Madame President agrees. We all roll our eyes. Trusting Logan is like taking diet tips from the Burger King. Tossing better judgment to the wind, Madame President allows Logan to help, even though he won’t disclose what his exact plan is. Oh yeah, this should work out juuuust fine.

Back in Jack’s sack, the bed, not the bag, the happy couple snuggles after a passionate roll in the hay. It’s so romantic; Renee observes the scars on Jack’s body while Jack observes the scars on Renee’s psyche. Then Jack gets up to fetch a pail of water… oh wait, that’s Jack & Jill. Jack gets up to get something to drink when Chloe calls to tell him about the murder of the terrorist. Renee answers the phone and remembers the suspicious EMT. As she is telling Chloe about her suspicions of the Russian mob, she is picked off by the sniper. She collapses in a bloody bed sheet.

Jack freaks out, grabs her and rushes down to the lobby with Agent Lohan dying in his arms. He manages to get them into a cab and they Tokyo Drift their way to the nearest hospital. Jack, covered in his lover’s blood, waits helplessly while they try to save Renee. Chloe calls him and tells him about the Russian mob connection, but he has to hang up when the doctor comes out.

It’s bad news. They couldn’t save her.

Once again, someone has loved Jack Bauer and now they are dead. This is why Batman and Spiderman have secret identities. And also why Batman only hooks up with chicks in the Bat Cave. No windows.

And once again, one of our favorite characters on 24 has been killed off. (Unless she just faked her death, like Tony Almeida. One can always hope…) I understand the dramatic impact that the death of a major character has on a TV show, by why does 24 always kill the interesting characters and leave us with the lame ones. (Hello, Dana & Arlo.)

So with six hours to go in the series, Jack Bauer will now be out for justice. I pity the fools who are responsible for Renee’s death. This should be fun.

Rest in Peace, Agent Lohan. You were the best thing to happen to 24 in two seasons, and you will be missed.

Let’s have a moment of silence for Renee Walker.

See you next week.

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What did you think? Post a comment below or drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com.

24- Season 8.15 & 16 – Cole and Dana Break Up and Hassan Gets a Sore Throat

2010-04-13T08:31:00.001-04:00

6 & 7 am

Okay, I finally caught last week’s two part 24 on DVR. Here is a quick recap and some thoughts. It was a two episode event that featured Denny in full fledged mole mode. Now that we know she’s a mole, she uses her evil mole face all the time.

Jack has rescued Hassan Chop from the strike team, but Hassan decides to put the lives of New York in front of his own, and he willingly turns himself over to the bad guys. But first he knocks Jack out, because Jack would never let him do that.

An operation takes place to ambush the bad guy driving away with Hassan Chop, but the car makes an unexpected turn right before the trap. Jack chases them, but the car drives off the roof. But Hassan is not in the car, he’s been switched. Tarin, however, is really dead this time. Jack grabs his phone, knowing he had to be tipped off.

They trace some calls and figure out Denny the mole. She tries to shoot her way out of CTU, but the Fresh Prince captures her. Bubba stops him from causing her any harm. She insists to speak with Jack. He chokes her a little bit and she asks for immunity. As it’s pointed out before, requesting immunity from Madame President is like asking Ronald McDonald for French Fries. The more the merrier.

Jack & Agent Lohan head to the location of where Hassan is being tried on the internet, racing to get their before he is executed. They sneak in and then shoot their way to the back room, where they find the message has been pre-recorded. And Hassan has been chopped. His throat was slashed before they even got there.

Everybody is sad, except the bad guys. Okay, that’s it in a nutshell.

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What did you think? Post a comment below or drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com.

24 Delay

2010-04-07T22:50:00.003-04:00

Hi Folks,

Sorry to pull a Renee Walker and "go dark" on you for a few days, especially after a big two hour week of 24.

I was travelling and have not had a chance to watch the show yet. I'll bang out some comments after I catch up.

Thanks.

Jack

24- Season 8.14 – 5 am: Tunnel of Love

2010-03-30T10:37:00.002-04:00

5 am

First things first: The news hit this week that this is officially the last season of 24. Let’s face it; the writers are out of gas. They are recycling plot devices from past seasons like crazy. Jack getting strung up and shocked, another mole in CTU… you know the drill.

It happened again tonight with Ethan Kanin, but I am getting ahead of myself. So while the TV show 24 sadly comes to a close, the good news is that the latest reports say that a Jack Bauer movie is in fact in the works. AWESOME. That’s exactly what this character needs. Get him out of the tired real-time format and onto the big screen with a bigger budget and less restrictions than network TV allows. (And if it’s rated R, let’s hope Renee Walker and Km Bauer make it to the silver screen. Grrrr, baby.)

Tonight the action picks up with CTU hot on the heels of the terrorists, who are fleeing the river with the nuclear rods in a commandeered taxi. Using various cameras along the way, the gang is confident that they will catch up with the bad guys any minute. That is until the camera feed goes dark for 30 seconds or so. When they come back up, the bad guys have blended into the sea of cabs on the streets of New York. Bubba Gump is furious, as is Chief of Staff Rob Weiss and the crew at the UN. What just happened?

They don’t know what we know. Dana, I mean Jenny… I mean Denny, is a mole. We know this for two reasons. First, it was revealed last week when she killed the Parole Officer from Office Space, and also because this week she constantly keeps looking up and around in that “is anyone looking at me” manner that people always do when they are trying to be sneaking. Plus, whispering into a phone with your hand cupped over your mouth is usually a dead giveaway that you are trying to hide something.

Now that the bad guys have the ability to detonate a dirty bomb in the city, they call Madam President and demand she hand over Hassan Chop. She turns to her cabinet and asks for options. While most of the group discuss contingency plans and countermeasures, Chief of Staff Rob Weiss suggests handing Hassan over. One life for 10,000 seems like a good deal. Plus, losing prime real estate like that in Manhattan is truly unthinkable. Some people in the room see the wisdom in his suggestion until Madam P. stands up and gives a stirring monologue about how the U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists, and that although she may get knocked down, America always gets up again. (You're never going to keep us down.)

So Madam P. calls her buddy Jack and asks him to escort Hassan Chop back to the UN. (Or somewhere, I can’t remember where they were going.) Naturally, Agent Lohan insists on coming along. The route that Jack will escort Hassan and his family through is a tunnel, to keep him safe against a potential radioactive bomb blast. But the terrorists are not the only ones that Jack and Renee will have to worry about.

Back at the UN, a General pulls Rob Weiss aside and proposes that they disobey the Presidents orders and give Hassan to the terrorists. BUT… make it look like the terrorist kidnapped him. This way the U.S. does not appear to give in and the bad guys get what they want. To his credit, it takes Rob about an entire minute to turn on his President. So they arrange for a strike team to ambush Jack’s group in the tunnel. For some reason they use Ethan’s computer and are caught in the act. When Ethan walks into his office and sees a Rob get startled and abruptly close his screen, at first he suspects he has caught Rob looking at internet porn, but quickly realizes what is really going on. But when he attempts to leave the office, his way is blocked by the General. Suddenly, during the confrontation, Ethan has a heart attack.

Rob goes to help Ethan with his pills, but the General suggest they wait until after the strike team has done their work. Even if it means Ethan dies. This is that other example of a recycled plot device. Remember back when Sherry Palmer allowed Alan Milliken to die in a similar fashion back in Season 3? (Ah, the good old days.)

Being indisposed, Ethan cannot answer the phone when Jack calls him. This sets off a red flag to Jack and he halts the procession mid-tunnel, just before they get to the ambush spot. As they retreat, the attack begins. The brave secret service people hold the line while Jack and Agent Lohan try to get the Hassan family out of harm’s way. Once the strike team has gotten through the secret service, it’s up to Jack and Renee. Hassan offers to give himself up, but Jack won’t let him. That would be quitting, kind of like Daryl Strawberry on this week’s Celebrity Apprentice. So the Hassan asks for a gun so he can help. Jack refuses at first but eventually gives in when things start to go really bad. If these guys ever saw the Hassan Chop episode of Bugs Bunny, they would have known the best thing to give him would have been a sword.

Using smoke bombs and their wits, Jack and Agent Lohan manage to take out most of the strike team, but one gets the jump on them. However, when the shot rings out, yet again, it is the bad guy who goes down. Hassan’s aim is true.

They manage to capture one of the bad guys alive and quickly realize he is American. The soldier confesses and tells Jack the entire intent of his mission and who sent him. If Jack had one of those red Staples buttons, he could have pushed it, because that was easy. Now where’s the fun in that? Deep down inside, Jack had to be a little disappointed that he didn’t have to torture the guy for the information.

Next week, it’s a two hour extravaganza where Denny and Jack finally square off and our favorite, sniveling former President returns.

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What did you think? Post a comment below or drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com.

Purple Goldfish Video Podcast Episode 5: Fat Cat Pizza

2010-03-30T10:29:00.007-04:00

The latest Purple Goldfish videocast is up. This week’s episode features Fat Cat pizza, Penzey’s spices, real maple syrup and an ice cold can of Schaefer beer. Plus some more interesting discussion on marketing and the concept of lagniappe.

If you have comments, questions or you want to nominate a business for the Purple Goldfish Project, shoot me an email at jack@social-jack.com.

24: The Day is Done

2010-03-27T23:36:00.003-04:00

Dammit Chloe!!!
If you have not heard the news yet... it's official. This is in fact the last season of 24. May 24th will be the night of the final two episodes. Speculation is that there will be a movie in Jack Bauer's future. But nothing is confirmed. That would be great.

Stay tuned as more news comes in. And let's hope they go out with a bang.

24- Season 8.13 – 4 am: Guacamole Moley, Moley

2010-03-23T09:59:00.002-04:00

4 am

It’s 4am in the world of 24. Are you a morning person? I’m not, but Chloe O’Brien sure is, and tonight was her finest hour. While most of New York has yet to rise and shine, Chloe rises to the occasion. And she does it with that sarcastic edge that we all love so much.

We pick up just after the EMP has knocked out CTU. I actually overheard a couple of guys at a deli this week laughing about how many times and ways CTU has been taken out. The bomb, the nerve gas, the terrorists in the sewer line and now the EMP… just to name a few.

While CTU scrambles to get back on their feet, Jack calls his buddy Bill Holden at NSA and asks him to help them while CTU is blind. (Seems funny that only one government agency is working on this national crisis, while the others wait until they are asked to help out.) They manage to close off the roads in and out of the city and Jack and the Fresh Prince track the bad guys to the waterfront in a SUV with a couple of cadets, including the wide-eyed Agent Owen. As they pull in, the bad guys jam their transmissions and ambush our heroes. Jack manages to back up and get them to cover, but they are pinned down. With the cell phones down, their only hope is a landline across the parking lot. But with those snipers, there’s seemingly no way they can get to it. And does anyone have a dime?

Back at CTU, the gang is reduced to using paper and pencils to get their work done. They should have done this years ago, you can’t hack into a steno pad. Then some pushy NSA guys show up and pull a Nick Burns, Your Company’s Computer Guy routine on Hastings and Chloe and head down to fix the server. Concerned that the NSA guys are moving too slow, Chloe implores them to tap into the trunk line, but to the NSA guys, this seems as dangerous as crossing the streams to the Ghostbusters. Surprisingly, Denny backs up the NSA guys and not Chloe. But Denny has a lot on her mind. Parole Officer Bill Prady is still poking around CTU, and threatening to talk to Hastings.

Concerned for Jack, Chloe calls Agent Walker, who is chilling at Jack’s place. Renee tells Chloe to do what she has to do, or “Git-R-Done” as Kevin might say. So, Chloe goes down to the server room and after one more try at diplomacy, pulls a gun on the NSA guys and locks herself in the room. Move over! Nobody out-Nick Burn’s Chloe O’Brien. She works feverishly while Bubba Hastings and the security guys work on opening the door. When they get in, Chloe apologizes for pulling the gun and explains that she doesn’t even really like guns. She also mentions that she is ten minutes away from restoring the system. Since the ends always justify the means at CTU, Bubba agrees to forget the whole little gun incident. Bubba is all about results, so if this Jack Bauer method of computer maintenance works, then so be it. Git-R-Done.

Meanwhile Jack and the Prince are still pinned down, but they decide to walk across the parking lot using the SUV’s armor as a shield. (Captain America would be proud.) But despite Jacks strict orders to go slow and not panic, one of the rookies decides to go fast and panic. Naturally he gets shot while the rest of the gang scuttles to safety. So now the cadet is lying out in the open, bleeding and suffering while all our heroes can do is watch. It’s a lot like the “I want to help my injured buddy, but I am helpless because there is a sniper” scenes in Full Metal Jacket and Saving Private Ryan. (Remember Vin Diesel’s death in Private Ryan?) Wide-eyed Agent Owen can’t stand seeing his colleague suffer, and valiantly runs out to save him. Naturally, he is also shot immediately. Ever the gentleman, Jack holds back his “I told you so” as Owen dies in his arms. To his credit, young Agent Owen lasted way longer than anyone expected. Most thought he’d be dead within the first hour we met him.

Chloe successfully taps into the trunk line, getting CTU back online. I wonder if she can tap a trunk line and make maple syrup too. That would be cool. Anyway, Jack and the Fresh Prince are closer to the phone, but still pinned down. Jack offers to divert the enemy fire so Fresh Freddie can call CTU and alert them to the location of the bad guy’s boat and the rods. It’s suicide, but like tapping the trunk line, it’s what needs to be done. Jack runs out and starts firing and takes out a few bad guys before he is shot down. The Fresh Prince makes it to the phone just as one bad guy gets Jack’s head in his scope. Suddenly, a shot rings out and the bad guy goes down. Sexy Renee Walker has arrived just in time. Freddie Prince makes the call and CTU sends choppers out to find the boat. But is it too late for Jack?

Back at CTU, things are coming back up, and Denny goes into the holding room to confront Bill Prady, who is waiting to talk to Bubba. He knows she’s lying and he’s going to get to the bottom of this. Suddenly, Denny attacks Prady and chokes him… to death. Holy crap, has Agent Dana Walsh finally snapped, or was Jenny always really this vicious? Denny hides Prady’s body in a convenient, oversized air vent and heads out. Then she makes a call, but it’s not to her fiancé, the Fresh Prince, it’s to Samir, the leader of the bad guys. Holy crap, Dana is a Cylon… I mean a mole.

Well, that explains a lot now, doesn’t it? Naturally, we all knew eventually there had to be a mole. CTU is like Cindy Crawford’s face… it’s just not complete without a mole. And while this just made Denny a whole lot more interesting, it also raises a lot of questions. Like, if she was a bad guy the whole time, why didn’t she just kill Kevin right off the bat? Or have her terrorist buddies take care of him?

Whatever, I am over thinking this. Let’s just be grateful that they have salvaged the Dana character and now her plotline will be interesting and not ridiculous, like it has been all season.

Back at the docks, Jack seems dead, but only for a moment. His flack vest held and he only got the wind knocked out of him. You gotta love this guy. He’s been stabbed, beaten, shocked and shot today, and he just keeps going. Meanwhile, I rake leaves for an hour and I need two Advil and a nap.

Next week, Madam President calls Jack Bauer… again. And Agent Dana Walsh goes into full evil mode. Any guesses as to how long before someone finds Prady’s body in the air vent?

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What did you think? Post a comment below or drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com.

Purple Goldfish Video Podcast Episode 4: Lexus

2010-03-22T15:01:00.007-04:00

Episode four of the Purple Goldfish Video Podcast is now online. This time we discuss the two big questions… Why a goldfish and why purple? Plus, we visit another Purple Goldfish, Lexus of Greenwich.

Take a look and if you would like to nominate a business or have any feedback or questions, please email me at jack@social-jack.com.

24- Season 8.12 – 3 am: Boom, Boom, Boom, Out Go the Lights

2010-03-17T14:22:00.015-04:00

3 am

Well, it’s three am we are 12 hours into this season of 24. I’ve done the math for you… we are halfway there and living on a prayer. The prayer is that the next 12 hours are better than the first. The good news is that I heard that Michael Madsen is going to be joining the cast. If you have seen Reservoir Dogs, then you know this could be the compelling bad guy we have been waiting for, no… praying for.

Tonight we pick up in the hotel room where Hassan’s daughter tries to stall in the bathroom, hoping help will arrive soon. But Jack and the Fresh Prince are still 10 minutes away from the hotel The NYPD set up a staging area while waiting for the CTU agents, but decide to move in despite Jack’s order to wait. Tarin sees the cops through the window and forces Kayla to come with him at gunpoint. Tarin manages to shoot a few officers and escape.

Word gets back to President Hassan Chop that his daughter is a hostage just before Jack & the Prince show up at his room. It took them all night to get to the hotel, but they get to Hassan in just one commercial break.

The bad guys take Kayla to their hideout, which naturally has another vault. What’s with all the vaults? They call Hassan and demand that he hand over File 33. Is that anything like Mambo Number Five? I assume File 33 must have something to do with Larry Bird, and I wonder what he could possibly have to do with this. Is Hassan a huge Lakers fan and is Larry the Legend their next target?

Hassan Chop reluctantly reveals that File 33 is actually a magical file containing every secret code to the U.S. defense system… kinda like that magic box a season or two ago that could disable every US defense. 24 is famous for these magical devises that allow bad guys to make the U.S. vulnerable. Remember that magical device that allowed some bad guys to control all of the nuclear reactors in the U.S. a few years ago. (God rest your soul, Edgar.)

Meanwhile, Parole Officer Bill Prady, (Milton from Office Space) arrives at CTU and quickly starts to play hardball with Denny. (That’s Dana’s new nickname, if you recall.) With a few phone calls in the middle of the night, he has determined that Kevin’s robbery could only have been successful with help from someone at CTU, since that is the only place that could disable the cameras. Denny agrees to talk to him but tries to stall him with the nuclear crisis. She tells the Fresh Prince that she is going to come clean to Bubba Gump. Later in the episode, Denny discovers Milton wandering around the halls of CTU. He must be eyeing all of the staplers.

The bad guys threaten Kayla on camera by putting a plastic bag over her head. If they don’t get File 33, they will seal up that Ziplock bag and suffocate her. (While the airtight seal will keep her noggin nice and fresh.) CTU will not let Hassan turn over the real file, so they give him a fake one. Hassan knows they won’t be fooled for long.

Arlo detects a train noise from the recording and they quickly pinpoint the location. Jack & the Prince race to the location, but the 15 minutes are up and it’s time to execute Kayla. But Tarin has a change of heart and instead of marching her to his death, leads her out of the building. As they attempt to flee, Tarin is shot and killed. Kayla calls in and is lead to CTU by phone… rather than the closest police station or intercepted by a police car.

Jack and the Prince find an empty hideout, but the drones pick up the bad guys leaving the building and facial recognition software reveals Tarin is still alive. Wait a minute… if he is still alive, then what is going on? Why would the terrorists demand File 33 when they know Hassan would never really give it to them? Hold on, where is Kayla’s car? It’s pulling into CTU now.

OH MY GOD, IT’S A TRAP!!

Everyone scrambles as Kayla’s car pulls into the CTU tunnel. A security guard jumps in and tries to back the car out, but it’s too late. The car explodes and emits a blue pulse. It’s an EMP, or electromagnetic pulse. This will disable all electronics in the area… like what they did to Las Vegas in Ocean’s 11. (See, it always come back to vaults and Ocean’s 11 this year.)

When the explosion first happened, I wondered if Bill Prady had anything to do with it, because we all remember when Milton burned down Initech. But it could not have been him, because this disaster will undoubtedly interfere with his investigation.

So now CTU is crippled and the bad guys can smuggle in their radioactive materials without the radiation detectors going off.

Next week: Jack continues to pronounce the word nuclear as ”nook-you-ler”, just like George W. Bush. But unlike W., no one has the nerve to make fun of Jack Bauer. And Hastings looks into getting a booth and gate at the front of CTU’s driveway.

Duh.

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What did you think? Post a comment below or drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com.

Purple Goldfish Video Podcast Episode 3: Doubletree

2010-03-15T10:30:00.003-04:00

Episode three of the Purple Goldfish video podcast is up on the Marketing Lagniappe website. This time, Stan and cover the five rules of marketing lagniappe and we I go to a Doubletree hotel for a fireside chat about the famous chocolate chip cookie.

If you know a business that goes above and beyond expectations and delivers that little something extra something, tells us about it and they just might make the list. We are looking for 1001 examples. – Thanks.

24- Season 8.11 – 2 am: Yeah, Dana, I’m going to ask you to go ahead and move your desk

2010-03-09T08:35:00.002-05:00

2 am

Tonight on 24 we pick up at the hospital, where Marcos has holed up in some kind of vault and is attempting to reactivate his bomb vest while Jack tries to figure out a way to get him out alive. As Marcos glares at Jack through the closed circuit camera, it occurred to me that he looks a lot like Carson Daly.

At the same time, the Fresh Prince and Dana return to CTU, after a quick stop to get some dry clothes. Since Dana’s real name is Jenny, I have been contemplating a nickname for her. I have decided to combine her names, so let’s call her Jana… no wait, let’s call her Denny. When the Fresh Prince and Denny get back to CTU, they are greeting by Bubba Gump Hastings, who is miffed, but is willing to cut them both some slack since he is so short staffed. So they get off with just a proverbial slap on the wrist.

Denny is demoted and now reports to Chloe. Chloe must be tired, because instead of delivering a sarcastic zinger, Chloe offers Denny nothing but sympathy and encouragement. Yawn. Then, Arlo tries to mend fences but just ends up hitting on her again. Arlo is guilty of sexual harassment on almost an hourly basis, but he doesn’t care. When you work for Bubba, you can pretty much get away with murder.

Anyhow, once CTU figures out that Marcos has an American mother, they send the Fresh Prince out to get her. At the same time, the bad guys get close enough to the hospital that they can see in the window. And they tap into the CTU video feed. That’s impressive. I bet they also figured out a way to get all the dirty movie channels on cable for free.

Meanwhile, Hassan and his estranged wife continue to search for their estranged daughter, who is in a hotel, making sweaty love to Tarin, Hassan’s estranged head of security. (Some people say I don’t really know what the word estranged means, but I think they are just estranged.)

Fresh Freddie finds Mama Marcos and brings her to the hospital. Jack convinces her to talk to her son, who is slowly making progress with his vest bomb. You can tell by the handy green progress lights on his lapel. While Jack is dealing with the crisis, the Fresh Prince gets a phone call from Denny. It turns out that Milton from Office Space is heading into town and he wants his stapler back.

Actually, the guy’s name is Bill Prady, and he’s played by Stephen Root, who you may remember from Office Space, News Radio and a million other things including a couple of great scenes in No Country for Old Men. Prady is Kevin Wade’s parole officer, and he is looking for his favorite hillbilly. The only lead he has is phone records linking him to Denny. Although he tells Denny he expected to get her voice mail at 2am, he insists on meeting with her immediately because he has an early flight to catch. Afraid that he’ll talk to Hastings, Denny agrees. So now she’s going to take even more time off from her job. She calls the Prince for advice, but he tells her to handle it, after all, she’s a good liar. (Zing.)

She’s gotta think outside the box here. Sure, Prady is looking for Kevin, but fastest way to Milton’s heart is to give him back his red Swingline stapler. I’d go that route if I were her. But I would also be sure I had my TPS reports ready… and she might want to add a few extra piece of flair too, just to be safe.

Jack gets Mama Marcos to talk some sense into her nutty son, but to no avail, he still intends to blow himself up. He tells his mother to go and gets his vest reactivated. We know this because all four green lights are lit. As the estranged mother leaves, Jack walks in, just as Chloe has disabled the bad guy’s access to the video feed. Now it’s just Jack and Marcos. This is where it gets good.

Jack tells Marcos that if he detonates himself and allows the dirty bomb plot to succeed, then Jack will personally make sure that his dear old mom will be in the city when it happens. And if she is not in the vicinity of the blast, then Jack will personally escort her to ground zero and contaminate her. Then Jack looks at Marcos through the screen, with his own, angry Carson Daly glare and says something like “Look in my eyes and tell me if you think I’m lying.” Then he explains what radiation poisoning will be like for his mom. Then he adds, “If you blow yourself to little bits, I’ll have your mother come in and clean it up.”

Marcos may have been able to infiltrate the hospital, escape CTU and re-arm the bomb, but he is no match for Jack Bauer’s bravado. He puts down the detonator and opens the door. But the bad guys, who are close enough to see the hospital lobby, use a remote clicker to activate the bomb. (They also accidentally open all the garage doors in the neighborhood. ) We know the bomb is activated because a handy digital countdown display appears next to the handy green lights.

Jack tries to disarm it, but there’s no time. He manages to get the name of the head bad guy from Marcos just before he pushes him back in the vault to explode. Jack is thrown back, but is not injured by the massive C4 explosion, nor is he deafened by the loud bang echoing through the vault. He calls Bubba Gump Hastings and gets patched through to President Hassan Chop. He informs Hassan that the man they are looking for is Tarin, his estranged head of security who is currently doing the Wild Thing with his estranged daughter.

Hassan’s wife calls Kayla yet again, and this time she picks up, while Tarin is washing her sweat off of himself in the shower. They warn her of Tarin’s true motives just before Tarin comes back out, suddenly seeming much more sinister than he did a few minutes ago.

Next week, Kayla heads up sh*t creek in Tarin’s boat, while it hits the fan at CTU.

See you then.

--- What did you think? Post a comment below or drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com

Purple Goldfish Video Podcast Ep. 2

2010-03-09T08:34:00.002-05:00

Episode two of the Purple Goldfish video podcast is up on the Marketing Lagniappe website. This time, Stan and I go to Stew Leonard’s. If you want some interesting marketing talk, or you just want to see me stuffing my face, check it out. And if you know a business that goes above and beyond expectations and delivers that little something extra something, tells us about it and they just might make the list. We are looking for 1001 examples. – Thanks.

24- Season 8.10 – 1 am: Weekend at Bauer’s

2010-03-02T08:05:00.007-05:00

1 am

Tonight’s 24 was about as exciting as watching paint dry until about the last 10 minutes. Wait, that’s not fair to drying paint. It actually may be more exciting… especially if it’s a pastel or one of those deep maroon/rust kind of colors. C’mon. Tell me you were not checking your phone for emails and Facebook during the Hassan and his daughter scenes.

I’ll tell ya the problem. One of the main ingredients missing this year is a bad guy that we actually care about. Remember General Jamba Juice and Jon Voight? How about President Logan and Jack’s evil brother, Graham Cracker? Or Tony Almeida… oh man, I’d give my left leg for Tony Almeida right now.

Okay, onto tonight’s recap. As my paint dries, Madam President asks Hassan to hand over a list of suspects from his regime that may be involved in the terrorist operation. He reluctantly agrees, while his head of security engineers an escape and rendezvous with Hassan’s daughter Kayla.

Back in the swamp, Dana and the Fresh Prince decide to cover up the hillbilly incident by dumping the dead bodies in the bayou and stripping the van. The last we see of Kevin, he sinks away into the dark depths, much like Leo DiCaprio in Titanic. (Spoiler Alert: The boat sinks at the end of Titanic.) Next they will clean up and head back to CTU, where they should promptly be fired for going AWOL during a nuclear crisis. Yet when CTU is looking for someone to blame for all the screw-ups, they turn to Renee Walker. Go figure.

However, now that Farthead has called in and asked to surrender, Bubba Gump Hastings tells White House Weiss that he is no longer pursuing Renee. Jack leads a team of Muppet Babies to extract Farthead, but Farthead is shot just before they arrive. He dies before he can identify any of the people that may be involved in the conspiracy. Jack decides that their only option is the W.E.A.B. maneuver, which involves pretending Farthead is still alive in order to lure the bad guys into a trap. The W.E.A.B. maneuver is a classic tactic that passes off a dead body for a living person. (W.E.A.B. stands for Weekend at Bernie’s. )

So CTU sets up a trap to lure the terrorists to a hospital by having a false story broadcast on the news saying Farthead is still alive. This was the best part of the episode because real life Fox 5 New York anchor Ernie Anastos is seen on TV breaking the news. Ernie kinda resembles Bernie, the corpse from the movie, and is well known for his famous “f-ing chicken” blooper. (Click the link and watch the female co-anchor’s reaction.)

Now, I’m no counter terrorism expert, but I do know a few things. First, the last time they set a trap for a bad guy in a hospital, the terrorist managed to sneak in through the ceiling, paralyze Jack with nerve gas and then framed him for murder. So right off the bat, this is a bad idea. Number two, of all places to lure a bomber, you pick a hospital? Really? I heard their back-up locations were an orphanage and a crowded mall.

The bad guys decide to send a kid named Marcos to the hospital to take out Farthead. Marcos calls his American mother first and tells her to get out of the city, and then he straps on his Blues Traveler suicide bomb vest and heads out.

When he gets to the hospital, he is intercepted by the wide-eyed young buck, Agent Owen, the CTU agent we all expect will die any minute. I think his CTU vest is covering his red Star Trek shirt. Using a magic earplug, Jack and Chloe instruct Owen to give Marcos his gun and lead him into the hospital with the bomb. Then they ask him to convince Marcos to show the bomb so Chloe can get the model number and use some magic software to magically disable it. I guess disabling this bomb is a lot like DirecTV activating Showtime for you. They just need to know what kind of box you have and they can do it remotely.

Marcos makes it all the way into Farthead’s hospital room and realizes his target is already dead, after pumping most of his bullets into him. He tries to detonate the bomb, but Chloe has deactivated it. The vest also now gets the NFL Sunday Ticket. (Too bad Kevin is dead, he loved football.)

Jack bursts in, dodges a bullet and tries to reason with Marcos. But the terrorist just smiles and jumps out the window. The fall nearly kills him, but he manages to get right back up and run freely through the hospital. Jack chases him into some kind of giant safe, where Marcos is able to lock himself in and call the other bad guys. Of all the ridiculous things to happen on this show, perhaps the silliest is that he actually gets a cell signal inside that vault. Give me a break.

Jack calls Chloe and asks her to send a copy of Ocean’s Eleven to his phone so he can figure out how to bust into this safe. But then he realizes he doesn’t have ten other clever and charismatic accomplices, including one Asian acrobat, so he goes to Plan B and tries to talk to Marcos through the closed circuit TV. But Marcos is smart enough to turn it off and starts to work on detonating the bomb.

Next week, CTU plays the “M” card and calls in Marcos’ mother, while someone rolls into town looking for dead Kevin. Too bad Dana sunk his body, because the W.E.A.B. maneuver would probably have come in handy right about now.

See you next week.

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What did you think? Post a comment below or drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com.

The Purple Goldfish Video Podcast Debuts

2010-03-01T16:23:00.005-05:00

I am happy to announce that the first episode of the Purple Goldfish Video Podcast is now on YouTube and at the Marketing Lagniappe web site. Stan Phelps, Mr. Lagniappe himself, and I will be exploring the concept of lagniappe and how it impacts marketing, sales and customer loyalty. (Lagniappe, as you will see in the video, is that little extra something that a business can do that goes above and beyond a customer's expectation.)

We will also be visiting various businesses to show you real life examples of lagniappe. The first episode leads us to Five Guys Burgers & Fries. It was hard work, but someone has to do it.

Here is a rundown of the first video podcast:

- We discuss the origin of ‘lagniappe’ and how it applies to marketing
- We talk about the concept of a ‘buy back’ and the ‘baker’s dozen’
- We debate where marketing lagniappe fits into the overall marketing mix
- Roadtrip to Five Guys Burgers and Fries to discuss peanuts, free toppings and bonus fries
- Purple Goldfish Jingle

I hope you enjoy it.

24- Season 8.9 - 12am: In the Midnight Hour, More, More, More

2010-02-23T00:15:00.030-05:00

12 am

It’s midnight, and so this hour of 24 is brought to you by the 1988 Michelob/Eric Clapton commercial featuring the song After Midnight. It's after midnight and Jack Bauer is gonna let it all hang out.

We begin with Josef, who heads to Queens to sell the nuclear rods to Farthead. He’s smart to go to Queens this late, because getting over the bridge into Queens during the day is a nightmare. And if there is a Met game going on… forget about it.

Jack & Sergei call Josef and Sergei begs Josef to turn himself in and accept immunity. Despite the fact that he murdered Josef’s brother, he manages to convince Josef to surrender. It's pretty impressive. Actually, the word impressive does not even do it justice, so I will make up a word. It was Sergalicious.

Unfortunately, Farthead’s men are waiting in the wings and put a Black Eyed Pea right in Josef’s heart. So the rods are still in play and that means someone is going to have to take the blame back at CTU. Rob Weiss, the White House bully, convinces Hastings that Renee is the perfect fall guy… or fall girl. After all, she did stab Vlad fifteen times. Literally two seconds later, a mean woman named Kristen Smith shows up to interrogate Renee.

Jack checks in by phone with Chloe for an update on Renee’s debrief and then gets directly connected to Renee. It is here where Renee asks Jack to clarify what he meant earlier when he said “You have me.” Rather than come right out and profess his love, Jack coyly beats around the bush. It is the least direct thing Jack Bauer will do for the rest of the hour.

Meanwhile, Dana has snuck off to the woods of New Jersey to take care of the Kevin and Nick problem. The Fresh Prince, with some help from Arlo, heads out to find her. The hillbillies are partying in a van with some strippers. Naturally, the strippers never actually get naked, nor do they stick around for long. As a matter of fact, they are so offended by the hillbillies that they decide to walk all the way back to the strip club, through the woods in their stiletto heels. Dana, with a gun and silencer, moves in for the kill, but the Fresh Prince shows up just in time to stop her. They get in his car and Dana finally comes clean about all her dirty little secrets.

I sure hope Freddy had his seatbelt on when she broke that news to him. Meanwhile, back at CTU, Cruella De Smith grills Renee on her past with Vlad and brings her to tears and the brink of a murder confession. But before Renee breaks, Jack Bauer arrives and is apprised of the situation by Chloe. Naturally, his first inclination is to disable a guard and break into the interrogation room. Then he throttles Cruella by the throat and tells her to leave his woman alone. It is one of the most psychopathic and romantic things he’s ever done for a woman. That old softy.

An armed guard tries to stop Jack, but Jack uses a Jedi Mind Trick and just tells him to put the gun away before he gets hurt. Very Sergalicious. Fellas, if you want to impress a woman, I suggest you record this episode and take some notes. Jack and Renee seem bound for freedom (and the closest motel room) when suddenly another guard zaps Jack with a tazer. It’s the second time today that Jack has been subjected to electric shock, and this time he is taken down. I guess he does better with electric shocks if he is hanging by his wrists. They actually have a name for this condition; it’s called Mel Gibson - Lethal Weapon 1 Syndrome.

Meanwhile, Farthead is convinced by the other terrorists that it will be too difficult to get the rods out of the country, so they might as well use them as a bomb instead. But Farthead senses trouble and excuses himself to make a phone call. Once out of site, he whacks his escort with a wrench and is then chased by the other bad guys, who had intended to kill him. Boy, you just can’t trust a terrorist these days, huh?

Back in the woods, the Fresh Prince confronts Kevin and Nick and tells them to get out of town and never comeback. This seems like a good enough deal for Kevin, but as usual, Nick has to cause trouble. As soon as the Fresh Prince turns his back, Nick grabs a gun and moves to kill him. When Kevin protests, Nick stabs him. (I think Nick should go hang out with Farthead’s buddies.) Nick almost gets the drop on the Prince, but Kevin manages to warn Jenny with one of his last breaths… just in the NICK of time.
Get it?

Anyway, the Fresh Price avoids Nick’s shots and blows him away. Dana/Jenny rushes to Kevin and he dies in her arms after apologizing to her. Aww, I guess that evil hillbilly wasn’t so bad after all. GIT-R-DONE!!

I’m telling you, I think they cast this season with characters straight from the Jerry Springer Show. What’s next? Is Renee really Jack’s sister? Or maybe Kristen Smith will turn out to be a transvestite.

Back at CTU, Hastings reads the riot act to Jack, and Jack reads it right back to Hastings. But their testosterone pissing match is interrupted by a call from Farthead. When they hear that he is in danger and willing to make a deal, they mobilize a team to extract him. But since the Fresh Prince is missing, they team will be lead by a wide eyed young buck named Agent Owen, who I think may have been played by the Squeaky Voiced Kid from The Simpsons. Knowing this mission is doomed, Hasting agrees to back off of Renee if Jack comes back to CTU. And none of this in-and-out stuff, he’s gotta be all in, with both feet and a cherry on top. Jack agrees both verbally and non-verbally, but switching the strap on the Jack Sack from the “safety” to the “ready” position.

And that is our queue to strap ourselves in because Jack Bauer is now officially on the clock. It’s after midnight…
Were gonna cause talk and suspicion.
Were gonna give an exhibition.
Were gonna find out what it is all about.

See you next week.

--- Questions? Comments? Feedback? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

24- Season 8.8 - 11pm: Hangin’ Tough

2010-02-16T11:51:00.006-05:00

11 pm

In honor of President’s Day, let’s start off with a tip ‘o the cap to the Presidents of 24. Hail to the Chiefs.

1. Unknown. Remember? David Palmer was still a Senator in Season 1.
2. President David Palmer (Seasons 2-3)
3. President James Prescott (Season 2)
4. President John Keeler (Season 4)
5. President Charles Logan (Seasons 4 and 5)
6. President Hal Gardner (Season 5)
7. President Wayne Palmer (Season 6)
8. President Noah Daniels (Season 6 and Redemption)
9. President Allison Taylor (Redemption and Seasons 7-8)

I think Disney should have a wing in the Hall of Presidents for the 24 Commanders in Chiefs.

Heck, if Nixon can make it in the Hall of Presidents, then so should Charles Logan.

When we pick up tonight’s episode, we find Kevin and Nick, the two hillbilly thugs, at strip club in Jersey City. This actually makes a lot of sense. You just robbed a pile of cash and now it’s burning a hole in your pocket. Where else would two county bumpkins go? That’s the most plausible aspect of this plotline so far. I wish they had gone to the Bada Bing from The Sopranos. I’d love to see what Paulie Walnuts, Silvio and Christopher would have done to these hicks if they got out-of-line at The Bing. You’d probably never find the bodies.

While getting lap dances, they get on the phone with Dana and inform her that they are going back on their deal. Dana is a nice, blonde gravy train and they don’t want to get off just yet. She is mortified, but if she does not play along they will ruin her life. Back at CTU, Arlo continues to pry into her business and also tattles to the Fresh Prince that his fiancé is up to no good. Finally, Dana pulls the Prince aside and starts to tell him the truth, but she is interrupted before she can get to the good part. The Fresh Prince assures her that her past doesn’t matter, although I’m sure he’ll be eating those words soon enough. Dana may not even have to worry about her past ruining her career because she’s away from her desk so much as it is, she’s bound to get fired anyway. Chloe covers for her the first time, but the next time she is missing it’s because she has headed to the strip club, and she’s got a gun.

Now she’s really in for it. Assisting the hillbillies with the robbery was one thing, but carrying a gun into a nightclub… is she nuts? Didn’t she learn anything from Plaxico Burress?

Meanwhile, Jack is taken to Sergei’s restaurant to be interrogated. Jack is strung up and tortured with electric shocks and a few fingers in his stab wound. I’ll tell you what, as a person who writes a 24 blog, I wish I had a nickel for every time I wrote the words “Jack is strung up and tortured”. I’d be a rich man.

We’ve seen Jack Bauer get out of this very scenario before. Heck, it could be a rule in the 24 drinking game to do a shot every time he escapes hanging torture and another drink every time he kills a thug with his feet. It’s as second nature to him as riding a bike.

Back at CTU, Renee is brought back for debriefing and everyone is convinced she’s nuts. But all she cares about is Jack. Chloe urges her to remain calm and just fill out her report. So now, CTU has a computer person handling a field agent’s debrief. Is that really in her job description? Don’t they have handlers for that kind of thing? Does Chloe handle sales and marketing too? Maybe some accounting and web design as well?

Back at the UN, Hassan and his daughter bicker about her boyfriend who is in now custody. Not much to say here… I went to get a snack at this point.

Let’s get back to Jack. After he kills the interrogator, he kills the lights and calls Chloe so she can trace his location and send help. Then he sneaks around the restaurant in his bare feet and an open shirt, taking out Sergei’s men one by one. He must not have seen the “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” sign posted at the entrance restaurant because of the bag over his head when he first arrived.

Sergei chases Jack around and shoots up the place with a shot gun. Jack ducks into the dining room and then flattens Sergei with a table after a brief game of cat and mouse. I guess you could say Jack really turned the tables on Sergei, huh?

Sorry, I couldn’t resist that one.

The reinforcements arrive and Sergei tells Jack he will only disclose the location of the rods if he and his son get full immunity. Madam President agrees. Of course she does… she grants immunity almost as much as Jack escapes from hanging torture situations. We should make that part of the drinking game too.

The Fresh Prince takes a team to the location, but when they open the truck all they find are a couple of dead guards and an empty box with traces of radiation. The show ends with Sergei’s estranged son Josef on his way to deliver the rods to Hassan’s brother, Farthead.

Next week:
Just like at your office, when things go south, people look to cover their butts. This time it’s Renee who gets thrown under the bus.

Also, I should mention I have been reading a lot of buzz about a possible 24 movie in the works. Personally, I think 24 hours is a long time to sit in a theater, but if I can see Renee and Kim Bauer in 3D at the iMax, sign me up.

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Questions? Comments? Feedback? Want to get on the email alert list? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

24- Season 8.7 - 10pm: She’s My Cherry Pie

2010-02-09T08:41:00.009-05:00

10 pm

If I had to divide this episode of 24 into a pie, I guess it would be in four slices.
1. One slice for Hassan and his obsession with anyone who might have had anything to do with his assassination attempt.
2. A small slice for Sergei, the Russian arms dealer who likes to keep his sons in the walk-in fridge.
3. A generous portion for Dana and her redneck ex-boyfriend.
4. A big, bloody slice for Renee and Jack.

Unfortunately, three out of four pieces of this pie were practically inedible. Luckily, we did get a classic 24 moment tonight that salvaged the pie… or the show. You know what I mean.

So first you take a bite out of the Hassan slice. How did it taste? Bland. First let me just say that keeping track of the names of Hassan’s people is almost impossible, so I will not even try in most cases.

Hassan’s chief or security implores him to layoff the harsh tactics and seemingly gets through to him. But when the Security guy goes to see Hassan’s daughter, Hassan has another security guard take over and arrests first guy, who happens to be dating his daughter.

Okay, nobody cares. Let’s move on to another slice. We find Sergei and his remaining son Josef in the refrigerator. I guess it’s because Sergei wants his son to cool off after he murdered his other son. Sergei assures Josef that he loves him and only wants the best for him and his family. Unfortunately, the corpse of the dead brother is there in the fridge next to the vodka and canned tomatoes, so it’s a little hard for Josef to take his dad seriously. It’s kind of like the Big Bad Wolf telling the Smart Little Pig to let him in because he just wants to talk. But the little pig can see the bloody remains of his brothers strew across the lawn, amongst the scattered twigs and straw. Too bad for Josef he’s locked in a cooler and not a nice brick house with a chimney.

Let’s move on. The next piece of the pie is Dana and her redneck boyfriend’s attempt at the Brinks job. Dana continues to sneak away from her post during a nuclear crisis in order to guide Kevin Wade and his buddy through the security system so they can steal the money in an evidence cage. They really should have got Larry the Cable Guy to play Kevin’s sidekick, because all that was missing from this mission was the two of these hillbillies yelling “Git-R-Done!” each time they successfully opened another lock.

Once inside, they have trouble locating cages that are numerically ordered and only get more frustrated when Dana throws more numbers at them. (Imagine them trying to figure out a tip.) The best part was when Wade’s sidekick squirts him with a loaded water pistol that happens to be in the evidence room. But the fun and games go south when they get greedy and linger too long. A cop shows up and gets the piñata treatment from the sidekick, who also found a bat in the evidence locker. (Apparently someone robbed a toy store.) So now Dana is screwed.

That piece of pie was a little better than the others, but still pretty lame. Luckily we have one slice left, and it must be cherry, because it’s oozing red liquid all over the place. Oh wait, that might just be because Renee stabbed it.

Jack arrives at Vlad’s place, where he tells Renee that he’s extracting her from the mission. Renee says “Like hell you are. I just let that sleaze ball have his way with me. I’m seeing this through.” So after enjoying some thickly sliced bread, Vlad starts calling potential uranium dealers. But sexy Renee is more distracting to him than Facebook is to people who work at a normal job, and she has to keep reminding him to focus on the task. Vlad calls Sergei, who denies having any knowledge of nuclear materials, as does everyone else in his rolodex. But Renee keeps pushes him to call them all back again. Finally he snaps and starts punching her. He gets in a few solid shots, but when Renee gets back up, she’s got a knife and she stabs him. And then she stabs him again, and again and again.

Jack rushes in to help/stop her, but startles her and she accidentally stabs him too. Jack goes down with the knife in his torso, but when one of Vlad’s goons comes in, Jack pulls it out, throws it and kills the bad guy.

Killing a guy with the very knife that just stabbed you... finally, we get a classic Jack Bauer moment. He should call that move The Jack Knife. I bet if he wasn’t distracted by Renee, he would have went back and cut up some more bread with that very same knife.

Renee crumbles into a sobbing mess and Jack tenderly dries her eyes. I bet they would have hooked up right there if it wasn’t for the nearby bloody corpse of her rapist. Its kind a buzz kill. (Sort of like the dead brother back in that refrigerator.)

So Jack puts a Band Aid on his stab wound just before Sergei’s men show up. It turns out he lied to Vlad and really wants to hear about this deal for the uranium. So Jack hides Renee in the closet and allows himself to be captured, secure in the fact that CTU will track his movements with their camera drones.

But Jack forgot that the only people more inept than Kevin Wade and Larry the Cable Guy are the folks at CTU. The Russian’s are smart enough to travel through a tunnel, so no one has any idea where Jack is taken.

“Git-R-Done!”

Next week its Déjà vu as Jack is strung up and tortured with electricity. We’ve seen this before. All electricity does is make him stronger, like the Energizer Bunny… if the Energizer Bunny had a knife and a Jack Sack instead of a bass drum and mallet.

He keeps going, and going and going, dammit.

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Questions? Comments? Feedback? Want to get on the email alert list? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

Super Bowl Ads 2010

2010-02-08T13:09:00.008-05:00

Well, it’s the day after the Super Bowl and it was nice to see the City of New Orleans finally get a championship. I just wanted to quickly touch on a topic that is almost bigger than the game itself; the commercials.

I think Super Bowl commercials have jumped the shark a bit. Back in the days of Bud Bowl, Super Bowl commercials really were peaking. It was practically a “must-see” event. Now it’s hit or miss. This year had some good ones, but not too many that will be considered classics. Here are a few thoughts.

I think my favorite, as with a lot of people, was the Doritos House Rules, with the kid getting in the face of the guy who has arrived to pick up his mom for a date. “Do touch my mom and don’t touch my Doritos.” This is the line of the night, in my opinion. Doritos also scored with their Snack Attack Samurai ad.

The other ad that really worked for me was the TruTV - Troy Polamalu advertisement. Punxsutawney Polamalu was hilarious and probably the best visual of the night.

I have to admit, I am a Bud Light drinker, so I may be a bit biased, but more times than not, I love their commercials. Their Light House spot was funny, as was the Book Club, but I think I laughed at the Voice Box commercial the most.

“Laugh” is a key word here. These companies are paying a lot for these spots, and if they are not funny, interesting or ground breaking, people are disappointed and are more prone to go get another drink the next time that company’s commercial comes on. In light of that, the Google Parisian Love commercial was definitely a hit. Where I was everyone in the room was glued to that spot, and Google really made their point.

The Dr. Pepper commercial with Kiss was not great, but memorable. But I am a long-time member of the Kiss Army, and Mini-Kiss always cracks me up… so again, I am a little biased. I’m just curious... they are touting Dr. Pepper with a Kiss of Cherry, but wasn’t Dr. Pepper always a cherry flavored soda?

There was a lot of controversy over the Focus on the Family - Tim Tebow spot. I honestly don’t see the big deal. And speaking of controversy, the Go Daddy commercials were toned down this year. Let’s face it, Danica Patrick is pretty, but the old Go Daddy girl, Candace Michelle, made much more of an impact. Still, Go Daddy has established itself as the Hooters of web hosting and everyone certainly remembers their name.

Other spots of note:
· Hyundai - Brett Favre 2020 MVP : Funny, but we are almost as sick of Brett Favre’s self-parody as we are of his retirement flip-flops.
· Snickers – Betty White: C’mon, how can you go wrong with Betty White and Abe Vigoda.
· Motorola – Megan Fox: Okay, I swear, it’s not just because Megan Fox is hot. That was a funny ad.
· The Boost Mobile Super Bowl Shuffle Reunion: A callback to a Super Bowl classic, and almost as awkward as the original.
· FLO TV - Jim Nantz : Nantz just ripping that poor shlep who is shopping with his wife instead of watching the big game was funny… and just the kind of things real guys would say.
· eTrade – Wolf Style: I miss the old eTrade Baby, but they had great spots this year. The “Milkaholic, Milka-what” line is second place to Doritos for line of the night.
· The Emerald Nuts/Pop Secret – Dolphins : People swimming around like dolphins = awesome, or as they would say, “awesomer.”

If you missed one, need a refresher or just want to see all of the Super Bowl commercials again, you can click here.

What was your favorite?

24- Season 8.6 - 9pm: Renee is Fragile (Must be Italian.)

2010-02-02T08:21:00.004-05:00

9 pm

One word to describe that episode? Filler. This happens every so often each season; they have to set up a few dominoes so they have more stuff to knock over as the day progresses. Tonight we knocked down a few remaining plot lines and we started setting up some new ones.

Renee has passed Vlad’s little gun-to-the-head test and is taken back to his hideout. Jack implores CTU Director Hastings to pull Renee off the case because she’s like a bomb about to go off. Hastings denies Jack’s request. Looney or not, Renee is their only hope.

By the way, I agree with Mr. Bauer. Renee is a bomb, but this is the kind of bomb I think she is.

Meanwhile, Dana has magically reappeared at CTU. Just a few minutes ago she was home with abusive Kevin, so either she lives really close to work or she’s got a Star Trek transporter. But that makes no sense because she was on Battlestar Galactica, not Star Trek, and they don’t have transporters on that show.

Dana attempts to multi-task by doing her CTU work and her dirty work for Kevin at the same time. Then Arlo slithers over to ask her to help him with his over-heating drone, which sounds perverted, but is actually the least perverted thing Arlo says to her the entire time. When he senses that something is wrong with Dana, he asks Chloe about it. But Chloe is bitter and calls him out on being a creep. She also takes the opportunity to let loose on “Little Miss Perfect”, who she is obviously threatened by. She even suggests that Arlo probably wants to check out the junk in her own trunk. And sure enough, when she walks way, Arlo takes a nice long look at her humps and lovely lady lumps. But I’m sure she shook her money-maker a little extra, just because she knew he was watching.

Dana eventually figures out a way for Kevin to get his score. There’s some drug money, or something, being held in a warehouse. She can get him in by making him a pass card and talking him through it on a magic earplug. But Arlo observes Dana & Kevin on the CTU monitor, so now he knows something is up. He probably thinks she’s cheating on the Fresh Prince and will obviously insert himself into this situation in an effort to get laid. I’m taking bets now… who doesn’t survive this? Arlo or Dana?

Meanwhile, Joseph takes his sick brother to the doctor in Mt. Vernon to be treated for the radiation poisoning. The doctor treats the brother as best he can and instructs Joseph on how to administer continuing care. (I wonder if Madame President’s healthcare plan covers prescription drugs for Russian Arms Dealers.) But they are interrupted when their father’s men burst in and kill the doctor. Then they are dragged back to the Russian Tea Room. I noticed that they get back to Manhattan rather quickly… pretty much in less time that it would take just to find a parking space in New York.

When they get back, Sergei smacks Joseph around for disobeying him and then kills his other son. Thank goodness. Nobody cared about that guy and it just took us away from Jack and Renee. And now Joseph has a nice motive for betraying his father. See? One domino falls and another is set up.

The other plotline that got in the way of our Jack and Renee time was Hassan Chop’s continuing mission to round up all of the people involved with the attempt on his life. The international community is getting more and more uncomfortable with Hassan’s brutal tactics, but he doesn’t care. Despite the warnings of his subordinate, he has another one of his cronies rounded up, even though he is a close and trusted figure. Hassan trusts no one. After arresting the diplomat, the subordinate guy calls Hassan’s daughter to inform her of her father’s irrational behavior. My god… I’m just as bored typing this as I was watching it. Hopefully the payoff will be good when they finally knock these dominoes down, because the set up is dragging.

Finally, we get back to Renee and Jack. Vlad apologizes for raping Renee, which he apparently thinks is some sort of aphrodisiac. He’s surprised when Renee rebukes his advances, but he’s drunk… both on booze and love. Jack, who is listening, implores Renee to get out, but instead, she’s going dark… both figuratively and literally. Renee ditches her magic earplug and takes a shower. There’s 20 minutes until the drop, and she wants to get cleaned up, but instead she’ll be getting dirty. (Sex Bomb, Sex Bomb, you're my Sex Bomb....)

Now c’mon, this is unrealistic on so many levels, For one thing, what woman could get ready to go in under 20 minutes? But the shower is a good opportunity for Vlad to force himself on Renee. She decides to take one for the team, and four minutes later, the deed is done.

Jack dons his Harry Potter glasses and assumes his cover as Renee’s partner, Drew Carey, the uranium buyer. Vlad instructs his men to kill Drew Carey as soon as the transaction is complete. Renee unsuccessfully attempts to dissuade Vlad, and he chokes her instead. He’s such a romantic.

While Jack is speaking some impressive German, I realize he also looks a lot like Ralphie from A Christmas Story with those glasses on. But when the Russians make their move to kill Jack, it is their eyes that are shot out, along with their chests and heads. That’s because the Fresh Prince has been watching from a nearby sniper perch with a gun that’s a lot more powerful than an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model BB Gun.

Then Jack calls Vlad and warns him to not to fudge with him anymore. Kinda like when Ralphie finally beats up that bully in the snow. So Vlad agrees to go ahead with the deal.

Next week: Jack and Renee share a tender moment as all hell breaks loose around them, while Hastings gets a leg lamp and Flick’s tongue gets stuck to a frozen flagpole.

Oh Fudge.

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Questions? Comments? Feedback? Want to get on the email alert list? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

Jingle All the Way with Purple Goldfish

2010-01-31T18:07:00.002-05:00

Have you checked out The Purple Goldfish Project yet? Stan Phelps is collecting 1001 examples of Marketing Lagniappe. (Pronounced lăn-yăp.) That’s the Louisiana word that captures the way companies go above and beyond to make their customers happy and feel appreciated. (Think Baker’s Dozen.)

Out pals at Classic Shine in Greenwich are on the list.

Well, Stan found two incredibly creative and talented fellows who both write catchy jingles for businesses. They agreed to a “Jingle-Off” and both are available for viewing on the Marketing Lagniappe web site. Check them out and be sure to vote for your favorite.

And if you know a "Purple Goldfish", tell Stan about them and maybe they will make the list!

24- Season 8.5 8pm: I Give This Episode Two Thumbs, no wait… One Thumb Up

2010-01-26T00:22:00.009-05:00

8 pm

We begin in the fictional country of Kamistan, where the fictional participants in the attempted coup d'état are being rounded up by Hassan’s men. This uprising must be dealt with swiftly and severely in order to send the right message and keep Hassan’s power intact. It’s the only language these people understand. What this really means is that most of these people will be executed. This latest development gives Madame President a bad case of agida*, because she knows the global community “frowns upon” a little thing called human rights violations. So this could be a bit of a speed bump in the peace talks.

But Hassan Chop has other domestic problems on his mind. After ending the relationship with his mistress, he tries to reconcile with his wife, but she wants nothing to do with him. So now he’s got nothing. Meanwhile, his evil brother has plenty. When we catch up with Farthead he’s still working out the details of the transaction with Sergei, the Russian uranium salesman. Farthead needs about five hours to get the funds transferred from his account, so Sergei offers him two hot, Russian hookers to kill the time. I’ll tell you what, if I was Farthead, and that’s how I had to pass the time, I would pretend to get a text message and tell Sergei that the funds will actually take more like ten hours to arrive.

Back at CTU, Dana finishes up the background story for Jack & Renee. Chloe checks in with her for an update when Dana gets a call on her cell. But it’s not a call for Dana, its Kevin calling for Jenny. Nice to see CTU agents taking personal calls in the middle of a crisis. I wonder if they are updating their Facebook pages, sending tweets and winking to people on Match.com too.

Kevin reveals that Jenny is an ex-con and accessory to murder. So I guess about the only thing CTU agents don’t do on company time is thorough background checks on potential employees. Afraid of losing her job and her fiancé, Dana asks Arlo to cover for her and sneaks out. For four episodes, all we heard was how short-handed CTU is because of budget cuts, but Arlo has enough time to cover for Dana. But Arlo is sweet on Dana, so he’ll do whatever it takes. (He’d be better off on Match.com.)

When Dana gets home, she finds Kevin watching a football game with some shady friend of his. It made me think; this must mean that this is a Sunday, Monday or Thursday night, since those are the only nights the NFL is on. Except for Saturday games during the playoffs… but it’s too warm to be January. And it can’t be January, because then it would be too cold to fake L.A. for New York like they are doing. But I digress…

Kevin gets quite abusive with Jenny/Dana and finally offers her an ultimatum; if she will use her CTU connections to help him make a big score, he’ll finally leave her alone. She tearfully agrees, and but is secretly a bit relieved that Kevin and his buddy are just watching football and not running up her cable bill by pay-per-viewing porn.

Meanwhile, Joseph, the son of the uranium salesman, disobeys his father and takes his brother to a doctor in Mt. Vernon, where he forces the doctor to cooperate by threatening his family. I was a bit distracted at this point because once they mentioned Mt. Vernon, all I could think about was The Bayou restaurant on Gramatan Ave. in Mt. Vernon. One of my favorite places… great food, great bands, decorated with an Elvis bust and KISS dolls, an endless selection of hot sauces and VooDoo Wings that make my mouth water just thinking about them. (Oh God, who’s up for The Bayou the weekend? Email me.)

Now that we got all that other side-character crap out of the way, we can focus on the real meat of the story, Jack and Renee. It turns out I was wrong last week about two things; Zia’s name is actually spelt Ziya and Renee did not cut off his hand, just his thumb. This would be traumatic for anyone, but it’s especially bad for Ziya. You see, since coming to the U.S. he has become a big fan of the American TV icon, The Fonz. Thanks to Crazy Renee, he can never go out for Halloween as his hero. No matter though, his Happy Days are just about over anyway. Jack storms into the store and accuses Renee of being unstable, but that’s a little like the Burger King telling Ronald McDonald that his food is fattening. So instead of calling off the operation, they cauterize Ziya’s wound and head off for a meeting with Vlad. Renee and Jack communicate with a magic earplug that enables then to talk and hear, but it’s not visibly noticeable to anyone else. (This would certainly come in handy for Ziya, who will be requiring a hands-free phone from now on.)

Ziya takes Renee to Vlad’s hideout, and on the ride over, Chloe finds out that Vlad and Renee have a rough past that involves a lot of physical abuse and probably some rape. This got me thinking that maybe this season will turn into a rape revenge story, kind of like the Dirty Harry movie “Sudden Impact” or the all-time classic, “I Spit on Your Grave.”

Vlad is suspicious of Renee and quizzes her on her New Mexico back-story. Jack pulls a Cyrano de Bergerac and tells Renee what to say through the magic earplug. She maintains her ice cold poker face even when she has to wait for Chloe to funnel the answers to Jack. Renee gets all the facts straight, but Vlad still smells a rat and throws Ziya and Renee in the trunk of his car. Ziya, is probably thrilled to be in such close proximity to a hottie like Renee, but we’ll never know it because he can’t give us a thumbs-up.

Jack, fearing for Renee’s life, follows the car and instructs CTU to intercept and call off the mission. When he realizes he’s following a decoy, he unleashes a stream of “DAMMITS” so long, that if laid out in a row, would stretch all the way to Kamistan and back.

Once out of the truck, Renee and Ziya are held at gunpoint on their knees. Jack hears a gunshot and sh*#s a brick, but is relieved when he hears it’s only Ziya who is dead. Poor Ziya… but on the bright side, he doesn’t have to worry about that thumb anymore.

Vlad gives Renee one more chance to tell him the truth. She tells him that the truth is she has nothing to live for except this deal and encourages him to pull the trigger. Meanwhile, Jack continues to spout bricks. Vlad is moved by her words and decides to buy her story. Jack is relieved, but knows that there is more to Renee’s death wish than just the cover story.

Next week, it could be curtains for Renee when she goes dark. Shower curtains, that is. And Jack goes undercover using the Seinfeld glasses.

I can’t wait.

References -

Urban Dictionary Definition:
*Agida: Italian-American slang for heartburn but it can also mean mental aggravation. The word is Italian-American slang derived from the Italian "agitare" meaning "to agitate.”

The Bayou

www.bayourestaurantny.com‎

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Questions? Comments? Feedback? Want to get on the email alert list? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

24- Season 8.4 7pm: Red Handed

2010-01-19T09:14:00.002-05:00

7 pm

Okay, here’s the episode all the guys have been waiting for. It’s the return of everyone’s favorite fiery redhead, Renee Walker. The woman I affectionately referred to last year as Agent Lohan. Although I did not come up with these, I wanted to quickly share some of the other names that other 24 fans have given her: Jacqueline Bauer and Rack Bauer. Brilliant, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

This episode picks up with us wondering if Fresh Freddie Prince will emerge from flaming wreck of his car. Davros, the assassin dressed like a motorcycle cop, draws his gun and sets off to finish off Hassan. This relentless killing machine in a CHiPs outfit couldn’t help but remind me of the bad Terminator from T2. But before he can get to Hassan, the Fresh Prince emerges from the wreckage and gets Hassan safely into a CTU vehicle.

Then, while on the phone with Jenny from the Block… I mean Dana, Fresh actually spots Davros out of a sea of policemen and chases him into the only dark and deserted alley within 10 miles of the UN. Ever the multi-tasker, even while he flees Davros advises Hassan’s evil brother Farthead to get the hell out of Dodge. Farthead, who is in a limo with Hassan’s wife and kid, is not one to dilly-dally. He jumps out of the car, stabs a cop in the neck and takes off into the night.

The Fresh Prince heads into the dark building and plays a game of cat & mouse with Davros. The bad guy gets the jump on Fresh, points a gun to his head and tells him to call in a false report that will enable him to escape. Fresh again impresses us by not cooperating, almost certainly sealing his fate. But when the shot rings out, it is Davros that falls. Jack Bauer has finally arrived.

Hassan and the body of Darvos are taken back to CTU, where Chloe is sitting on the biggest “I told you so” in the history of “I told you so’s”. And to her delight, Hastings finally gives her props. Just for a second, her smirk actually turns to a smile.

While at CTU, Hassan has a chance to thank the Fresh Prince for saving his life and to talk to his girlfriend, Miss Reed. Things would have gotten steamy between the two, but not for the mood-killing glass walls of CTU and the gawking eyes of the guards. There’s just no privacy there. I bet even the bathroom stalls have glass doors. Hassan basically tells Reed he loves her, but he has to end things and give it another try with his wife… for the greater good. Here’s where I predict that Miss Reed, who we were initially mislead into thinking was evil, will now actually do something bad. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Meanwhile, Davros continues to cause trouble, even from beyond the grave. His body triggers a bio-hazard alarm. (This kind of thing happens to Courtney Love all the time.) It turns out his body has trace-elements of weapons grade uranium. Hassan Chop figures that Farthead must have been trying to step-up his country’s nuclear program by purchasing uranium from the Russian mob. Faced with the task of taking on the Reds, CTU looks up the best agent for the job. The top undercover person they have is also a red… head. Yep, Renee Walker. It seems a few years ago she was under deep cover with the Ruskies and her cover is still intact. But she left the FBI under bad circumstances and has been living a troubled existence ever since. When Jack hears this, he explains that he tried to contact Renee a few times, but she blew him off. He decides that his part is done and prepares to leave for LA. But once he learns that Renee has agreed to go back undercover, he changes his mind. It seems his heart is also as big as Hassan’s hair. Poor Chloe… Jack has no problem saying no to her, but when it comes to Kim or Renee, he’ll change his mind in a New York minute.

But what about Farthead? He heads off to a Russian Tea Room to meet with some shady Russians who are drinking some tea. After being assured that the uranium is real by meeting a radiation-poisoned Ruskie locked in the cooler, Farthead moves ahead his plan to complete the uranium deal. I am still not sure why uranium being sold by Russians to Muslims needs to be in the United States at all. But I’ll just roll with it.

Back at CTU, Jack and Renee finally reunite. They hug and all that tension between then picks right back up. Jack shows us the scars on Renee’s wrists, just so we understand the extent of her problems. Renee, however, seems reinvigorated by the mission. Maybe a little too invigorated. So Jack joins the team, much to her chagrin. They have to find a Ruskie named Zia, an old contact of Renee’s who can lead them to another Ruskie named Vladimir. (Note, Vladimir is another alumni of Battlestar Galactica. And his character was a Cylon who had an obsession with Starbuck, better known as 24’s Dana. Small world, huh?)

The best part of the whole episode is that Renee’s undercover persona is a seductive, bad girl with a breathy voice and a come-hither look. Jack waits in the car while she heads into a store to talk to her old pal Zia. Zia is reluctant to help her, so she turns up the heat and starts to tease him. When he tells her he can’t help her because of his parole bracelet, Renee tells him it’s no problem. She knows how to get those off. She secures his arm in a vice and pulls out a power saw. As she lowers the blade, Zia mentions that she can’t cut the wristband or he’ll get in trouble. No worries, she has no intention of ruining a perfectly good wristband. Instead, she cuts off his freaking hand.

When he hears the screams, Jack races in and sees the mess she has made. He wants to call the whole operation off, but Renee tells him to man-up. This is the big leagues and things will get ugly. She has a point. Jack has done stuff like this before. It’s like the kettle calling the pot black… or red in this case.

Renee tells Jack to cauterize Zia’s nub so they can get on with the mission. Holy crap, Renee is nuts. I love it. This is awesome.

Four hours have elapsed, 20 more to go. I can’t wait to see what else Renee has up her sleeve. It’s certainly more than Zia, who without a hand, now has considerably less up his sleeve.

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Questions? Comments? Feedback? Want to get on the email alert list? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below

24- Season 8.3 6pm: Cop Out

2010-01-19T07:51:00.002-05:00

6 pm

The first thing I learned during the opening credits tonight was that the cop-impersonating bad guy, Mike Farmer, is really named Davros. I also learned that Hassan Chop’s brother’s name is Farhad. I think a good nickname for him is simply Farthead.

So the first hour starts with Davros forcing his police partner to call in and switch shifts with him. Then he kills them. We all saw that coming.

Then we cut to a leather-clad Jack Bauer strutting the means streets of New York. It quickly gets very reminiscent of the opening sequence of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Jack walks by some locals shooting some b-ball who don’t appreciate him wandering around their turf and start making trouble in the neighborhood. One guy gets in Jack’s face, so Jack calmly flashes his gun. Then he asks them if they have seen his suspect and offers a hundred bucks for any info. One of the guys tells him the guy is across the street in one of the houses. Jack thanks them and says “Yo Holmes, smell ya later.”

And this Fresh Prince reference has inspired me to start referring to Freddie Prince as the Fresh Prince on this blog.

Jack discovers the bodies of cop and wife that Davros killed in the house and cautiously enters, but Davros is gone. However, he spots a couple of cops circling the house. He gets the jump on the cop in the backyard and tries to explain the situation, but the other cop sneaks up and zaps him with a tazer. Jack collapses into a convulsing pile of goo. I was hoping he might yell “Don’t taze me, Bro!” But this is Jack Bauer, and he doesn’t call people “Bro”.

Jack wakes up tied to a chair in the basement. For a second, I thought we might have a Zed-like situation, like in Pulp Fiction, but that’s not the case. It’s more like Reservoir Dogs. All that was missing was “Stuck in the Middle with You.” The big, bad cop wants to punish Jack because he thinks he’s a cop killer, and the good cop is too timid to stop him.

Meanwhile back at CTU, Chloe is worried about Jack, who has not checked in. But Hasting has bigger fish to fry. He’s trying to get Meredith Reed to spill the beans about the assassination attempt while his team decrypts her laptop. Meredith is not the type to kiss and tell, and doesn’t want to admit to her affair with Hassan Chop, but when they find her key to his place, she has no other choice. So Hastings has to call Hassan and awkwardly ask him if he’s been getting jiggy with Miss Reed. Farthead urges him to deny it, but Hassan can’t betray his beloved mistress. I guess his heart is as big as his hair.

Farthead calls Davros and tells him the bad news, but they decide to move ahead with the plan anyway. When the laptop is decrypted, CTU discover schematics of the UN and a plot to bomb the building. They quickly move to evacuate the building, despite Chloe’s warnings that they may be playing into the killer’s hands.

While all of this is happening, Kevin, the redneck that has been stalking Dana, shows up at CTU. You’d think the Counter Terrorism Unit would be a hard to find, as would the home addresses of their employees. But Kevin finds both CTU and Dana’s address without a hitch. He must have used the advanced search feature on Google. Dana slips off her engagement ring and meets him out in the parking lot, where he goes practically goes Ike Turner on her. He obviously has something on her, so she gives him her keys and lets him crash at her apartment for the night. Besides the verbal abuse, I’m willing to bet he also made a bunch of long distance phone calls and ordered a bunch of pay-per-view porn at her place. That bastard.

Back in the basement, after taking a small beating, Jack manages to free himself and overpower the bad cop. Good cop steps in and finally corroborates Jack’s story with the authorities and they also figure out which cop is the assassin. When Jack gets word from Chloe about the bomb threat, the good cop gives him both a ride to the UN and his Jack Sack back.

CTU gets in touch with the Fresh Prince, but it’s too late to stop the evacuation. Hassan’s limo is already heading out to the street, where it will run over a bomb hidden in a manhole. Jack tells the Fresh Prince to stop that limo at all costs, so Fresh channels his inner Buffy, puts the pedal to the metal. He heroically drives his car in front of Hassan’s limo and takes the brunt of the explosion.

Did the Fresh Prince Survive? Will Davros get away? Will Farthead be discovered? Did the car crash muss up Hassan’s hair? We’ll find out in a few minutes, when the next hour begins.

24- Season 8.2 5pm: The Bronx is Up and The Bauer is Down - Part 2

2010-01-18T10:10:00.004-05:00

Welcome back for a new season of 24. Scroll down for the recap of the first hour and then comeback and read this one.

5 pm

The second hour of the premiere has Jack and Cole heading back to CTU, where they have discovered that someone has been hacking into the UN security computers. The evidence all points to Meredith Reed, the reporter that has just gained access to President Hassan. I realize we need a nickname for Hassan, and “Slumdog” is just too obvious, so I am going to go with the Bugs Bunny reference and call him Hassan Chop. (See http://www.hassanchop.com/)

While CTU scrambles to find Miss Reed with facial recognition software, Chloe points out that the trail to this suspect was a little too obvious. But CTU Director “Bubba” Hastings does not want to hear it. While his agents swarm and capture Reed at the UN, he gets Chloe out of the way by sending her to debrief Jack. Jack sees merit to the photos Chloe finds of a suspicious character coming and going from Reed’s apartment right around the time her laptop would have been tampered with. But to her surprise, Jack wants nothing to do with the case. Kim is on her way to pick him and he just wants to get on with his life. That’s when Chloe calls him out on all the favors she’s done for him in the past. It’s awesome. How many times has she risked her job and broken the law to help him? But still, Jack says no.

Meanwhile, Hassan Chop and Madame President continue their negotiations. We learn that Hassan has had an affair with Reed, because he’s been living in a loveless marriage that is only still intact for show. Perhaps we should be calling Hassan “Bubba” instead of Hastings, because this sounds a lot like another President I know.

Reed is taken back to CTU and hooked up to their fancy equipment… like what seems to be an electronic bible that can tell if you are lying when you place your hand on it. And when they question her, they can in fact tell that she is lying. Unfortunately, she is lying about her affair, not a plot to kill Hassan Chop.

While all this is happening, also learn that while Dana Walsh is not what she seems. While she may appear to be a fancy, CTU agent with lots of gadgets, she’s still just Jenny from the Block. She gets a call from Kevin, some redneck, ex-con who knows her real identity and also has some kind of dirt on her. My guess is that this is the set-up for a blackmail scenario that will inevitably cause Dana to betray CTU.

Kim comes to CTU to pick up Jack, who thanks to CTUs open layout, has overheard Cole confronting Hastings about not sending enough agents to the roof. When Jack sees Kim, he finds out that she has talked to Chloe and she also does not want him to leave. She convinces Jack to stay, but she also wisely heads for the airport. God knows if she sticks around she’ll end up as a hostage or stuck in a bear trap, fending off mountain lions. So Jack heads back into CTU. As he passes through the threshold the background music switches from soft and emotional to the heroic Jack Bauer theme. It’s 5:37 and Jackie Boy is officially back in the game.

Naturally, the first thing Jack and Chloe do is break the rules. Chloe hacks into the drone computer system to see if she can get additional pictures from Reed’s apartment. They are able to zoom in on the suspect’s taxi cab and Jack now has a trail to follow. So naturally, Chloe helps him break into the armory so he can fill the Jack Sack with an arsenal. But Arlo discovers Chloe’s handiwork and Jack is busted by Hastings and Cole.

Across town, the bad guy shows up at a young couple’s apartment. The woman calls him Mike Farmer, and it turns out that he is a cop on security detail at the UN. The apartment is his partner’s. He asks his partner if he will switch shifts with him. When his partner refuses because of a prior commitment for his kid, Farrmer drops his fake American accent and pulls a gun. He ties up and shoots the wife in the leg, forcing his partner to call and switch shifts with him. Now he has access to Hassan Chop.

Back in the armory, Hastings is about to have Jack taken into custody when Jack plays the “P” card. He says that if Hastings doesn’t let him go, he’ll tell his pal, the President, about how Hastings did not send enough agents to the rooftop rendezvous. Hastings relents and let’s Jack fill his sack and go investigate his suspect. Cole, observing the entire exchange, is visibly aroused and now obviously has a man-crush on Jack.

Over at the UN, the talks continue. Hassan Chop’s brother, who has never been happy with all of the compromises being made in the negotiations, gets a phone call. It’s Mike Farmer. OMG, Hassan’s brother is helping the bad guy. He is the inside man.

Tonight, we’ll see if Farmer can get to Hassan. And another old friend returns. This one is cute as a button, tough as nails and looks a little like Lindsay Lohan.

See you in a little while.
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Questions? Comments? Feedback? Want to get on the email alert list? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

24- Season 8.1 4pm: The Bronx is Up and The Bauer is Down - Part 1

2010-01-18T08:11:00.007-05:00

Welcome back to a new season of 24. There’s a lot to cover, so let’s get going. I’m going to split up the two hours of the premiere so I can get to bed at a decent hour.

4 pm

Start spreading the news… Jack Bauer is back, and he’s in the Big Apple.
When last we saw Jack, he was on his deathbed. He was finally at peace with himself and had gone into an induced coma, awaiting death’s sweet embrace. But Kim Bauer was not ready to lose her father and submits to a dangerous stem cell procedure that could possibly save him.

Danger? Fiddlesticks.
She’s a Bauer; Danger is her middle name, baby.

We pick up sometime later. Jack has moved from the deathbed to the couch, where he is enjoying an afternoon with his granddaughter, Teri. He has fully recovered from the disease and is contemplating a move to LA with his daughter Kim and her husband Stephen. I’m guessing the move to California is Stephen’s idea, because he looks an awful lot like Red Sox GM Theo Epstein and probably gets a lot of grief living in New York.

Before we go any further, I want to remind you people of something. It’s the most basic rule of watching 24; don’t get too attached to any character. It’s just not worth it. They will burn you. Remember, any one of them could be a mole, a sleeper cell or some other kind of covert bad guy. On the other hand, some of the people that may seem bad may really be good…. like a double agent, or maybe even a triple or quadruple agent. But most of all don’t get attached because anyone can die at any moment.

A perfect example is the very first character we meet tonight, Victor. Don’t get too attached. Victor is played by the guy who was Aceveda on The Shield. So this guy is going from Vic Mackey to Jack Bauer. (If you know The Shield, you know that is like going from the frying pan to the fire, except besides boiling oil, the frying pan was also full of corrupt cops, evil gangbangers and compromising cell phone pictures.) When we meet Victor, he is dressed like Little Red Riding Hood and being tailed by some assassins. He manages to escape, but not before he is shot in the shoulder. He makes his way to Jack Bauer’s place and we learn that he is an old CTU informant. As usual, he wants to trade protection and immunity for information about an impending assassination attempt on Omar Hassan, the President of the fictional Muslim nation of Kamistan and the owner of one impressive head of hair. Hassan is played by the Indian Regis Philbin guy from Slumdog Millionaire. But in this case, he’s the one who’s gonna need a lifeline. Hassan is in town for peace talks with our old pal, Madame President.

Yep, Allison Taylor’s run as President is still going, even though her marriage is not. I guess turning in her murderous daughter was too much for the First Hubby. Either that or maybe she just doesn’t put out anymore. But her old pal Nathan is still by her side. With Nathan it’s “‘til death do the part.” Unfortunately that might happen sooner rather than later. During a break in the negotiations we see Nathan popping pills and we learn that he is dying. This being 24, he can expect him at death’s door before the end of the day. Perhaps he’ll be sacrificing himself at some point. Just a hunch.

Jack calls CTU and tells them about Victor’s news and they agree to send a chopper to a nearby police precinct to pick them up. This is where we get to meet the new clowns at CTU: NY and also see their new digs. The new CTU office has a CSI: Miami look to it, while maintaining the trademark windows and stairways that we all have grown to love. There’s also some cool Get Smart-like sliding doors and plenty of new technology. And having trouble keeping up with this new technology is one familiar, scowling face, our girl Chloe. She’s working under the new, hot CTU computer chick, Dana Walsh. Dana is played by Katie Sackhoff, who was also the new, hot Starbuck on BattleStar Galactica. It was a big night on Fox for Galactica alumni, because Tricia Helfer, the hot, blonde Cylon, was on Human Target just before 24.

Dana is engaged to Cole Ortiz, played by Freddie Prince Jr., who is the latest hot shot CTU agent in the tradition of Chase and Rickey Schroeder. There’s also a geek named Arlo, who runs the flying drones that fly around Manhattan. Arlo also uses the drones to spy on sunbathing chicks and is caught gawking at Dana’s rack at one point. This makes him the most realistic guy in 24 history. We also meet the new head of CTU, Brian Hastings, who is played by Bubba from Forrest Gump.

Dana is a bit more knowledgeable than Chloe about the new CTU software and is also a much more formidable rival than Agent Garofalo from last year. She’s smart, attractive, and confident and she outranks Chloe. Chloe does even attempt to hide the chip on her shoulder. She also has problems with Hastings, who is not confident in her Chloe’s abilities and even less thrilled with her attitude. There are also signs of budget problems and downsizing at CTU. We learn that Morris was laid off and that CTU is running lean. When you hear the word “lean” at your job, you know it’s time to revise your resume. Unfortunately, this means that CTU does not send enough men to pick up Jack and Victor.

When Jack and Victor head out for the rendezvous, another long lost character makes an appearance. Yep… the Jack Sack is back. And like the way the Batmobile evolves with each new Batman movie, this Jack Sack has a new look too. This time it’s a swanky leather courier bag; possibly Coach or Gucci. It seems Mr. Bauer has been spending some time uptown, or maybe it’s a knock-off he bought from a guy on a corner.

Anyway, the bad guys are monitoring the emergency frequencies and find Jack while he’s attempting to clean Victor’s wound in an alley with the cloth from a dirty mattress. (That’s sanitary, right?) He must have cut the tag off the mattress, because someone spots him and calls the cops. Jack and Victor flee from the bad guys after a shoot out that kills a couple of cops. Jack runs out of bullets, and the bad guys seem to have them cornered in a stairwell. But this is Jack Bauer, and he don’t need no stinking bullets. He takes a page out of The Shining and chops down the bad guys with a fire ax.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Sorry. Combined references to The Shining and Jack Bauer can do that to me.

Jack and Victor make it to the roof, and meet an understaffed Freddie Prince… I mean Ortiz. Just as Jack has convinced Ortiz that he does not need to go back to CTU, a missile flies in and takes out the chopper. Everyone except Jack and Cole die. With his dying breath, Victor tells Jack that there is an insider involved in the assassination plot. To this I would expect Jack to say “No sh*t, Sherlock.” After all, this is 24. When is there not an insider involved?

And who might this insider be? It just might be Meredith Reed, a perky, blonde reporter who has been denied entry into the UN but is able to call Hassan directly and have him grant her access for an interview, despite the reservations of his brother… who looks a lot like Jason Schwartzman, the guy from Funny People, Bored to Death and I Heart Huckabees. It is clear Hassan has the hots for Reed, even though he is married. Maybe they should call him Tiger Hassan.

The hour ends with Miss Reed gaining access to the UN from Hassan. Is she on her way to do an interview, make sweet love or to kill him? The episode is over, but the two hour premiere is just getting started.

Scroll up for the recap of hour two.
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Questions? Comments? Feedback? Want to get on the email alert list? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

Jack in the Saddle Again

2010-01-17T16:35:00.003-05:00

Welcome back.
So it's finally here; season eight of 24 starts tonight.

Just a little housekeeping before we get started....
As you may know, this blog started on my old web site, Back in Jack, then I moved it to this Blogger site because it's MUCH easier to manage.

Well, I finally fixed the old URL so it points here, so now you can find me at www.backinjack.com. And www.backinjack.blogspot.com also still works.

I'll be back later after football and the big two hour premiere.

Viva L'Almeida!

The Power of Love

2009-12-31T11:50:00.007-05:00

Hi Folks,

I thought the best way to end the year, or maybe start the new one, was with this image of two sisters reunited thanks to the power of love and friendship.

As you may have read here and elsewhere, my friend Keri Cahill has been trying to adopt a Russian girl named Anya, who is the sister of Keri's adopted daughter Nastia. Long story short, Anya's visa was denied in the 11th hour and we have been fighting ever since to get her a student visa. (You can learn more at our web site: http://bringanyahome.org/)

In the meantime, we have raised enough money through a grassroots effort to send Keri and Nastia over to Russia for a short reunion with Anya. As you can see from the picture, the girls are quite happy to see each other.

So thank you to everyone who has helped the effort in any way, and please keep up the work in 2010.

Happy New Year.

PS- 24 starts in a couple of weeks. Woo hoo. See you soon.

- Jack

Top Chef Las Vegas: The Finale- V for Victory

2009-12-16T20:16:00.003-05:00

Sorry I am so late with comments about the last two weeks of Top Chef. I watched the last two episodes on DVR and have just not been able to sit down and write my blog. I think part of the reason I put it off was that, deep down inside, this season was a little bit lackluster compared to others. Sure, it was a fun ride and I enjoyed it, but I did not connect with this year’s group like I have in past years. The line between good guys and bad guys was very blurred. You wanted to hate Mike Voltaggio for his arrogance, but you had to admire is creativity. Unlike Marcel, who may have been talented, but was still a jerk. Perhaps Mike I. was the Hung of this year, but he still was not as interesting. Jen was cute, and started off as a real firecracker, but her drive and her charm faded as the weeks went on. I liked her, but she was no Casey. The whole season was just not as compelling. But it was still pretty good.

When Jen was eliminated in the second-to-last episode, it was no surprise. I think everyone expected the brothers to make it to the finals. They were both great chefs, and that’s where the ratings are. It’s kind of like those ghost hunting shows. There are things that happen that seem like they could be real paranormal activity, but for the most part, I bet it’s mostly staged. After all, if nothing ever happened, you wouldn’t have a show. All along I felt that behind the scenes they knew the brothers would be in the final episode. And since Kevin was so strong throughout the entire season, it would have been a crime if he didn’t make it too.

So in the finale, as usual, the three chefs have to draw knives and they will be assigned a former contestant as a sous-chef. This is one of those elements of the competition that is really not fair. You come all this way, and on the occasion of the most important meal of your life, you may get pared with a bozo who can screw the whole thing up for you. But, ‘dems the breaks, and if you can’t take the heat, get out of the Top Chef kitchen. Unfortunately, my favorite, Kevin, was the unlucky one, and he gets Preeti and Ash as his partners. Ash is okay, but Preeti is more like a lead weight around Kevin’s neck than a helper. Meanwhile, Bryan gets Ashley and Jen, two people who are perfectly suited for this kind of role. Mike V. gets Eli and Jesse. I have to be honest, I did not even remember Jesse, and I wrote recaps every week about this show. I think, looking back, it’s because she dyed her hair blonde. And I was sad that Big Papi did not make the cut. I love that big lug.

The finalists were surprised when their mothers show up the night before the last event. Again, did the Top Chef people choose the Voltaggio brothers so that they could save on airfare and hotels by just having one mother for the two of them? (Am I over-thinking this?)

Tonight, which is December 16, 2009, they are showing a reunion show and supposedly we will hear which brother the mother was actually rooting for. If she says Bryan, I bet Mike V. throws a mushroom at her. (Or something that looks like a mushroom, but really is some other ingredient. He’s so clever.)

The night before, the chefs prep, and that’s where Preeti plays the iceberg to Kevin’s Titanic. You didn’t think anything could sink this guy, but before you know it, the band is playing on the deck.

During the prep, I had a feeling Bryan was going to win the whole thing. He had a good game plan, was playing to his strengths and seemed poised. Kevin was troubled, but you could not count him out.

When the cooking started, it became a rollercoaster. They had to add a dish inspired by their mothers, for one thing. Kevin seemed to kick butt with that dish. That does not surprise me, since he is a pro at home cookin’. Bryan’s first course was under seasoned. I am guessing that the judges don’t have a salt shaker at their table, because I would think in some cases, it would be better to let the diner add a little salt rather than risk over salting a dish. (For instance, I seasoned a batch of French fries today. I still would give the chef at the sports bar a thumbs-up for the meal.) Mike undercooked a prawn, and I thought that was a bad way to start off. But his fried broccoli seemed pretty cool. (I have never been a fan of the green stuff, and would love to try that.)

The second round was a mystery box, in which were ingredients that the chefs had to use. Kevin did pretty well with this one, but Bryan played it safe and once again was under seasoned. Mike V. was the big winner in this round.

The third round was chef’s choice, and Bryan hit a homerun with his venison. Mike V. lost points for a gimmick he did with mushrooms. (See? Mushrooms.) Kevin’s dish was just okay.

This race is getting hard to call. No one is pulling away.

The last course was dessert, and the Voltaggio brothers were much more comfortable with this than Kevin. Seems that a lot of Top Chef wannabe’s have trouble with dessert. Kevin makes a banana dish and plays the “B” card. He uses bacon, practically the equivalent to using PEDs in sports, except bacon is legal. But it can be an unfair advantage. But not this time. Kevin loses points for his dessert. Meanwhile, Mike V. over cooks his little cakes, and I thought he was all done. He undercooked a dish and over cooked a dish. But I really did think his dishes were creative and interesting this time. Bryan does the best with dessert.

So we head into the judges table and I pretty much thought Bryan would win. He was the safest of the three, had less highs, but also less lows. First Padma fakes us all out, including poor Kevin, when she calls his name, only to tell him he’s not Top Chef. That was a cheap shot.

It came down the Voltaggio brothers…. And the winner was little brother, Mike. I have to admit, I was surprised. But his creativity and boldness to lend themselves to the title of Top Chef. I do think Bryan is a better chef, and I think I would rather eat Kevin’s food. But I am always interested in what Mike V. has up his sleeve.

Mike was quite humble after he won, which was nice after all of his cockiness throughout the year. Something tells me you’ll be seeing a lot of Kevin and the Voltaggio brothers in food circles for years to come.

So that’s it for another season of Top Chef. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, and thanks for reading my blog. I’ll be starting up on my 24 blog in January, and I will continue to write about other random things as they come to me. So keep an eye on Back-in-Jack, and feel free to leave some comments below.

Bon Appetite.

Inexhaustibly For Anya - Bring Anya Home

2009-12-06T11:16:00.006-05:00

Hi Friends,

I know, I am late getting the lastest Top Chef blog up. It will get here eventually.

I have been busy with a few things, including helping out a good cause. Inexhaustibly For Anya - Bring Anya Home.

Keri Cahill of Massachusetts is attempting to save the life of Anya... a homeless orphan living on the streets of a Siberian Coal Mining town. It all began about 4 years ago when Keri successfully adopted Anya's sister Nastia. After the adoption, Nastia became aware of a sister living in Siberia that she only had faint memories of. It turns out that the two girls were in fact sisters, and separated when they were both lost into the orphanage system.

Anya is currently 18 and no longer eligible for adoption, and has been released from the system to the streets. She is trying so desperately to avoid being swallowed by the sex trade and drugs. With Keri's guidance from the other side of the world, they have been successful so far. As an orphan in Russia, you are not permitted to travel freely, and need government authorization to travel to Moscow. This process took Keri about 3 years. Anya is currently in Moscow and presented herself at the US Embassy fully expecting to get a student visa as she had all the documentation and enrollment forms for Salem State College. Her visa has been denied, largely based on a whim of an Embassy staffer.

We, Keri’s friends, have started a grassroots social media and letter writing campaign, and have gotten both Senator Kerry, and Senator Kirk involved. The process is currently in the works to approach Secretary Clinton through a contact Keri has in Washington.

We drastically need more exposure to this story. We have had television press on both the local ABC affiliate and NECN. The Boston Globe and the Salem Evening News have also done stories. For links and more details you can check http://www.bringanyahome.org/ and our Facebook page "Inexhaustibly For Anya - Bring Anya Home". Our Facebook group has over 2500 followers.

Please check out the web site and help out if you can. You can also follow us on Twitter. @bring_anya_home.

Thanks.
Jack

Times Keep a Changing

2009-11-25T16:14:00.010-05:00

Growing up in Greenwich, CT, there were only two choices in town when going to the movies. The “Cinema” movie theater on Greenwich Ave. or the “Plaza”, down the hill on Railroad Ave. (Or your third option, you went to Stamford.) The Plaza was bigger and newer, and has since expanded into a three theater house. The Cinema was the smaller, older place. It eventually went to two screens, but it still had a more classic look and feel to it. And yes, perhaps it was a bit more rundown.

Well, I’m sad to say, the Cinema is gone.

I guess they could not keep up with all the new megaplexes and multiplexes that are popping up, as well as the countless other forms of entertainment out there, like HD televisions, home theater systems and Blu-Ray players.

They closed it down a while back. I wondered if they were just renovating it, but last night I drove by and discovered what had taken its place; an Apple Store. (See photo.)

It’s actually a very cool looking space, and I can totally understand why Apple would want a store on a road like Greenwich Ave. But I have to admit, it’s a little sad that the place where I stood in a huge line to see Star Wars with my dad in ’77 is now gone. I saw many pivotal movies there, from Animal House to Saving Private Ryan. I have great memories of my parents, friends and family there. It was a special place.

Let’s face it, this is nothing new in Greenwich, or anywhere else these days. No one who grew up in Greenwich can even recognize the Ave. anymore. There’s a Victoria’s Secret right next to the church. The old drug store with the soda fountain is now a J. Crew. Where Woolworth once stood, there’s a Sak’s Fifth Ave. And now there’s an Apple store in the old movie theater.

I know you can’t stand in the way of progress, and I realize that tons of people really enjoy their Macs and iPods. But somehow I don’t think an Apple store will resonate with the locals in quite the same way in which that old movie theater did.

Hang in there Plaza. We need you more than ever.

Top Chef Las Vegas, Ep. 12 (and 11 too.): Leaving Las Vegas

2009-11-19T11:03:00.010-05:00

It took me so long to catch up on last week’s Top Chef that I did not have a chance to write about it. Sorry. Let’s take a quick look at last week and then quickly cover this week.

So first of all, did you see Padma on 30 Rock? She does a pretty good job on Top Chef, but if she were being judged on her acting like she judges food, I’m afraid she’d be packing her knives and going home.

Last week was big for me. Talk about things getting hot in the kitchen… when they revealed Nigella Lawson as the guest judge, and put her and Padma in pajamas for breakfast in bed, I nearly passed out. All we needed was Giada De Laurentiis and we would have had the holy trinity of food hotties all in one hotel room.

Last week was significant for a couple of reasons. First, Robin finally came to the end of her miraculous run. She was nowhere near the best chef, she had no friends or allies, and yet through hard work and a lot of luck, she outlasted a lot of other chefs who where technically more skilled than her.

The other noteworthy things were Eli winning the Quickfire and then narrowly escaping elimination in the end. Jen dodged a bullet as well. She is clearly deflated and out of gas. Michael V. won the day, with a chicken wing, of all things. Funny, this week he makes a crack about the simple food that Kevin makes, and yet he wins with just that sort of dish.

On to this week; it’s the last week in Vegas before the head to Napa for the finale. There was a lot of French lingo being tossed around. If you want to know the proper names of a lot of the stuff from this episode, look it up on the Top Chef site. I just want to concentrate more on what happened.

We meet guest judge Gavin Kaysen, who was part of the US team at this big French food competition. As I mentioned, I can’t spell it and don’t have time to look it up. One thing I have learned from Top Chef is that I really know very little about the food scene in America or the world. Each time they introduce a famous chef, I only know them if I have seen them on TV. Up until now, the most famous chefs I knew of were Dave Thomas, Col. Sanders, Ronald McDonald, Orville Redenbacher and Roscoe, the genius who married chicken and waffles.

The Quickfire involved wrapping a protein in a protein in a protein. Jen mentioned a turducken, which is exactly what I thought of. Yum. But no one actually made one. During this event we learn that Kevin and Eli were friends before Top Chef. I am not sure if I knew that. They both make home-style food and are a counterbalance to the more sophisticated Voltaggio brothers. And somewhere in the middle is Jen.

Jen makes a wise decision not to make a turducken, because the calamari steak dish she made actually wins the contest. This was huge for her. She has been fading fast these last few weeks, and she really needed a boost like this. As a bonus, she gets 30 extra minutes to cook in the elimination challenge. And she admits, she needs it.

The chefs have to create a pretty sophisticated meal to the panel of judges. Included in the mix is Thomas Keller, touted as something like the greatest American chef. Once again, I have never heard of him. The Elimination Challenge is based on the The Bocuse d’Or competion. Here is an explanation from its chairman’s blog, Andrew Friedman.

The Bocuse d’Or (the name translates to “Golden Bocuse”) was founded by the iconic French chef Paul Bocuse in 1987 and it’s the world’s preeminent cooking competition—an international culinary showdown that pits two-person teams (a chef plus a commis, or assistant) from twenty-four nations against each other every other year in Lyon, France. The Bocuse d’Or assigns the proteins (meats and fish) and the candidates pick their own supporting ingredients. Each team cooks for five and a half hours, then presents two eye-popping old-school-style platters (one fish and one meat; each usually features a centerpiece and a virtual army of garnishes) that are paraded before an international jury, then plated and served to the individual judges.

So our chefs have to do a play on that. It’s tough. It requires skill, precision and flawless execution. Kevin decided to try a method he is not that familiar with; su vide, which is French for "under vacuum". I was alarmed by this choice. I like Kevin and don’t want to see him go home for sticking his neck out too far. But he survives, and is actually criticized a little bit for playing it safe. I thought that was interesting.

Bryan and Michael make very ambitious plates and both fall a bit short…. but Michael more than his brother. One judge finds a bone in his meal and his flavor and execution miss the mark. I really thought he was going home. Eli seems to put out a decent plate, but his lamb is undercooked. And he loses points for poor slicing technique, as does Jen.

Jen puts out a good plate visually, but her fish is sliced and cooked unevenly. As a matter of fact, the whole dish is uneven.

From the way the judges were talking, I really thought Mike V. would be going him. He seems to have misfired more than anyone. So I was surprised when Eli was eliminated. I don’t know… I think the fix might be in. Something tells me Bravo wanted the brothers to be in the finals together. Kind of like the networks would have preferred Yankees/Dodgers to Yankees/Phillies for rating purposes.
Either way, Eli is gone. Another guy who lasted longer than I expected. He laid low until the herd thinned out a bit and then emerged as a sort of dark horse.

Meanwhile Kevin is the big winner. Whether he wins Top Chef or not, this guys is all set. He wins 30 K and will be on the US team for the 2010 Bocuse d’Or. That’s like making the All Star team in cooking.

Next time, it’s on to Napa Valley. And judging from the promos, everyone will have a new hairdo.

See you next week. Bon Appetite.

Top Chef Las Vegas, Ep. 10: I Gotta Take a Leek

2009-10-30T11:36:00.011-04:00

I finally caught this week’s Top Chef on DVR. I had the chance to be out eating great food and chose that over watching people on TV cook food. So this week the chefs had to take a crack at TV Dinners. Although I watch a lot of TV while eating dinner, I have never been a fan of the traditional frozen TV dinner, so I was interested to see what they would whip up. To add to the fun, each chef drew a knife and got a TV show to base their dish on. I thought this was cool and was even more excited about this Quickfire Challenge. Unfortunately, very few of the chefs actually did much with the theme. Most of them weren’t even that familiar with their shows.

Here’s what they got and what immediately came to my mind:
- Kevin: The Sopranos- A great one. Make an Italian feast, feature something from the pork store and of course, some Capicola (gabagool). Kevin does meatballs. I doubt he’ll be the one to get whacked.
- Eli: Gilligan’s Island- This one is easy. Coconut cream pie, radioactive carrots & spinach and wash it down with some Spider Cider. Or The Skipper's favorite meal; a nice, thick, juicy steak. Eli admits he’s a bit young to really know Gilligan, so he does island themed macadamia shrimp. I can live with that.
- Jen: The Flintstones- Oh man, so much here. Obviously giant ribs, a bronto-burger, a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and any drink on the rocks. Unfortunately, Jen does not have any big beef to work with, so she does a lame chicken dish with little relevance to the show. Yabba dabba dull.
- Robin: Sesame Street- There are so many possibilities. Obviously cookies, but how about cooking a big bird? Or say your dish was brought to you by the letter “C” and make all foods that start with “C”. Also, make something with sesame seeds, for god sakes. While Robin does not know Sesame Street that well, she does at least make an attempt to link the color and look of her food to the show.
- Bryan: MASH- The first thing I thought of was mashed potatoes, which actually Bryan did. And I could not argue with his choice of Korean food. He does meatloaf & mashed potatoes. Henry Blake is yawning in his grave.
- Mike I.: Seinfeld- Perhaps the best one to get. So many funny possibilities. Mutton, mulligatawny soup, jambalaya, scrambled eggs with lobster, pretzels to make your mouth dry, Kenny Roger’s chicken, a Twix, Poppy’s handmade pizza… the list goes on and on. But Mike I. confesses that he never watched Seinfeld. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I never really liked this guy and now I know why. I hope he gets kicked off tonight. He makes sausage and peppers. He could have won this event by simply saying at presentation: “No soup for you!”
- Mike V.- Cheers- Bar food comes to mind, which is what Mike V. does, but I would have at least served a beer in honor of Norm. I also would have done a Boston themed meal… maybe some chowdah or baked beans.

Jennifer and Robin end up as the losers, and Kevin and Bryan are on top. Kevin ends up winning, but as I said, I was very disappointed by the lack of relevancy the food had to any of the TV shows. Kevin also wins the honor of his dish being featured as one of the new Top Chef frozen TV dinners. It’s the brand his grandma buys, and he says he hopes someday she can buy one with his picture on the box. I like Kevin, but my god man, you’ve won a lot of money already on this show. Step up and buy the damn meals for your grandma yourself. What kind of grandson are you?

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs get to take over Tom Colicchio’s Craftsteak restaurant at the MGM Grand. That night, the chefs eagerly plan there carnivorous platters, only to be surprised by guest judge Natalie Portman, who is a vegetarian. This throws a wrench in most people’s plans, but Robin is psyched because she is at home with vegetarian meals. Surprisingly, Kevin reveals that he and his wife take a vegetarian break each year. You’d never know it by looking at him. I guess potato chips and ice cream are not considered meat. His veggie break is probably why he’s still alive, after watching the segment where he eats everything in sight at the contestant’s’ dinner.

It’s apparent that there is no fight left in Jen. Her performance is starting to slide and each interview has her less confident than the last. The opposite is true of Mike I., who assumes that he'll keep moving on, no matter what he does.

I think my favorite part of this challenge was Tom Colicchio’s reactions to the dishes and the contestant’s explanations after words. A few words to describe it would be confounded, condescending, baffled, disgusted and annoyed.

The winners are Mike V., Eli and Kevin. Eli might have done better, but a judge got a piece of his lavender garnish in a bite and equated it to eating soap. Having tasted those soap ball decorations as a curious kid, I know how bad that can be.

Kevin ends up as the big winner again. He also wins a suite of GE kitchen appliances. Hey, maybe he can actually cook his grandma a meal or two now, instead of letting her eat frozen dinners.

When all is said and done, it’s Robin, Jen and Mike I. on the bottom. Mike I. was convinced he would win this challenge, but a pot of slow heating water drowns his hopes. He serves undercooked leeks. However, Robin seems to have finally written her ticket out of the kitchen. Not only does she attempt to cook two dishes she’s unfamiliar with, but she under serves her beans by three plates. Meanwhile, Jen has become Eeyore from Winnie the Poo. She practically concedes the contest at Judge’s Table.

Just as we all expected the knife to come down on Robin, a bomb is dropped instead. Mike I. is eliminated. The man many deemed as the wild card in this contest is gone. He’s shocked, Robin is shocked and so are the rest of us. Sure, he’s a cocky S.O.B., but Robin did not get all of her food served. Those must have been some bad leeks. Or maybe the judges just agreed with me that anyone who doesn’t watch Seinfeld should just pack their knives and get the hell out of the kitchen. In Seinfeld-speak, he’s just not sponge-worthy.

So Robin dodges a bullet and there is finally only one Mike that I have to write about.
See you next week. Bon Appetite.

Top Chef Las Vegas, Ep. 9: What a Revoltin’ Development

2009-10-22T08:51:00.003-04:00

Top Chef picks up this week with the crew lamenting the loss of Ash. He may have not been the best chef, but he was a nice guy and a pleasant presence in the kitchen. But make no mistake, this is not just a kitchen, it’s a battlefield. Luckily, the Voltaggio brothers keep reminding us of this with their constant fighting. And as we will see, the battle has really only just begun.

The Quickfire Challenge was a tag team cook-off with a few twists. Each chef drew a knife, but only Jen and Mike V. got to choose the teams. This quickly turned into a playground game of kickball, where the cools kids were all picked first and one poor soul gets picked last. Naturally that soul was Robin, who was not surprised in the least.

The teams were, in order that they cooked:
Blue: Jen, Laurine, Mike I. and Kevin
Red: Eli, Robin, Bryan and Mike V.

Kevin and Mike V. batted clean-up and it was clear that both teams tried to put their stronger chefs toward the end of the line. But the Blue team wisely harnessed Jen’s organizational skills and had her lead off. It paid off, as she laid out a variety of ingredients and options and set the Blue team off in a good direction.

This was a great challenge. As I mentioned, there were a few twists. The chefs were not allowed to speak to each other, and they were all blindfolded until it was time for them to take their ten minute turn. Kevin brought up a good point when he mentioned that going last meant that you could possibly take the blame for the team’s poor showing. But he had nothing to worry about; the Blue team delivers a wonderful fish dish. The funniest thing was the way Jen set up a pot of oil for poaching the fish, and each chef reacted differently to it. At first Laurine thinks it’s there to fry the garnish before realizing it’s for poaching. Mike I. ends up dumping it and starts it over, and Kevin abandons it altogether. Instead he cooks the fish in butter. I like the way this guy thinks.

The Red team did not do too badly either. Eli leads off and gets some steak started along with some other things. Robin jumps right in and continues to build the dish. Then Bryan steps in and sets the stage for his brother to succeed. Mike V. jumps in, finishes the steak dish. It’s good, but the Blue team clearly pleases the judge more.

The Blue team also wins $10K that they can split, or let ride in hopes of winning $10K each if they win the Elimination Challenge. They let it ride. You can see the confidence beaming from the Blue team. Meanwhile, the Voltaggio brothers are seeing red.

For the Elimination Challenge, the battle breaks out into all out war. Restaurant Wars, that is. While Restaurant Wars is always a highlight of each Top Chef season, it was a bit of a letdown that this year décor would not be part of the contest. To me, that’s half the fun of this challenge. But they will still be judged on their food, menu and service.

- The Blue team names their restaurant Mission and the Red goes with a combination of their names; Revolt. I guess naming a restaurant is a bit like your golf swing. It’s easier to see the mistakes when you are watching someone else. I knew it was a “revolting” name and so did you. And so did the judges. But in the heat of the moment, they thought it was a keeper.
- Laurine and Ash volunteer to take the front of the house of their respective restaurants. This is always a sexy option, but it has often spelled doom for past contestants as you become the face of the losing team, and often the fall guy.
- When Eli decides to leave his shirt untucked, I cringed. Even as a mostly untucked guy myself, I know there is a time and a place to tuck, and this would be one of those times. The judges also mention it later on.
- The Blue team thinks they are being clever when they decide to skip dessert, since it is usually the dish that gets someone sent home. However, it’s pretty much the judge’s first complaint when they see Mission’s menu. I am still astounded by how hard dessert seems to be to so many accomplished cooks.
- While at the Restaurant Depot, Mike I. and Laurine playfully block Robin and Eli from getting out of the car, and eventually beat them to the sparkling water. This sets Robin off, and she playfully pushes Laurine. The push is just barley playful.
- Later, in the Revolt kitchen Robin nearly stages a revolt when Mike V. begins to hound her and actually starts to adjust her dish. Robin stands her ground but Mike does belittle her something good. Mike V. claims he has the biggest heart of the group, but he also has the biggest mouth, temper and ego. But Robin knows the old saying about taking the heat in the kitchen…
- The Mission group’s night quickly goes to hell as soon as the guests arrive. Jen falls behind on her dishes and Laurine is overwhelmed by the house. Laurine also forgets several times to explain the dishes to the judges. Tom Colicchio mentions that Lauine seems to be hiding, and also pins some the blame on her when subpar food starts to appear at the table. I sense trouble for her.
- The Revolt team may have friction in the kitchen, but Eli does not let that spill out onto the floor. His shirt may be untucked, but he is quite buttoned up as a host.
- It was obvious that the Mission team did suffer from a bit of overconfidence. However, the dark horse that emerged tonight was Robin. Her pear dessert was the big hit, from a menu that was considered the best in Restaurant Wars history. Not bad.

It was hard to tell who was going to go home this week. Kevin undercooks the lamb, Jen fails with two dishes and Mission’s food service is dreadfully slow. All indicators point to Jen being sent home. Except, I keep remembering Tom Colicchio’s comments about Laurine. She’s definitely the weakest chef on Mission, and they don’t want to let Jen go too soon. Thus it is Mission Impossible for Laurine, and she takes the hit for her team and is asked to leave. Note for future contestants; Hiding from the judges is not good move when you are the hostess.

Meanwhile, Mike V. is the ultimate winner from the Revolt team. He is also awarded the $10K that Mission had just lost. As he had mentioned, he has a big heart and offers to split the money with his team. However, Bryan refuses to take his money out of principle. Mike V. can’t buy his way out of inappropriate behavior with his brother. I love it. I have not seen brothers like this since Wolverine and Sabertooth. (If you happen to have seen the latest Wolverine movie, you know what I mean.)

This is setting up nicely, huh? It certainly will be a let own if both of the Voltaggio brothers are not in the final four. I’m sure we have nothing to worry about. I’m guessing they will be there along with Kevin and Jen, with Mike I. being the wildcard.

Next week things heat up, thanks to Star Wars hottie, Natalie Portman. In Top Chef language, I’d say she’s quite a dish.

Bon Appetite.

Top Chef Las Vegas, Ep. 8: Kiss Your Ash Goodbye

2009-10-15T09:43:00.005-04:00

Things are heating up in the Top Chef kitchen, as the field is narrowing and there are fewer places for people to hide. This week, at the beginning of the show, we learn that Eli still lives with his parents and Robin does Pilates every morning. It illustrates my impression of these two. Eli is a spoiled brat and Robin has to work for everything she gets.

Mike V. reflects on his poor showing from last week and then confidently points out that even Babe Ruth struck out every now and then. (Perhaps all that flattery from Ash last week has gone to his head?)

When we get to the Top Chef kitchen, Padma introduces the guest judge, Charlie Palmer, a great American chef who has ties to both Voltaggio brothers. Bryan worked for him for 10 years and Mike worked with him for one year. The Quickfire’s theme this week was “pairing”. The chefs had to pair a dish with a selection from the Alexia frozen food collection. I had never heard of Alexia, and I’m afraid their advertising scheme worked on me. After watching this challenge, I not only looked them up online, but I have scoped out supermarkets in the area where I can find it. Some of those things sounded good, like those onions or BBQ chips. They even have spicy sweet potato fries, which I’m sure will appear in my dreams tonight. (Naturally, Padma will be feeding them to me in that dream, but that’s none of your business.)

The chefs go to it with mixed results. Kevin takes the fried onions and does a spin on the classic green bean casserole. Laurine takes a page from Dr. Lecter’s cookbook and incorporates fava beans into her dish. She should have paired it with a nice Chianti, if you ask me.

Jen makes pork chops, and quickly realizes that they are over cooked. That’s one of the differences between the better chefs and the rest. They tend to recognize their mistakes. How many times at judges table has Ash or Robin been surprised by the judges reaction to their food?

Sure enough, Robin, Ash and Jen end up on the bottom. Jen is there for poor execution while the other two simply made subpar dishes.

The top finishers are Eli, Bryan and Kevin. Eli scores his first win. I’m sure his parents are proud. Unfortunately, it was not a high stakes challenge, so he does not win any money, and he won’t be getting his own place anytime soon.

Then the Elimination Challenge is announced. The group will be cooking for the Pigs & Pinot event, which involves pork and Pinot Noir. I gotta tell you, if that Alexia food did not make me hungry enough, now they are working with two of my favorite things in the world. As a matter of fact, if I had written that song about “a few of my favorite things”, pork and Pinot Noir would definitely have made it into the lyrics. So would peanuts, baked potatoes, candy corn and mint chocolate chip ice cream among other things. But I digress…

After the contestant draw knives to determine which cut of pork they will use, they return to the house for the evening. Here, through the magic of video editing, we are treated to the non-stop chit chat of Robin and its adverse effect on the rest of the group. Kevin wisely stays out of the fray, but Mike I. and Eli’s distain for Robin is on display front and center. It must be weird for these people to watch the shows afterwards and see all the crap that is said about them behind their backs. If I were on this show, I’d be really careful about what I said about others… after all, all of these folks own really big knives.

- Bryan gets ribs, perhaps the most classic of pork dishes, but one that usually takes a long time to cook properly. His work is cut out for him.
- Kevin gets leg, and is thrilled to be working with pork. He even boasts a pig tattoo. This guy has the love. He comments that with his extensive experience with pork, it would be a major disappointment if he did not win this challenge. (Kind of like when Scarfy did not win the French cuisine challenge.)
- Ash gets tenderloin, perhaps the most delectable dish on the pork menu. When he takes advice from Mike I. and decides to serve a cold pork dish, I knew he was in trouble. Ash is clearly in over his head in this competition.
- Eli gets pork bellies, which always makes me think of Trading Places. Jen draws a wildcard knife and also chooses pork bellies. She wisely avoids a cut that’s susceptible to overcooking. She’s ready to redeem herself from her dry pork chops.
- Laurine gets pork butt and decides to make rillettes. Unfortunately, she does not properly prepare her dish and the judges compare it to cat food. To be honest, I can’t believe she survived this round.
- Robin makes pork chops, which are described as “slimy”. Unless you are cooking for the Adam’s Family, that is not a good word to describe your food.
- The brothers get into a tiff in the kitchen and Mike tells Bryan to go “F” himself at one point. The sibling rivalry is always interesting with these two, as is their loyalty when they are faced with an outside threat.

The top four turn out to be Mike V, Bryan, Jen and Kevin. It was Mike V. who compared himself to Babe Ruth, but it is Kevin who steps up to the plate and hits it out of the park. And, similar to Babe Ruth’s famous called shot, Kevin had pretty much predicted that he would win this challenge. Kevin also is awarded the honor of returning to Pigs & Pinot next year. I am seriously thinking of booking a ticket myself.

On the bottom we have the usual suspects; Robin, Ash and Laurine. I really thought this was it for Laurine, but when Ash starts talking he digs his own grave. He basically admits that he had second guessed himself again and had failed to execute what he calls “his food”. So Ash is asked to pack his knives and go.

Next week things continue to heat up as it’s time for everyone’s favorite, Restaurant Wars. I can’t wait to see how Robin does working in a team setting with this crew. As for me, I’m off to find me some pig and Pinot.

Bon Appetite.

Top Chef Las Vegas Ep. 7: Ashes to Ashley, All Fall Down

2009-10-13T10:29:00.005-04:00

Sorry this blog is late. I missed this past week’s Top Chef, but thanks to the miracle of DVR, I was able to catch it today. I think DVR is the best invention of the past 20 years, along with GPS and Lasik surgery. Now I can find my way home faster so I can watch television, watch my favorite shows at my convenience while skipping commercials and I can also see the TV a whole heck of a lot better.

So this episode featured Tyler Florence as the guest judge. Tyler is a staple on the Food Network. I always wonder the relationship between Top Chef and the Food Network is. Are they competitors? I mean, we often see chefs and personalities from one on the other, like Ted Allen, for instance. So what’s the deal?

This week we saw some contestants have to deal with tough breaks. In the Quickfire Challenge, it was Jen who had to deal with a tough situation. She was sick. But there are no sick days on Top Chef, so Jen just had to power through it. (I have to admit, if I was a judge, I would not be crazy about a sick person preparing my food. Is it rude to gargle with Purell after you eat?)

A slot machine was rolled out and each chef pulled the lever to reveal three keywords that would be the inspiration for each dish. One of the words that kept popping up was “Umami”, which I had never heard before. Rather than explain it to you, I have simply linked you to the Wiki entry on it. After reading it, I’m still not sure I fully get it. That’s why I eat more than I cook, folks.

Along with term Middle Eastern, Ashley got the words blue and cheesy, but did not use bleu cheese in her dish. I guess that would have been too obvious. Robin also got Middle Eastern as one of her words, and then was practically bitch slapped by Padma, who had to remind her that curry is not a Middle Eastern ingredient. We are all wondering how much longer Robin will last.

Eli gets the word Umami and proceeds to hog all of the mushrooms, but it does not matter. He still ends up on the bottom along with Robin and sick Jennifer. Meanwhile, Mike I, Michael V. and Kevin are the top three. Kevin ends up winning. His words were stressed, hot & spicy and Asian. (With those words, he should have been cooking for Jackie Chan.) Because it’s a high stakes challenge, Kevin get to choose a prize of $15,000 or immunity in the Elimination Challenge. He wisely chooses the money. For a guy who regularly finishes strong, it would have been nuts to pass up that cash.

The Elimination Challenge had the chefs drawing knives and pairing up in order to cook family style meals for the judges, who would provide them with unique bags of ingredients to work with. They also had to use a section of the contestant’s house to prepare their food. Eli snakes a spot next to the stove, similar to the way he hoarded the mushrooms earlier.

Jen is feeling better, as well she should be, because she gets paired up with Kevin. They make a dish with Kobe ribs and some kind of tomato sauce that just plain looks delicious.

Ash and Michael V. set up in the dining room with a variety of electric appliances provided by the good folks at Macy’s. It was pretty clear that Ash has a little crush on Michael, to the point where it eventually made Michael uncomfortable. (And me too.) Meanwhile, there was no love between Mike I. and Robin. He only took breaks from berating Robin in order to blow his own horn. Yet, it was Robin who knew how to work with Asian flavors, not him.

Michael V. and Ash are the victims of unfortunate circumstances in this round. The electric appliances they use cause continual power outages, resulting in the overcooking of their fish. As they battle the fuse box, Ashley and Eli attack some gnocchi and shrimp. Unfortunately, their shrimp ends up undercooked and their gnocchi is too salty.

So when it’s all said and done, the winners are Laurine/Bryan and Jen/Kevin. Jen and Kevin end up winning, with Jen being named the ultimate winner. She walks away with a $10,000 Macy’s gift card. I was happy to hear her say she’d at least buy Kevin a suit or something… since he did have a big part in her victory.

Then the losers were brought to judges table. Ash/Mike V. and Ashley/Eli are matched before the firing squad. Although Mike V. had served overcooked fish, he’s too good to send home this early. Besides, he did all the work while Ash set the table and made google-eyes at him the whole time. Then Ash goes into a monologue about how dreamy Michael V. is and even compares him to Michelangelo. (The painter, not the ninja turtle.) Ash basically says he held the brushes while the artist did his thing. Michael V. had to have gotten a Glenn Close/Fatal Attraction vibe at this point, judging from his uneasy reaction.

I had a feeling Eli or Ash might go, but I was wrong. Ashley is held responsible for the raw shrimp and salty gnocchi and is asked to pack ‘em up and go. I thought she would last longer than a few other people on the show. Robin and Ash in particular, seem to have dodged a bullet.

So now I am caught up on Top Chef, and you are caught up on my blog. I’ll see you next time.

Bon Appetite.

Movies I Always Watch: Deep Blue Seen It

2009-09-26T09:12:00.011-04:00

Have you ever seen Deep Blue Sea? It’s ridiculous, but that doesn’t matter. It’s one of those movies I always seem to watch. It attracts me like blood in the water does a humongous, mutant shark.

When the trailer for Deep Blue Sea debuted, I was excited. As a huge Jaws fan, it looked as if there might finally be a good, new shark movie. God knows none of the Jaws sequels were any good. But Deep Blue Sea had potential; genetically engineered “smart” sharks wreaking havoc on a sinking, aquatic lab.

Okay, it seems absurd when you read that now, but when I first saw the trailer, with those cool, evil looking sharks and various, action packed cuts, I was psyched. As usual, the actual movie did not live up to the trailer.

Deep Blue Sea has some of the most ludicrous and memorable scenes in B-movie history, like LL Cool J hiding in an oven while a shark tries to ram through the door. Naturally, the gas is leaking too, adding even more danger to LL’s situation. Luckily, he keeps his Cool (J) and manages to escape and blow up the shark, thanks to the gas leak and his lighter.

Thomas Jane is the hero of the film, a shark wrangler whose trademark is swimming with the beasts, acrobatically avoiding their bite, grabbing their dorsal fin and riding them like a rodeo horse. I’d love to see this guy on the mechanical bull at Gilly’s Bar sometime.

Perhaps the most memorable scene involves Samuel L. Jackson, who before he was tired of those muther f-ing snakes on that muther f-ing plane, was tired of these muther f-ing sharks. Jackson has just finished giving an inspirational speech about survival, but is standing a little too close to an access pool and is devoured by a giant, animated shark that jumps out and gobbles him up. It is definitely the signature moment of the film.

The three best scenes are probably these:
1. The opening scene, where a shark attacks two partying couples on a boat.
2. When Stellan Skarsgård’s character gets his arm chomped off in the lab. (It’s proof that smoking is bad for your health.)
3. When Michael Rapaport’s character is gulped down by a shark in one fell swoop.
4. When Saffron Burrows’ character strips down to her underwear, uses her wetsuit as insulation and electrocutes one of the sharks in her flooded quarters. No one has ever looked sexier killing a shark.

The icing on the Deep Blue Sea cake is the song at the end of the movie. It’s by LL Cool J and it’s called "Deepest Bluest." The chorus constantly repeats the line, “My head is like a shark’s fin.” It’s hilarious, but I guarantee, you’ll find yourself singing it later that day. I wonder if this movie had been about a killer octopus instead, would LL have sung, “My head is like a tentacle?”

Here’s a link to the music video, which combines the cool footage from the trailer that I mentioned earlier with scenes of LL and some ladies doing some hard core, hip-hop synchronized swimming. It’s kind of like they combined Jaws with the "Mama Said Knock You Out" video and the pool scene from Caddyshack. You really have to see and hear it for yourself.

Deep Blue Sea opened the flood gates for the plethora of cheesy shark movies that are constantly running on the SyFy channel, like Malibu Shark Attack and my personal favorite, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.

Be wary. While real sharks are a natural hazard for surfers, the super sharks in Deep Blue Sea are a danger to channel surfers. If they catch you, they could kill your entire afternoon.

Oh no…
My head is like a shark’s fin.

That stupid song is stuck in my head. See? I told you.
My head is like a shark’s fin.

Top Chef Las Vegas- Ep. 6: Magically Delicious

2009-09-24T10:02:00.006-04:00

I was so psyched for last night’s Top Chef because it featured Penn & Teller. I am a big fan. Their magic/comedy act is always great and their show B*llshit on Showtime is one of my favorites. (Thanks to BS, I find myself skeptical of just about everything these days.) But Penn & Teller would not appear until the second half of the show. First we meet guest judge Chef Michelle Bernstein, who apparently is no relation to that lovable family of bears. (Oh wait, they’re the Berenstain Bears. Never mind.)

This week opened with the chefs mourning the departure of Scarfy. To show solidarity, a number of them even don red scarves. There is also an overwhelming sentiment that Robin should have been eliminated, and many of the other chefs begin to ostracize her. But if you can’t take the heat, get the hell out of the Top Chef Kitchen… brought to you by the Glad family of products.

The theme of the Quickfire Challenge was Angels and Devils. Create a plate that showcases two dishes that exemplify good and evil. I immediately thought that if I was a contestant, I would make Devil Dogs and Angel Food Cake. Then I realized… that’s why I’ll never be a contestant on this show.

- Ash decides to make custard. You just knew he’d have problems with the temperature. Doesn’t he watch this show?
- Eli, Ashley and Jen all make scallops. Is it me or are there an inordinate amount of scallops made on this show?
- Big Papi makes Chilean Sea Bass. Padma complains that her serving had bones in it. Perhaps they were there part of another voodoo ritual. I think he’s gonna need some black magic to last on this show much longer.
- Robin’s theme is sugar, with her story of cancer survival as a backdrop. Eli is pissed that she plays the “C” card to elicit sympathy from the judges.
- Laurine is a miserable mess this week, practically making Stone Cold Jennifer look like The Joker. She’s not happy with the challenges and she hates Robin. (The chef, not Batman’s sidekick.)
- Ash, Bryan and Laurine are the losers. One of Ash’s custards did not set, so he only submits one dish. I don’t want to say I told you so, but…
- Bryan had tried to keep it simple with a play on the colors black and white, but in the end he was just seeing red.
- The top three were Mike V., Eli and the dark horse; Robin. And Robin wins. This makes many of the other chefs want to hang themselves with their red scarves.
- With Robin having immunity, you could practically see the bullseyes on Ash and Ron’s foreheads for the next challenge.

Finally, Penn & Teller enter the kitchen to introduce the Elimination Challenge. They do an amazing ball and cup trick and then deconstruct the same trick with transparent cups. The second time around is even more amazing. The challenge is to deconstruct a dish, which will be determined by drawing knives.

- Toby Young, the Dr. Evil of Top Chef is back at judges table. He’s the Simon Cowell to Gail’s Paula Abdul… Or should I say, Ellen?
- Stone Cold Jen pouts her way through Meat Lasagna. She even avoids Tom Colicchio when he makes his rounds.
- Laurine pouts her way through fish & chips. Robin’s constant chatter does not help matters.
- Big Papi is thrilled to get paella, but it’s clear he has no idea of the concept of deconstruction. He even asks Colicchio for advice… not a good sign.
- For me, I can’t help but think of George Costanza’s mother when I hear the word paella.
- When I was a kid, my mother always talked about how a pressure cooker could possibly explode. This week, I finally saw it happen. The duct tape holding Eli’s damaged pressure cooker just isn’t enough and it goes ka-blooey. Obviously Eli is no MacGuyver.
- Kevin has to make something called Mole Negro. I have no idea what that is, but I am familiar with its religious cousin, Holy Mole.
- Eli makes sweet & sour pork dumplings. The judges refer to them as bull testicles, a dish we learn that Padma has actually consumed.
- Mike I. tries to fake his way through Eggs Florentine. He fools no one.
- Ashley plays the “P” card and once again references her poverty stricken childhood. Perhaps she still can’t afford a comb?
- Ash gets Sheppard’s Pie and fails to deliver the potato element of the dish. That’s two dishes in one episode where he fails to deliver. I can’t believe he survives this round.
- Robin does not waste her immunity and serves up a repulsive clam chowder

The losers?
- Laurine, who only puts two chips on each plate.
- Ash, who substitutes mashed potatoes with an “Exorcist” looking pea puree.
- Ron, who does not deconstruct his dish, and manages to serve food which is both dry and soggy at once. Strike three! Big Papi strikes out and it’s his turn to pack his knives.

The Winners?
- Smile Jen, they loved your lasagna.
- Ashley, your pot roast boasted a wealth of flavors.
- Michael V. – Hail Caesar.
- And the winner is Kevin! Moley, moley, moley. He also gets some non-stick pans as a bonus. Maybe he should give them to Ron as a parting gift.

Okay, time for me to pack my knives and go. I’m off to find a place that serves Mole Negro. I just have to know what that tastes like.

Bon Appetite.

Top Chef Las Vegas, Ep. 5: I’m a Cowboy, on a Steel Pan I Fry

2009-09-17T08:19:00.005-04:00

This week Top Chef opened with the contestants rising and shining from their beds. It was funny seeing Ashley first thing in the morning because she always looks like she just rolled out of bed, and this pretty much confirmed it.

Perhaps even funnier was Scarfy’s pajamas. His light blue tops and bottoms made him look like he was in hospital scrubs. It would have been great if they had opened this episode with the theme music to the show Scrubs, and when they got to the line about “I’m no Superman”, they could show Scarfy running around in his blue PJs, using his red scarf as a cape.

Anywho… each week it seems like the contestants don’t feel a lot of love from the judges. Well that would change this week, literally. The guest judge was Chef Tim Love. I can only wonder how many times this guy has said, “The secret ingredient is Love.”

First we had the high stakes Quickfire challenge, which would once again award the winner $15,000; however no one would get immunity this time around. The ingredient was based on a viewer’s poll in which cactus beat out rattlesnake. Freaking rattlesnake!! How great would that have been?

I could just hear the judges;
“This rattle is overcooked.”
“Mmmm, that venom marinade was really clever and tasty, but suddenly I don’t feel so good.”

So the chefs carefully descend on the table of cacti, trying not to get pricked while they prep. Most of the chefs are unfamiliar with the plant, except Mike I., who shares the secret of de-sliming a cactus; blanching it. (See, I learned something tonight.) The rest of the gang try a variety of things…
- Ashley makes cactus jelly donuts. Perhaps she would have won if she made crullers shaped like cacti, with sprinkles for thorns.
- Kevin made a pork tenderloin that was described as slimy. Should have blanched it, dude.
- Big Papi was leery of cactus because they are poisonous in Haiti. FYI, this guy has lived a harder and more interesting life than any of us. But he still finishes at the bottom.
- Scarfy uses tequila, another surefire ingredient, and ends up as a top finisher.
- Mike V. is one of the losers in this round. Will his temper and ego be his weakness or strength as the field narrows?
- Mike I. is sharp like a cactus, and wins the Quickfire. He needed that.

On to the Elimination Challenge. The gang must cook for cowboys. They head to Whole Foods to shop. It struck me that these people always seem to have such a better time shopping at Whole Foods than I do. Then it dawned on me… it’s because they are not paying.

Some of the chefs start buying pretty eclectic ingredients and I am thinking that they are missing the chuck wagon on this cowboy challenge. (For instance, Big Papi and Scarfy both make ceviche.) The group is then surprised when they are taken out to the desert and left to camp out in teepees. So they are cooking for cowboys, but sleeping like Indians.

Thoughts on the Elimination Challenge:
- Big Papi makes a voodoo barrier to protect his tent from snakes. Like I said, this man is far more interesting than you or me.
- Eli assumes the role of city slicker and whines about having to sleep outdoors.
- Mike V. assumes the role of kitchen slicker and whines about having to cook outdoors.
- While most of the other chefs bitch about the conditions, Laurine embraces it and happily cooks a hearty meal on the open fire. It’s the first time I really take note of her this season.
- I like Jennifer, but she needs to smile once in a while.
- Holy spoiled seafood, Batman. Robin makes a terrible prawn salad.
- Scarfy’s fish makes the judges sick. As a matter of fact, Tom spits it out. Never a good sign. He should loosen that red scarf, because he is choking.
- Robin, Big Papi and Scarfy end up on the bottom. Papi is there because he broke the golden rule; he made a second dish and it killed him.
- What’s with all of the backwards baseball hats? Is this Top Chef or Top Catcher?
- Mike V. (who harnesses his anger), Laurine, Ashley and Bryan end up in the winner’s circle.
- Bryan rustles up a cowboy win. It’s not just the desert heat, this guy is on fire.
- No surprise. Scarfy loses the challenge. We bid you adieu!! Pack your scarf and go.

Okay, it’s time for me to pack my knives and ride off into the sunset. Next week Penn and Teller magically appear as guest stars. I love those guys, so I am psyched.

Bon Appetite.

Top Chef Las Vegas Ep. 4- The French Connection

2009-09-10T06:56:00.006-04:00

Tonight the stakes were high on Top Chef as two chefs were eliminated instead of just one. That’s because they upped the ante on the Quickfire Challenge, giving the winner immunity and a seat at the table during the Elimination Challenge and the loser gets a seat on the next Greyhound bus out of Sin City. The secret ingredient was snails, or perhaps I should say escargot, since there was a French theme running through zee whole episode. Although I must admit I was rather disappointed that neither of my favorite French foods, French Toast nor French Fries, were represented at all tonight.

Naturally this theme gave Scarfy, zee French contestant, a home field advantage. It was a sort of birthday present to him, as it happened to be his 29th birthday. We got to see him celebrate by getting drunk, folding his red scarf into a pair of skintight swim trunks and prancing into zee hot tub.

Thoughts on the Quickfire:
- I have never eaten a snail, and I honestly still have no desire to try them now.
- Could Ashley swear a little more? Watch your French, girl.
- Robin did a take on bagels, lox and cream cheese with snail. I thought that was interesting.
- Jennifer seemed intimidated by the ingredient, but she nailed the snail.
- Mike I. went with a Greek take on snails and it paid off, putting him in the top three and redeeming himself temporarily from his poor showing last week.
- Kevin won again, using something called bacon jam as his secret weapon. Bacon jam… I love this guy. As I mentioned, Kevin got immunity for the next round. His biggest challenge was to actually clean himself up and dress nicely because he got to sit at the table and eat with a group of esteemed judges at the Elimination Challenge.
- Jesse, Ashley and Robin were the bottom three. In order to determine who went home, they had an Amuse-Bouche cook off. One bite to save your life.
- Turns out Jesse bit the dust with her one bite, so she packed her knives and left.
- When dismissing Jesse, Tom Colicchio missed a golden opportunity to say “Please pack your knives and escargot.”

On to the Elimination Challenge, where the gang gets to cook for Joel Robuchon, who is basically zee Michael Jordan of French cooking. Also at the table will be a virtual who’s who of French cooking. I may not have caught all of their names, but I’ll take my best guess as to who was there. I believe it was Marcel Marceau, Inspector Clouseau, LeBeau from Hogan’s Heroes, Pepé Le Pew and Jean-Luc Picard.

The chefs drew knives and paired up based on French sauces and proteins. Once again, Bryan and Mike I. were paired up. I was hoping Ash and Ashley would be a team so that they could say something like “Let’s kick some ash.” But that was not to be.

Thoughts on the Elimination Challenge:
- Big Papi explained that there is distain between Haitians and the French. I wonder if he spit in the food when the cameras were off.
- Big Papi cooked frog legs and all I could think of was The Muppet Movie. Ironically, his partner was Robin, which is also the name of Kermit the Frog’s nephew. (Anyone remember The Frog Prince?)
- Mike V. and Bryan sibling rivalry resurfaced, particularly in Whole Foods, where they rough housed in the isles like a couple of 10 year olds.
- Mike V. was paired with Jennifer, so you knew you had another strong team. I was not surprised to see them as finalists.
- Scarfy did very poorly. Not only did the French guy screw up a French Challenge, but he screwed up using bacon, the “can’t miss” ingredient. In French, they would call that “meessing zee lay-up.”
- Question: When a French guy is sad, does he sing zee bleus?
- Bryan helped Mike I. deconstruct a béarnaise sauce and they ended up in the top two. When it came time to give and take credit, Mike I. wisely did not divulge just how much Bryan had to do with his sauce. He obviously learned his lesson from the last time. To his credit, Bryan did not throw him under the bus either.
- Hector and Ash were a team, which was the biggest case of opposites being teamed up since Paula Abdul and MC Scat Kat.
- By sitting at the table and eating, Kevin got to see things from the judge’s perspective. I bet that helps him going forward.
- Bryan wins again. I am seeing the thoroughbreds pulling away from the pack as we round the bend. Kevin, Mike V., Bryan and Jennifer seem to be the strongest horses in this race.
- Hector had problems with cooking and carving his meat and that cost him big time. He was eliminated. I told you the steaks were high.

Okay, it’s time for me to pack my knives and go too. Next week the chefs are out in the desert. I wonder if they will have to make dessert.

Bon Appetite.

Top Chef Las Vegas Ep. 3: Cooking Ain’t Preeti

2009-09-03T00:24:00.013-04:00

Tonight I had to pinch myself to be sure I was not dreaming. For the Quickfire Challenge, the chefs were presented with a pile of every kind of potato imaginable… except maybe for Mr. Potato Head. As an openly admitted potato junkie, I could not wait to see what they would come up with for the Potato Challenge. (Or the Potatoe Challenge, as Dan Quayle might say.)

The guest judge was former Top Chef Master contestant, Mark Peel. I thought it was great that they had a guy named “Peel” as a judge for the potato challenge. It got me thinking of other potential celebrity judges; Laura Flynn Boyle, Jerry Rice, Dane Cook, Carrot Top, Irving Fryar, Mike Judge, Julie Strain, Meatloaf, Peter Pan and John Oates to name a few. But never Edward Burns… or Andy Dick.

Thoughts on the Quickfire:
- The chefs frantically attacked the spuds, because potatoes can be a time consuming food to cook. At one point, Kevin offers Preeti his blanching water, but somehow she ends up using Ashley’s instead. This does not go over well with Ashley and she is preeti upset. Luckily for Ashley, things boiled over and she ended up in the top three.
- Meanwhile, Michael I. (Mr. Know-It-All) decides to cook a potato risotto and informs us that risotto is in fact a cooking style, and not a rice. While I did not know that, the smug way he said it made me want to dunk his head in Ashley’s stolen, boiling blanching water. He’s preeti cocky.
- During the judging, I felt bad for Eli, who used shelled pistachios and still managed to serve Padma a shell. That’s nuts.
- Good old Jesse was up to her old tricks; making a good dish and then screwing it up. This time she added too much cayenne to her potato soup. Having done that myself, I was hoping it would come back and burn her.
- Big Papi made some kind of fish and rambled on about Bob Marley. Something tells me that guy's got some good herb in his spice rack.
- Ash made sweet potato ice cream. I winced when I heard him decide he was making a frozen dish. That always seems to be a dangerous move on these shows. So many times the dishes just don’t get cold enough. But give him props, they loved his custard. That’s cool.
- I realized tonight that Ash’s name is Ash Fulk. I was wondering if he is any relation to Gaylord Faulker.

Eli, Ron and Jesse ended up on the bottom and Jennifer won the Quickfire, giving her immunity.

Then a guy walked in and for a minute I thought it was Dr. Bellows from I Dream of Jeannie. But it was not. It was an Air Force colonel who informed the group that the Elimination Challenge would be cooking for 300 troops and their families at a nearby air base.

The group broke into teams and Jennifer assumed the role of Executive Chef. By the way, Jennifer kicked ass in this role. In A Bronx Tale, the mob boss Sonny is asked if he would rather be feared or loved. It’s clear that Jennifer would rather be feared. I love that.

- Once again, Kevin impresses me. He takes that unassuming, fat guy persona and couples it with real cooking expertise. He and Eli team up and make a southern pork dish that I was drooling at. Mike and Mike made a pork belly dish with mustard and peanuts that will also haunt my dreams tonight. And that chili looked good too.
- Poor Big Papi and Jesse were the last two picked when they made the teams. It was like a sad scene from elementary school when they pick teams on the playground.
- Big Papi and Jesse made a chowdah (that’s how it’s pronounced) which Tom Colicchio was pretty heartless and condescending about it. However, the crowd loved it.
- Mike I. decided to make a second dish. Wasn’t he paying attention when Ashley tried that? It’s never a good move. It’s a move that eventually landed him in the bottom three, by way of the winners circle. Once he admitted he had nothing to do with the pork belly and everything to do with the under cooked shrimp, he was all done. (Unlike his shrimp.) Tom Colicchio was right, he did treat it as a throw away dish. As I said before, Mike I. is preeti cocky.
- Michael V. wins the challenge, kind of like Eli Manning following up Peyton’s Super Bowl win with his own. Remember? Brian V. was last week’s winner.
- Laurine was also in the bottom group. Who the heck is she? I honestly had no recollection of her from the first two episodes.
- It sure was ugly for Preeti. It was a bit sad that the girl who told us that 9/11 was the event that motivated her to become a chef is voted off while cooking for the very people and cause that inspired her.
- I give Laurine and Preeti a lot of props for not throwing each other under the bus. I know it’s a competition, but they cooked as a team and they went down as a team. Could you imagine Marcel or Hung in that situation?

Well, it’s time for me to pack my knives and go. I’m off to bed, with visions of pork bellies dancing in my head.
Bon Appetite.

Top Chef Las Vegas: Episode 2 - Oh Brother

2009-08-27T08:27:00.007-04:00

Often times a contestant will say “Oh crap” when it comes to the Quickfire Challenge on Top Chef, this week they all said it because a craps table was wheeled out into the kitchen. Each chef rolled ‘dem bones and whatever number came up determined how many ingredients they had to use on their dish. It seemed like most were hoping for something not too high and not too low, like a number in the neighborhood of eight.

We started to learn a lot about the group from this second episode and this challenge.
- The brothers, Brian and Michael, have an interesting relationship. Michael has sort of a Jan Brady “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia” thing going about his older brother. During the Quickfire, Brian was quick to point out the Michael was possibly over complicating things with his liquid nitrogen antics, but lo and behold, it was little brother who won the challenge and the $15,000. Meanwhile, big brother was in the bottom four. So how does that taste, Marcia?
- Eve is ditz and if she was a character on Star Trek, she’d be wearing a red shirt. You had the feeling she’d be gone before long. It was no surprise that she was at the back of the pack again.
- Jesse seems to have real talent, but can’t seem to put it together yet. If she lasts a few more episodes, she might just become a factor, but she’s got to get her game on.
- Not exactly the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition for lady chefs this year. Jennifer, looks-wise, is probably going to be my Top Chef crush, but she does not have the personality to quite seal the deal yet. (Unlike like my girl Casey, who had all the right ingredients.) Thank goodness for Padma. (Love those boots.)

Then came the Elimination Challenge, which was to cater a bachelor and bachelorette party. They split into two groups, the boys and the girls. It was here that the other shoe dropped that I had been waiting for. There has always been a gay-factor on Top Chef, never more apparent than last year when they had a group called Team Rainbow. The gay-factor at times was so pronounced that I sometimes referred to the show as “Queer Eye for the Top Chef”. But that’s also part of the fun. Some of the most entertaining moments last year were when the gay men were eliminated and they sobbed their way through their exit interviews. (To be fair, some of the straight guys weeped as well.)

So we learned that a couple of the lady chefs are gay, and Ashley, the crunchy girl, started have issues with the concept of weddings and stag parties. Meanwhile, the men were thrilled to be cooking for the bachelorette party, especially when it took place poolside and all the guests were in swimsuits.

Here are some thoughts about the Elimination Challenge.
- Hector is a man’s man, and could easily have been a character in No Country for Old Men or From Dusk ‘Til Dawn.
- Cooking an octopus looks creepy. When that octopus went into the pan, it looked like a scene out of The Addams Family. (But it’s yummy.)
- Ron, the big lovable Haitian, will now be known on this blog as Big Papi. He’s the Ruben Stoddard of this season.
- A chicken wing is always a safe bet.
- I give Ashley props for trying two dishes, but she really dropped the ball with that second one. Jennifer warned her. I have a feeling Jennifer is going to rub a lot of people the wrong way, but she seems to know what she’s talking about most of the time.
- That new Sandra Bullock movie looks like crap. (And I don’t mean the game.)
- I don’t know what to make of Eli, the guy with the glasses, but he reminds me of one of the guys on Big Bang Theory.
- Kevin kicks ass.
- Why do they force the chefs to sit in the supply closet while the judges deliberate? Is it so you can see the Glad family of products in the background?
- The men won. Then all the fat guys jumped in the pool while the thin guys condescendingly watched from the sidelines.
- I’d like to see where that bachelor party went after the show was over. They are in Vegas, after all.
- The new Jenifer Aniston movie looks like crap. (And I don’t mean the game.)
- Eve and Jesse brought up the rear again, along with Ashley and Preetty… or whatever her name is. It was no surprise when Eve was asked to pack up and go. It was a mercy elimination. She did not jump in the pool, but she was clearly in over her head.
- Marcia strikes back. Brother Brian comes back strong and wins the Elimination Challenge. Sure, it’s a more prestigious award, but I think Michael might have been the bigger winner, with that $15,000 Quickfire.

Okay, that’s enough for this week. I gotta pack my knives and go now.
Bon Appetit.

Top Chef Las Vegas: Ep 1 - Viva Las Vegas

2009-08-26T21:03:00.007-04:00

Top Chef is back and this time around we’re in Las Vegas. They wasted no time giving the show that Sin City flair when a line of showgirls pranced into the kitchen. It’s clear we are going to be in for a lot of surprises in Vegas just from this first episode. I mean, a contestant won $15,000 on this episode and another won immunity by simple drawing a gold chip. Anything can happen this year.

I love Top Chef. I really enjoyed Top Chef Masters, but it lacked the drama and venom that Top Chef always delivers. This is my first season of watching Top Chef both in HD and with the benefit of DVR. The first thing I noticed was that Padma looks great in HD. However, thanks to DVR, my posts may not always be timely. Like this one, I finally watched the first episode almost a week late.

I have not learned all of the characters yet, but here are a few quick observations.

- Did Padma have a cold? Her voice was a bit husky.
- What’s with the red scarf on the French guy? Was that his branding strategy so that he would stand out from the crowd, or is he just paranoid that we won’t remember he’s French? I have cleverly nicknamed this guy Scarfy.
- I have not figured out who I like and who I don’t yet. I have not picked my Top Chef crush yet either… although the blonde who’s vice was drinking too much and then doing something stupid is a strong candidate.
- Did the girl who won the Quickfire realize that kissing Tom Colicchio is inappropriate? Of course, if I won a Quickfire, I’d sure try to kiss Padma.
- I did not like the chick with the tattoo on her neck, and I was happy to see her pack her knives and go.
- There’s a lot of tattoos and piercings on display this year. Free spirits or damaged goods?
- I did like the bearded guy who won. He seems talented and like he might be a pretty cool dude. But it’s early.
- I kind of want to try deep fried steak, even though it’s a waste of good meat.
- I am not sure what I think of the brothers yet? Is that one guy obnoxious or is he one of my favorites? I can’t wait until they have to face off in an Elimination Challenge.
- Wolfgang Puck was an awesome judge… he whaled on some of those dished, and if I remember correctly, he threw a donut across the dining room.

Well, I gotta pack my knives and go now. The next episode is on tonight. I’ll try to get another blog up as soon as I can.

Bon Appetit.

(If you want to be on the update mailing list, send me an email to jack@backinjack.com)

Social Media Is Everywhere, But How Does It Affect Market Research?

2009-06-24T14:40:00.010-04:00

Here's a quick recap I wrote on a recent social media event we hosted in New York.

On Friday, June 19, 2009, several experts on social media gathered at Advanced Focus in New York City for a panel discussion on social media and what it means for market research. In order to get a broad perspective of the subject, the panel was made up of people from a wide variety of industries including market research, technology, CRM and PR.

The panel members included:
Mike Rogers, Chief Brain - Brainloaf
Mike Carlon, Moderator - MarketVision Research
Tom H. C. Anderson- Founder & Managing Partner- Anderson Analytics
Susan Roth, Vice President, Online Qualitative – TNS
Leslie Campisi, Vice President & Partner - Affect Strategies
Rob Petersen, President - BarnRaisers Group

The event was sponsored by Brainloaf, an interactive/social media company based in Stamford, CT and Jack Campisi, VP of Client Solutions, hosted the two sessions.

While opinions varied on many topics, there were a number of interesting lessons gleaned from the day. As Tom Anderson would say afterwards in his blog; “…regardless of what social media means to me, to consumers social media can mean very different things to different people. These meanings/definitions/strategies can also change rather quickly for some individuals."

Mike Carlon summed up the day nicely for both the qual and quant sides of the fence...

“On the qualitative side, social media provides a new set of tools for gathering consumer insights. As consumers become familiar with blogs, social video sharing, and video based chats, moderators can use these tools to engage consumers using methods that seem "natural" to them. We agree that there will always be a need to conduct in person qualitative interviews but are excited about adding new tools to our tool box. On the quantitative side, the vast amount of "conversations" that consumer's have about brands and/or trends open up opportunities for insight mining using text mining. Large numbers of conversations can be mined for insight and trended over time. This seems like a natural fit for those tracking the impact of PR as well as buzz around new product launches.”

Coming from the technology angle, Mike Rogers helped explain the wide variety of tools available from the social media toolbox. But he was quick to add that before you choose your tactic, you must have a sound business plan and social media strategy. Otherwise you risk wasting a lot of time, effort and money.

So what was the final conclusion?
C'mon. This is social media. There are no FINAL conclusions. It's a constantly growing and evolving thing.

I guess it's safe to say that while there is a lot of common ground between social media marketing and social media for market research, there are also many significant differences. Social media for market research presents a unique set of challenges but also offers a very exciting new facet of communication and method of insight-gathering to the field.

To request a link to the video of the event, please visit http://www.brainloaf.com/.

24- Season 7: 6 and 7 am – 24 Hours You’ll Never Get Back

2009-05-19T07:46:00.003-04:00

6 am & 7am

You know, when I sit down to write these recaps I am always concerned about being funny, but after what happened tonight, I don’t feel any pressure. Nothing I write will be as funny as Kim Bauer flailing around with her arm on fire. Kim got her “Bauer On” tonight, and she wasn’t the only one. Both Kim and Agent Lohan sprung into action tonight, making me wonder if we might get a spin-off next year called Jackie’s Angels, with scantily clad Kim, Renee and Chloe taking orders from a now incapacitated Jack via a speaker phone. But who will be Bosley? Tony? Nah, he’s too dark. Aaron? Nah, he’s too quiet. I know… Janice.

Let’s get to tonight’s season finale. It’s 6 am and Jack has been forced to bust out Tony or the goons at the airport will kill Kim. Jack pulls a gun on Agent Lohan and even puts a slug in the other guard’s leg to show he means business. I’d love to know how many legs Jack Bauer has shot or stabbed in seven seasons. That’s Jack’s favorite method of administering a non-lethal wound. Jack lets Renee know that he is only doing this to protect his daughter right before Tony takes him hostage. When Tony did a similar thing in order to save Michelle a couple of seasons ago, Jack chastised him for putting his personal interests ahead of the mission. Mr. Bauer is now officially a hypocrite.

It turns out that Tony wants to use Jack’s infected body to reconstitute the virus. His gal pal Cara thinks that is a great idea, and even agrees with Tony when he suggests that he should get a promotion within the mysterious organization. Wait a minute… something is up with Tony. Is he really good, pretending to be bad? Or is he bad, pretending to be good after pretending to be bad? Maybe he a double, double, double agent, or a triple, reverse single agent, with a twist? I’m getting dizzy.

As the sun comes upon DC, Jack momentarily gets away and tries to kill himself in a pool of gasoline. That way the virus will be destroyed in the fire, but Tony stops him before he can light up. It seems the only person Jack Bauer has trouble killing is himself. (And that goes double for forgiving… more on that later.) They take Jack back to an operating area where a few doctors drain some of his spinal fluid to see if he can be used to make more pathogen. Meanwhile, Cara convinces Alan Wilson to meet with Tony and consider him for a bigger role.

Meanwhile, Ethan, the disposed Chief of Staff, returns to the White House to help Big Red retrieve the secret recording that will implicate Olivia in the murder of Hodges. Olivia gets out of her questioning session just in time to catch Ethan in her office and has him put into custody once she discovers the recording device hidden behind the picture on the wall. She has him detained and gets the disc from him. But Ethan was ready for her, and actually slips her a blank disc. Once he listens to the recording, he goes back and confronts Olivia. He tells her that she has to confess to her mother and then Madam President can decide what to do.

At the same time, Kim Bauer is still at the airport with the evil couple. Agent Lohan contacts Kim by phone at the gate and warns her. A shootout breaks out, and we never learn how the two bad guys manage to smuggle knives and guns into the terminal… especially on a day when we are told security would have been heighten because of the prior terrorist attacks. The woman is killed, but the guy slips away. It’s here that Kim’s “Bauer Genes” kick into gear and she ends up chasing the long-haired bad guy through the baggage areas and into the garage. Kim even yells “Dammit!” at one point, leaving no doubt as to whose daughter she is. When the bad guy’s car is shot at, it flips and catches fire. Kim knows they need that laptop to find her father, so she charges in and wrestles it away from the trapped bad guy. She emerges with the laptop and her sleeve on fire. As if she wasn’t the hottest chick on the show already, they have to go and light her on fire.

Alan Wilson is convinced to meet Tony face-to-face on order to see the medical report on Jack. He needs to determine Jack’s usefulness for replicating the pathogen. (I guess his email is down so they can’t just send him the file.) But in a moment alone, Jack learns Tony’s real motive. Everything he’s been doing has been to get himself close enough to Wlison so he can kill him. You see, Wilson was behind almost everything that has happened on 24… ever. He’s behind David Palmer’s assassination, he’s responsible for Charles Logan’s exploits and most of all, he is responsible for Michelle’s death. So Tony’s plan is to strap a bomb to Jack and blow Wilson straight to hell when he arrives.

You see Tony is a lot like Two-Face from The Dark Knight, except instead of getting his face burnt, he was killed and then brought back to life. He is a fallen hero so hell bent on revenge and justice that he will do whatever he has to, even if that means people will die.

Wilson shows up, but before Tony can detonate Jack’s C4 sweater vest, Agent Lohan swoops in on a chopper. Another fire fight ensues and now it’s Renee who starts channeling her inner Bauer. She hops on the side of a SUV and shoots her way to Jack. If they ever get married, their first song should be “I’ll Tumble 4 Ya”, because that’s just what she does. She leaps off the moving truck and tumbles right into Jack’s lap. Then she disarms his deadly sweater vest. My god, this girl is a catch. I bet she likes watching sports too. (By the way, just I spotted Annie Wersching, the actress who plays her, on an episode of Supernatural.)

Cara and Wilson manage to sneak off, like most bad guys do on this show. They see Tony and Cara calls him over. She embraces Tony but he shoots her, to her dismay. Once again, Tony steals a page out of Sean’s playbook from earlier this season. Sean also shot and killed his girlfriend, just before he shot himself in the side. Tony smacks Wilson around and then reveals that not only did he kill the love of Tony’s life, but she was pregnant with his son. Tony raises his gun but Renee and Jack show up and clip him with a gunshot. (I believe in the leg.) Tony reaches for his gun and gets shot in the hand. Tony and Wilson are taken into custody. It’s finally over.

No wait, not quite. We go back to the White House. At this point I had forgotten all about this plotline. The President’s husband seems to be in pretty good shape for a guy who was in critical condition a few hours ago. I wonder if he has that Wolverine mutant healing power. Olivia tells her mother and father about her shenanigans. Her father wants to cover Hodge’s murder up, but Madam President eventually decides to do the right thing and turns her daughter in.

We know the day is coming to a close when Chloe and Janice make peace. I think I will miss their battles the most in this off season.

Back at the FBI, Jack Bauer prepares to die, even without Indigo Montoya telling him to do so. Jack and Agent Lohan have a couple of close encounters, but Jack fails to use his last hours in the way that most guys would. No, instead of making sweet, sweet love to Renee, Jack meets with his new buddy, the Muslim Cleric and has a nice discussion about forgiving himself. (Because Jack Bauer doesn’t ask God for forgiveness, he forgives God, dammit.) Then he is sent into a coma to ease his passing. At last, the final curtain is about to fall on the life of Jack Bauer.

Meanwhile, Agent Walker goes to see Wilson before he is transferred. Walker is afraid the Wilson won’t talk and they may not get another shot at him once he gets his lawyers involved. So Agent Lohan takes matters into her own hands. The last time we see her, she incapacitates Janice and heads into Wilson’s holding cell with a look on her face that would make Tony Almeida proud. Jack may be infected with the pathogen, but Renee seems to have caught the torture bug.
But we’ll have to wait until next season to see what happens.

We end the season with Kim showing up at her father’s bedside. She insists that they attempt the controversial stem cell treatment. She knows the risks, but she’s willing to take it. If Jack dies there is no season eight and Elisha Cuthbert needs the work. Let’s face it; she hasn’t done much since Old School and The Girl Next Door.

So that’s it. Season seven is in the books.

I don’t know… once Starkwood was taken down and Tony went bad, this season got pretty darn silly, even by 24 standards. I’m still digesting it all, but I can’t say I am totally satisfied with that ending, But who am I kidding, by the time season eight rolls around, I will be as giddy as a little school girl. What did you think? Feel free to chime-in down in the comments section.

I hope you enjoyed reading my recaps. Now I have to think of other things to write about. Keep checking in between now and next season of 24 and please see the entry below for a little more on what’s going to be going on here at Back in Jack in the meantime.

Thanks.

Jack

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

Ask Jack

2009-05-18T22:25:00.001-04:00

If you have been a regular reader of my 24 blog, thanks a lot. Now that the season has concluded, I’ll continue to update the blog with my usual movie reviews, random thoughts and pop culture commentaries. But I need other things to write about, and I would love some ideas from you. So here’s what I propose… a new segment called “Ask Jack”.

Send me your questions, topics or subjects that you’d like to see me address. Want to know what I think of another TV show? Have a relationship question? Have a question about current events? Want to know the meaning of life? Go ahead and ask me and I’ll pick a few and address them from week to week. Use your imagination. Just keep in mind that the answers I give won’t necessarily be the right ones. More likely they’ll just be the first thing that I think of. We’re just trying to have some fun here.

(And I reserve the right to pick and choose what questions and suggestions I use. Tough darts… it’s my blog.)

So send your thoughts, suggestions, questions and ideas to jack@backinjack.com and I’ll do my best to entertain you with my responses.

In the meantime, check back soon for my review of the new Star Trek movie and I may even chime in with a few thoughts about this season of American Idol.

Thanks.

24- Season 7: 5 am – Cat Fight Club

2009-05-11T23:39:00.014-04:00

We are fast approaching the end of the day, and Fox is promising that the conclusion of this season of 24 will hit us harder than a head butt from Keifer Sutherland. Based on last week’s previews, we were looking forward to a big confrontation between Jack and Tony. While the two friends-turned-foes did come face to face, the real showdown tonight was between Janice and Chloe. And, meow, did the claws come out.

We pick up with Tony preparing Jabron for his subway ride. Tony continues to remind him that if he does not cooperate then his brother will get it. Tony outfits him with an ear piece that gets such good reception that it even works in the subway. Not once does Jabron have to say “can you hear me now.” Meanwhile, I have to go into my kitchen to check my phone because I don’t get bars in my living room. I need to get on Tony’s team so I can get on that phone plan. I bet they even have unlimited texting. They sure seem to have unlimited resources, because when Jabron gets to the subway and attempts to tell the cops what’s going on, he finds out that even the transit cops work for Evil Almeida.

Back at Jabron’s apartment, the guard continues to suffer from the neck wound that Jabron’s brother gave him. Jack is not one to let a gift like this go to waste. He refuses the bad guy morphine until he tells him all he knows about Tony’s plan. Then he allows just enough morphine to get the pain out of the goon's voice, so he can call Tony without raising suspicion. They put Chloe on the case to trace Tony’s location, which naturally raises Janice’s hackles. The pissing match begins as the two ladies attempt to one up each other. This is on the level of a Tyson/Holyfield battle, except with biting remarks instead of the actual biting of ears.

Chloe wins round one when she is able to pinpoint Tony’s location, but Janice rallies back when she is able to retrieve the target information from Tony’s damaged PDA. Finally, Chloe delivers the knockout blow when Janice demands a “thank you” and Chloe refuses to give any sort of validation. The winner and still champion, Chloe O’Brien. (And let’s face it, no one likes Janice.)

Jack and Agent Lohan ram into Tony’s van and take him into custody. Jack punches Tony a few times in the face, but Tony doesn’t seem to mind. Jack uses Tony’s cool ear phone to speak with Jabron, who is being sized up by a suspicious white guy on the train. (Thank you for the racial profiling lesson, 24.) Jabron eventually finds the bowling ball bag that Tony’s girlfriend hid under the seats and rushes it out of the station and into the eagerly awaiting hands of Jack Bauer. He might as well be the one to take the bag, since he’s already infected. Jack hightails it into a Hazmat truck and gets the canister into a safe container before it blows. The last time Jack did something like this he had to cut off his partner Chase’s hand, when he was dealing with that virus a few seasons ago. So this must have seemed like a walk in the park to old Jackie Boy.

Meanwhile, Kim Bauer is at the airport, where her flight has been delayed for a little while. Not bad considering the entire airline industry was paralyzed by Dubaku’s mid-air collision early that day. You’d think things would still be a little more chaotic. Meanwhile around here, if it’s a little foggy they close down La Guardia, JFK and White Plains for a week. Kim notices a guy who is seemingly stalking her so she joins a friendly couple in the terminal in order to feel safe. Unfortunately, the stalker was really an agent keeping an eye on Kim for Jack and the nice couple is actually in league with Tony and his group. The agent ends up getting choked in a bathroom stall by the bad guy, kind of like that scene in like in Austin Powers. I kept hoping for the bad guy to ask “Who does Number Two work for?”

Back at the White House, Big Red scolds Sherry Palmer Jr. (Olivia) for leaving the White House premises, but she turns on that old charm and seemingly wins him back over. It turns out that Olivia’s assassin actually did kill Hodges, because Fabulous Martin vouched for her. So now she has to pay the assassin and cover up the whole thing.

But you can’t fool our boy Aaron that easily. Big Red smells a rat, so he calls the recently deposed Chief of Staff so that they can get a hold of the office recordings that he suspects will implicate Olivia. We even get a Mike Novick reference during his phone call. Woo hoo!! On a side note, if you happen to catch the movie Star Trek: Generations, look for a certain, strapping red headed helmsman on the deck of the Enterprise at the beginning of the film. Think about it, Aaron has shared a screen with Captain Kirk and Jack Bauer. That’s pretty bad-ass, if you ask me.

Back at the subway station, all is well. Jabron is reunited with his brother and it feels so good and Jack is comforted by Agent Lohan, who hugs him and tells him he can finally rest. You have to excuse Renee Walker, this is her first day on 24. She doesn’t yet fully realize that you can never rest on 24. When you rest, bad things happen, like getting kidnapped by the Chinese… or getting a video call that tells you that if you don’t free Tony, your daughter will die. And the latter happens to Jack tonight.

Next week, it’s the season finale and Kim’s in danger again, although there is not a bear trap nor a mountain lion for miles.

Will Tony escape? Will Olivia bring down her mother’s administration? Will Jack live? Will Keifer Sutherland stay out of jail long enough to film another season?

Expect some of the answers and probably a few more questions before it’s all over.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

24- Season 7: 4 am – Robert Tippet, We Hardly Knew Ya.

2009-05-04T23:41:00.010-04:00

4 am

It’s four o’clock in the morning and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for Evil Almeida and that chick in the blouse.

The Islamic flags were hung with by the computer with care, in hopes that Jabron in a web cam would stare.

The people of DC were nestled all snug in their beds, except for Jack Bauer and the rest of the Feds.

Janice and Chloe, Lohan and Jack, had another crisis in a day full of crap.

The CTU server revealed no terrorist chatter, but Jack knew still that something was the matter.

Away to the window Tony flew like a flash, and made Jabron lie to the cops or his brother’s throat they would slash.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, Olivia dealing with a deadly queer.

Chloe works so hard, so lively and quick, but she knew in a moment that Jack must be sick.

Jonas Hodges is in custody, with pics of his dames, now Robert Tippet is his new name.

Agent Lohan's so fit, but her neck needed fixin', she looks like a dancer, but she's really a vixen.

Okay, that’s enough poetry. If I keep this up I will be up all night. Tonight on 24 Tony and his crew proceed to frame up Jabron, a Muslim fellow who cooperates in order to protect his brother. They make him film a terrorist message while they falsify his computer so it looks like he will be responsible for the pending attack.

Meanwhile, Jack figures out that Tony must be dealing with someone in the Muslim community, so he and Agent Lohan do some googling and that leads them to another Muslim dude who knows Jabron. This guy can’t imagine that Jabron is guilty, and Jack’s reputation has proceeded him, so he is not willing to help them. This is unacceptable to Jack, who ends up cuffing the guy and taking him along once Janice and Chloe locate Jabron’s real address. On the way over, Chloe tells Jack that it appears that Jabron is being framed and Jack uncuffs the other guy. The Muslim guy urges Jack to forgive himself, but Jack doesn’t have time for that. He has to stop Tony before he dies from the pathogen.

Olivia meets up with the Fabulous Martin, who ensures that he can arrange the hit on Hodges, but advises Olivia to walk away. Olivia gets the call from the assassin, who tells her to deposit money in his account and then he will do the deed. But Olivia has a change of heart and never makes the transaction. Instead, she is reunited with her father who is remarkably chipper for a man who was beat up, paralyzed and shot earlier in the day. (Didn’t they cut his finger off too? I can’t remember.)

Speaking of fast healers, Hodges seems to have recovered from his heart attack pretty well. He’s already being prepared to be moved into witness protection. He learns his new name will be Robert Tippet. His guard forces him to hand over his wallet and all other traces of his past life, but Hodges secretly keeps a picture of his wife and daughter. It appears like we may not have seen the last of Jonas Hodges. Perhaps he will be back next season for his revenge.

Or not. Hodges is blown to Kingdom Come by a car bomb. And the news of his death hits Olivia like a bomb as well. She’s in deep doo doo. In a panic, she calls Fabulous Martin, who this time is not in bed with anyone. He insists they speak in person instead of on an unsecure phone line.

Tony and his crew leave Jabron’s house, leaving a guard with his distraught brother. Jack and his team burst through the door and stun the guard with a flash grenade. The guard goes down, and the little brother smashes a mirror. This turns out to be more unlucky for the guard than the brother because he stabs the guard in the neck with a shard. Jack stops him before he can kill the bad guy, but now they are worried that their only lead may not live long enough to give up the details of the next attack.

Next week, Tony heads for the Subway, but he’s not looking for a five dollar foot long sandwich. He’s looking to do some damage. However, he may end up getting a taste of Jack’s gun instead.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

24- Season 7: 3 am – Visting Hours Are Over

2009-04-28T00:20:00.009-04:00

3 am

Not much happened tonight on 24, and yet there seems to be a lot to write about.

Tonight we meet the mysterious group that Tony is working for. Alan Wilson is the only one of the players that we actually get to know at all. He’s the guy that’s been calling the shots with Cara Bowden, the woman who slipped Hodges the suicide pill. We learn that this group is made up of a people from different independent military companies like Starkwood, who want to shock the country into shape, opening the door for them to seize more power. Or something like that.
Bottom line is that they are powerful, ruthless and computer savvy.

Alan Wilson is played by Will Patton, who is one of those guys that you will recognize from a million movies. He’s been in a ton of stuff like Armageddon and Copy Cat. You might remember him in the movie Silkwood, which is ironic since that movie also dealt with a person who was contaminated by a deadly substance. He was also in The Postman, with Kevin Costner, which is a movie that is so bad that you will be begging for a deadly pathogen to put you out of your misery by the end of it.

Anyway, the deadly substance in the canister has been successfully smuggled out of Starkwood by Galvez, with help from Evil Almeida. Tony leaves the helpless Jack on the ground and then shoots his way outside the FBI’s perimeter. He meets up with Galvez, who demands to be paid for the canister. After Tony pays him, Galvez turns on Tony but he’s no match for Evil Almeida. Even with a self-inflicted bullet wound, Tony still manages to wrestle and kill Galvez with a shower curtain. But Tony misses a great one-liner opportunity in the bathroom. I would have said, “It's curtains for you, Galvez.”

It occurred to me that Tony has become the evil version of Jack Bauer, kind of like Venom to Spiderman or even Jeannie's brown haired, evil twin sister on I Dream of Jeannie.

Cara Bowden, Hodges fake lawyer, shows up at Tony’s room to take the canister back to the group. But Evil Almeida proposes that they strike today with the canister instead of taking the pathogen back for reproduction and an attack at a later date. Cara has Wilson run the idea by the group in their funky, evil chat room; “Can’t-See-Your-FaceBook”. They vote in favor of Tony’s plan, so in a way, Tony has taken control of the mysterious group.

Meanwhile, Jack has pretty much taken control of the U.S. Government. First Stuttering Jack tells Agent Lohan about Tony. Then he gets his shots to overcome his weakness… kind of like Roger Clemens, except Jack Bauer didn’t lie to Congress. (Allegedly. Wink.) After he’s back on his feet he convinces Madam President to fire up the old CTU servers so they can track some recent terrorist activity. You know what that means… Chloe is finally called back into duty. We find her asleep in a hotel room with her son Prescott and Morris. So much has happened in the past few episodes that when Jack tells Chloe about Bill Buchanan’s death, it strikes a chord with us because we had almost forgotten about it in all the commotion.

Jack also pays a visit to Hodges, who is being held in secret at the FBI. Like Tony and his gunshot wound, Jack and Hodges both seem to be doing fine despite their recent lethal infection and heart attack. Jack realizes that the only way to get Hodges to talk is for them to fake his death and offer him witness protection so his family will be safe. Jack finally gets Hodges to spill the beans and they learn about the mysterious group and their plans, even though we don’t get any names. Jack deduces that they must be planning to attack today, because he and Tony think alike.

So Chloe ends up back at FBI headquarters, where she once again gets to face off against Janice Garafalo, who is not happy about the possible illegal methods they are resorting to in order to address this new threat. That is until Jack deals with her, not with torture, but with a can of verbal whoop ass. Unfortunately, Jack cites President David Palmer instead of Madam President, which tips off Chloe that all is not well with Jack.

Meanwhile, First Daughter Olivia is not happy with the deal that they give Hodges, since he was the person responsible for her brother’s death. So first she half-kiddingly asks “Big Red” to kill Hodges, but naturally, Aaron wouldn’t do that. So then she calls some dude named Martin, who happens to be in bed with some other dude. Martin seems to be some kind of gay assassin. Not a person who kills homosexuals, but a homosexual who kills people. Regardless, Olivia thinks he is fabulous and arranges to meet with him in 15 minutes… or just after the first commercial break next week.

Meanwhile, Evil Almeida and his team move in on an Arab fellow who will be used as the fall guy in the next big attack. By framing the foreigner, the mysterious group will rise to power by appearing to be the heroes. It’s similar to Syndrome’s plan in The Incredibles, if you think about it.

So next week we head into the home stretch of this season of 24. Only four more hours left. Can you believe it?

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

24- Season 7: 2 am – Who’s The Boss?

2009-04-20T23:52:00.002-04:00

2 am

This week picks up with Hodges’ hot blonde lawyer getting ready to head out to see her client. Her hair is pulled back and she puts on her glasses. But there is a knock at the door and when she opens it up she is sprayed in the face with some knockout gas. (It serves her right for just opening the door at 2 am.) A mysterious man and woman overpower her and the woman proceeds to adopt her persona, right down to sexy glasses and a false thumb print. She may look like a bookworm, but we know underneath it all there’s a naughty, “She’s My Cherry Pie” girl waiting to get out.

I wonder… would a false thumb print would work if you tried to impersonate The Fonz?
I doubt it. That’s one thumb you can’t fake.

Meanwhile, Tony plots his next move while Boss Moss just lies there… deader than a door nail. Galvez, the Starkwood operative that stole the canister, is on the run. Tony shoots himself in the side to conceal the fact that he is helping the suspect. Yeah, that old gag. Doesn’t he realize that Sean, the FBI mole from this morning, tried the same thing after he shot his girlfriend back at headquarters?

When the cops show up, they attend to Tony while Galvez finds a place to hide in the neighborhood. But he can’t go far because the FBI has cordoned off the area. So Tony spends a good amount of time funneling back information to help Galvez avoid being caught. They decide to pick a building in the last section of the search grid, lure all the FBI agents inside and then blow up the building. Kind of like a big, flaming Roach Motel, they can check in but they won’t check out.

Meanwhile, Kim Bauer plans on heading back to LA. Kim and Agent Lohan have a few words but I honestly got caught up in the fact that the hot 24 blonde was talking to the hot 24 redhead and I didn’t really catch what they were saying. Later on, Kim calls some dude who turns out to be her husband. We find out that Kim is married and has a daughter named Teri. (You long time 24 fans smiled when you heard that name, didn’t you?) So if Kim has a kid it means two things. Jack Bauer is a grandfather and Kim Bauer is officially a MILF.

Then Agent Lohan gets the news that Boss Moss is dead. She takes the news hard, but quickly has to snap out of it because she’s in charge now. It’s kind of like in The Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf falls in the Mines of Moria and Aragorn realizes that he now has to lead the Fellowship of the Ring. There’s no time to mourn. Now I don’t think that Aragorn was having an affair with Gandalf, but I suspect Renee Walker was with Larry Moss, because she asks Janice Garofalo to tell Larry’s wife the news. She says it wouldn’t be appropriate coming from her.

So Agent Lohan mobilizes the FBI, intent on bringing the killer of Boss Moss to justice. Jittery Jack decides to ride shotgun, promising to stay out of his way if he starts to get the shakes. Tony fills them in on the happs at the crime scene but Jack, channeling Columbo, won’t accept Tony’s story because things just don’t add up. Jack suspects that the suspect must have had an accomplice and the bullets just don’t make sense. So Tony scrambles to adjust his story, but knows that Jack is dangerously close to figuring things out.

Meanwhile the fake lawyer, we’ll call her Cherry Pie, visits Hodges in his cell. She works for the big, mysterious power that has been pulling the strings on Starkwood. Cherry Pie lays it out for Hodges. He has screwed up and now must kill himself or they will harm his family. She slips him a suicide pill that looks like a Hot Tamale. I’m sure when he first saw this attractive woman he was hoping she might slip him a little blue pill, not a red one. Later, while being transferred, Jonas pops the pill and goes into cardiac arrest. He is rushed to the hospital.

Galvez finds a building, set the charges and then commandeers one of the FBI’s radios and lures the rest of the agents into the building. But Jack gets a call from the agent that was debriefing him and learns of yet another hole in Tony’s story. He quickly figures out that Galvez has a radio and it’s a trap. But it’s too late for a lot of the agents. The building goes up and the FBI agents run for their lives. That is until Jack orders them to stop and hold the line. If they let this distraction work the bad guy will get away. Jack charges in and finds Renee. She’s feeling the heat from the fire, but she’s okay. But Tony has found Galvez and they sneak him out in the guise of an injured agent.

While Galvez gets away in an ambulance, Dr. Lecter style, Jack confronts Tony at gun point. Predictably, Jack gets the shakes right at the wrong time and Tony gets away.

Speaking of heat, how hot did Renee “Lohan” Walker look when she did that Green public service announcement during a break. If you asked me, I’d say she was the one causing those polar caps to melt. Later on, Tony also does a global warming message, but nobody trusts him anymore, so who cares?

Next week, Jack and Hodges have a seizure contest in the hospital. It should be fun.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

Loss Moss

2009-04-14T00:02:00.010-04:00

1 am

My head is spinning and I am having trouble remembering everything that happened tonight on 24. Perhaps, like Jack Bauer, I am also feeling the effects of the bio-agent. Or maybe it’s just that so much happened tonight that I am still trying to digest it all.

One of the most pivotal and impactful moments in pro-wrestling is when a good guy turns bad. It rocks your world. You never think it can happen and you feel so betrayed when it does. Even a good guy as popular as Hulk Hogan can go bad. Remember Hollywood Hogan? It’s not just wrestling. Anakin Skywalker is pretty much the poster child for turning to the dark side, and ballplayers like Johnny Damon remind us each year that you just really can never know about someone.
Well, we got one of those moments tonight. But I am getting ahead of myself.

We pick up with the White House preparing for the arrival of Jonas Hodges. Jack and Agent Lohan quickly figure out why Madam President has called off the air strike, because Tony sees a truck fueling missiles on the Starkwood compound. Jack calls out the President for not being straight with him. Then the President drops a hint to Jack to do what needs to be done, without giving a specific order. Just like a woman, huh? Why can’t you just come right out and say what you want? What do you want me to do? Am I supposed to be some kind of mind reader?

Luckily, Jack get’s the hint and Tony proceeds with a plan to blow up the missiles. Tony once again overpowers a couple of guards to gain access to the underground bunker. He knocks one out and forces the other to let him in. Meanwhile, Hodges makes himself at home in the Oval Office. He presents the President with a binder complete with a list of demands and stipulations that include making Starkwood a major power holder in the U.S. government. All the while I am thinking that Jon Voight is proving to be the most entertaining villain in 24 history. Don’t you agree?

When the President finds out that Tony has blown up the missiles, she has Hodges taken into custody, but not before he warns her that he’s just a bit player and the worst is yet to come. Well duh, of course it is. It’s only 1:30 am and this season does not end until 8 am. There has to be more.

Madam President calls to thank Jack, and he begins to ask her to consider Tony’s actions in the day’s events when it comes time to judge him. But Jack forgets what he is saying in mid-sentence, thanks to the effects of the pathogen. It turns out this bio-agent will be messing with Jack’s memory and personality. Then Agent Lohan tells Jack that his daughter Kim is here to see him. Jack takes Renee into a room and nearly bites her head off for disobeying his wishes. It turns out that Jack’s real weakness is not so much the virus as it is his love for his daughter. He did not want her dragged into this. But Agent Lohan reveals that she did not drag Kim into this, she had been in DC all day trying to see him. Visibly moved, Jack is taken to see Kim Bauer.

When we finally see Kim, she is not in the tank top from season two, as I had hoped she might. Jack sits with her and the two share a tender moment. Kim apologizes for pushing Jack away and always blaming him for everything. I kept waiting for an apology for House of Wax, that terrible horror movie she made with Paris Hilton. It should have been called House of Crap. They finally hug but Jack starts convulsing, so he sends her away. And even though Jack did not want her to risk helping him, something tells me Kim is going to drop off a few stem cells before she leaves.

So everything seems fine and dandy. Boss Moss and his crew are cleaning up the mess at Starkwood, Jonas is in prison and Tony agrees to be taken into custody to pay for his past deeds. But then one of the FBI agents discovers a Starkwood operative who has just murdered another FBI agent. The operative looks a little like Tracy Morgan and you may recognize him as God (or maybe an angel) in the movie Bedazzled. The FBI guy calls it in to Boss Moss and informs him that the suspect also has a single serving canister of the bio-agent, just before the operative kills him and takes off in a stolen truck.

Janice Garafalo makes a quick appearance to track the vehicle, as Boss Moss flies in pursuit with Tony in tow. When they land, Tracy Morgan Guy shoots at them and Boss Moss is hit. Tony moves to help him as Tracy Morgan approaches with a shotgun. It looks like this is the end for Tony… UNTIL Tony waives him off. What the hell? Boss Moss, like the rest of us, is stunned when he realizes that Tony is in cahoots with the operative. And then Tony kills Boss Moss, just so there is no doubt.

So if you are like me, you start retracing Tony’s steps throughout the season. Why did he do all the things he did. Could Starkwood’s plans really have been that complicated that they had an inside man thwarting their moves all day long, just to smuggle one canister out of Starkwood, or does Tony have a different agenda?

I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out.

Finally, we ended the evening with a public service announcement from Chloe, who asked us to help fight global warming. So we finally get to see Chloe, but not in the way we might have hoped. It was my second unexpected Chloe fix in a week. I saw the movie Sunshine Cleaning the other day and who popped up? None other than Mary Lynn Rajskub.

Next week Jack’s going to have to do some cleaning after the mess Tony is making, and it looks like Hodges may cause some global warming when they try to blow him out of prison.

Let’s end with a moment of silence for Larry Moss.
We’ll miss you, Boss Moss. Farewell.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.