24- Season 7: 12 am – For Whom the Bell Knowles

12 am

It is midnight, the witching hour, and something is brewing at Starkwood. It’s a standoff between the FBI and the private soldiers guarding the compound. Like an angry neighbor, Hodges pulls up and tells Boss Moss to get off his property. He claims that the President only had permission to search one bunker and it is empty. But Boss Moss and Tony are secretly communicating with Agent Lohan, Jack and Janice Garofalo back at HQ. Jack tells them to create a diversion so they can leave Tony behind, so Boss Moss slugs Greg (Speed from CSI) and Tony easily slips past an entire platoon of guards. Again I am reminded of how hard it was to get past the guards at Costco that time. I wonder if I should have created a diversion. Maybe that would have gotten me in without a membership card.

Jack finds out that Knowles, the Chairman of Starkwood, had been working with ‘That’s 70’s Senator’ to expose Hodges. So Jack puts in a call to him to see if he can help Tony. Sure enough, Knowles sneaks out and leads Tony to the actual location of the bio-weapon, with a little help from Jancie… the wannabe Chloe. And speaking of Wannabe, you know what I want? What I really, really want? It’s Chloe to actually show up in an episode.

At least we got a good dose of Tony tonight. He took over the action while Jack’s health deteriorated before our eyes. We first notice Jack’s hand starting to shake, kind of like the shooting hand of the Waco Kid in Blazing Saddles. But a little later Jack goes into full, wide eyed convulsions, so the doctor gives him a shot he can take every couple of hours to help. He can take more if needed, and he ends up shooting up twice in this episode alone, so we know his condition is bad. He is definitely going to die this time…

…UNLESS there was a little known experimental treatment involving adult stem cells. Oh wait, there is one. The doctor tells Jack that there is an experimental treatment that requires the stem cells of a relative, and Jack just happens to have a daughter with a great set of stems. But Jack refuses the treatment, much to the chagrin of Agent Lohan.

So now we know Jack will be cured and we just might be getting a guest appearance by Elisha Cuthbert. That would certainly help me forget my Lack-of-Chloe Blues.

Meanwhile, Tony and Knowles make it across the grounds, but are delayed at a locked door where their swipe card won’t work. Janice tries to work her Chloe mojo, but a patrol comes by and before Tony can stop him, Knowles distracts the guards, buying them time. I wish they would have asked me for help with the pass card. I know how to fix that. You just put a plastic bag over the magnetic strip and the swipe it. It works all the time at the supermarket when they have trouble reading my bank card.

While Knowles is taken into custody, Tony takes out two armed guards at once and dons the Starkwood uniform so he can freely move about the complex. Knowles ends up back at his office with Hodges, where Hodges expresses his disappointment while he pours himself a drink. Then, suddenly, he whacks Knowles repeatedly with the decanter. (Talk about hitting the bottle.) He tops it off with a push over the balcony and Knowles falls to his death on the lobby floor below.

Then Hodges realizes the gravity of what he has done. No, not that he has taken a human life. He got blood on himself and probably ruined a perfectly good shirt. Maybe there is an experimental stem cell solvent that can fix that too. (Actually, it’s probably an ancient Chinese secret treatment.)

But what’s up at the White House? Not much out of the ordinary. Madam President is once again faced with a helpless situation and Olivia is causing trouble. That pesky reporter from before calls Olivia and tells her he knows about the WMDs and threatens to break the story, so Olivia heads to his hotel, with Big Red (Aaron) in tow. The reporter offers to keep quite if Olivia will give him some sweet lovin’. Realizing what’s at stake for national security, she does what any patriot would do… she puts a flag over his head and does it for her country. But afterwards, when he breaks his word, she reveals that she has taped the incident on her phone and threatens to show his wife and the world if he does not keep quiet. I don’t know… if I was trying to make it big, I can’t think of anything that would propel me into the spotlight quicker that a sex tape with the president’s daughter. I mean Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian both have careers that exploded after their sex tapes came out.

Once Tony confirms the bio-weapon, Madam President orders an air strike, but Hodges calls her just before the bombs fly. He threatens to shoot three rockets full of the bio-weapon at the eastern seaboard if the airstrike is not cancelled. The President, knowing there are not enough stem cells to save all those people, calls off the attack at the very last second.

Next week, while the gang tries to find the missiles, Mr. Hodges visits the Oval Office.
I sure hope he changes his shirt.


Questions? Comments? Feedback? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.