They said just before the show started that tonight this would be the episode that changes everything, and they weren’t kidding. We’ve reached the end of Chapter 1 in this season of 24. We are also reminded that relationships rarely go smoothly or end well on this show. Just ask Dubaku and Marika, Jack and Renee or Sean and Erica.
We pick up with Jack and Agent Lohan pulled over by DC’s finest while the car with Dubaku’s girlfriend heads towards her rendezvous with The Butcher of Sangala. Sean, the FBI mole, has issued the warrant to stop Jack and Renee but appears to be busted by his mistress… until we learn she’s in on it.
Meanwhile, Markia makes it to Dubaku and he gets rough with her for a moment. He’s kind of like a Dog Whisperer with her. First he’s hard on her to show her who’s boss, then he shows her affection. We really get to see Dubaku’s soft side when he expresses his love and asks Marika to still come with him, despite the fact that he is a monster. She agrees, but you now she’s just trying to buy some time. They race towards the airfield and freedom.
Boss Moss gets the cops to back off and the chase continues. Jack takes a detour through the park to catch up with Dubaku’s car, and this subtle move gets the attention of the driver. Jack’s car gets spun out and a pile up occurs. It looks like Dubaku is going to get away… until Marika springs into action and causes their car to flip. Jack and Agent Lohan decend on the wreck and Jack shoots the driver. Jack secures an unconscious Dubaku while Renee tries to pull Marika from the flaming SUV. Jack yells at Lohan to get out and eventually goes to pull her out before it blows, but Renee pulls her gun on him and tells him to help her or else. Jack decides to help.
It’s all part of a bizarre mating ritual we call “The Un-safety Dance.” The more Jack and Renee bicker, disobey orders, torture people, shoot thugs and break the rules, the hotter they get for each other.
Unfortunately, Marika dies. Renee is shaken up, but Lemony Snicket Bauer sees it as just another unfortunate event in a series of unfortunate events. After Renee has to break the news to Marika’s sister, she confronts Jack and smacks him. Does he feel that? Does he feel anything? How can he deal with all of this brutality and death?
Jack tells her you learn to live with it, or you quit. It’s the same message that Bruce Springsteen tells us in the song Tunnel of Love; “You’ve got to learn to live with what you can’t rise above.” If it’s good enough for the Boss, it’s good enough for Jack Bauer.
Then Jack warns her that if she pulls a gun on him again, she’d better intend on using it. Unimpressed with his thinly veiled threat, Renee tells him she did mean it. This is what I suspect Jack Bauer did when she said that to him. I’m surprised he didn’t take her right there in the hallway. In Un-safety Dance terms, that’s like Dirty Dancing or The Lambada. (The Forbidden Dance.)
Jack then has the paramedics revive Dubaku so that he can threaten his family in order to get the list of names of those involved in the conspiracy. When Jack realizes the list is hidden inside Dubaku, the Butcher of Sangala finally gets to know what a side of beef feels like as Jack has the chip cut out of him.
Sean convinces his mistress, Erica, to wipe the FBI servers clean once the chip has been loaded into their system. She’s reluctant at first, but he convinces her with a kiss. Then, after she completes the process, he kisses her again, but this is a goodbye kiss because he shoots and kills her as they lock lips. Then, he shoots himself in the arm to make it look like he was trying to stop her. It turns out he’s even better at inflicting a bullet graze than even Jack. He nicks himself in the arm and barley does any damage. About 10 minutes later is effortlessly bending his arm to put on his coat. That’s pretty impressive for a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
The list seems to be erased, but Chloe ran a mirror, or some nonsense, and recovers the files. So Sean is exposed and caught. It seems as if the treat is over. Yeah, and the girl in the canoe at the end of Friday the 13th was out of danger too, right?
Meanwhile Bill Buchanan has convinced Madam President to go back to the White House, where she can safely meet with her daughter Olivia. (Our girl Sprague.) Bill also puts in a good word for Jack with the Prez and asks her to talk to the Senator from That Seventies Show, who is out to get him.
Olivia wants to go see her father, but her mother wants her to stay at the White House where it is safe. But we find out that the White House is actually an un-safe place. Not in an angry, horney way, like the Un-Saftey Dance. I mean un-safe as in Tony warns Jack that General Juma is planning another attack in DC and the target is high value and high impact. It’s also white and a house.
Next week General Juma (Jamba Juice), the guy who played The Candyman, attacks and infiltrates the White House. How does he get in? It’s simple if you know anything about The Candyman horror films. Someone probably says his name five times while looking in the mirror.
Next week is a two hour extravaganza. Strap yourselves in, this could get bumpy.
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