Damn the
Torpedoes
They didn't "train" me for this. |
We start with Jack informing Sexy
Agent Morgan about Navarro’s treachery. Meanwhile, Navarro is on the Dr. Claw
phone, arranging a rendezvous with Adrian Cross at Liverpool Street station so he can trade
the Override Device for assistance with his escape from London. Chloe quickly
finds out that Cross is planning to get the device back so he can hatch a zany
plot to hack into several countries military defenses and somehow make war
obsolete. (Huh?)
Jack picks up Navarro’s trail and
they exchange gunfire in the streets. Navarro, that heartless bastard, shoots
some kegs of beer that Jack hides behind and before you know it, the streets
are running gold with spilled lager. In a day filled with drone strikes and shootouts,
this may be the worst casualty of them all. What a waste.
Cross gets Navarro to drop the
device through a chute and takes possession of it. But then Cross
double-crosses Navarro, and crosses the station towards the trains, while Jack
closes in on Navarro. The double-cross makes Navarro very cross, but then when
he tries to cross the street to escape, he is almost struck by a car and then
is captured. He should have used the crosswalk. Thus Navarro learns that he
should never cross wits with Jack Bauer. I guess that’s his cross to bear.
Did I get my point across in that
last paragraph?
Don't hurt him, Jack. |
Jack is not in there for five minutes before he has resorted to bashing Navarro’s hand to get him to talk. He obviously learned his interrogation technique from Batman in The Dark Knight, who tried a similar thing with the Joker. (See below.) But Navarro insists that he’ll only help them find Cross if he gets full immunity.
Stick 'em up, Navarro. |
Meanwhile, Chloe tries to steal
the device from Cross but he catches her and they head for the Geek Squad
headquarters, where the nerds are preparing some computer stuff for the device.
Back at the residence, Boudreau
speaks to the shady Russian guy and gives him a way to locate Jack via his comm
link. This way they can capture Jack and no one will ever know about his
forgery. Boudreau is very down on Jack right now anyway and even calls out
Audrey for her unresolved feelings for him. But can you blame her? A woman
resisting Jack Bauer’s charm is like a dog resisting the urge to eat a
hamburger that you left unguarded on the floor.
CHAAAAANG! |
So Cross and Chloe arrive at the Geek Squad hideout, but all the geeks are dead. It’s like Regula One, the space station in Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan, where Kirk and McCoy find most of the crew slaughtered by Khan, who is relentlessly pursuing the Genesis Device. But in this case, instead of finding Khan, Cross and Chloe are captured by CHANG.
Who the hell is Chang, you ask?
His full name is PF Chang. He’s a Chinese operative. Years ago he captured and
tortured Jack and then Audrey. He later went on to open a successful chain of
Chinese restaurants with tasty food at a decent price and a fun atmosphere. But
now he is relentlessly pursuing the Override Device.
He takes the device from Cross and
tells them that he needs them to unlock it for him. Chloe refuses until
Chang shoots Cross in the leg. Chloe agrees to decode it but attempts infect
the device with a virus by clicking a link in a questionable email that she
received about male enhancement. But Chang has read her playbook and has one of
his guys watching her on a mirrored computer. So once she has unlocked the
device, he pulls her off the laptop.
Cross, who knows his time is up,
confesses to Chloe that Morris and Prescott where actually killed in an
accident and that he lied to her in order to get her to help him. So she has
been goth all this time under false pretenses. But she does not have much time
to be mad at him because Chang shoots him in the head. So cross him off the
list.
Meanwhile, Jack and Sexy Agent
Morgan drive towards Chloe’s location while they trade stories of lost love,
pain, death, revenge and perseverance. But their chat is interrupted when a
truck full of angry Russians rams into them. Yet another shoot out breaks out
and the Russians don’t stand a chance against Jack and Jill.
Back at the Geek Squad, Chang uses
the device to hack into the USS Massachusetts, a nuclear submarine that loves
the Sox and the Pats and is a lousy driver. (Note: In Mass they call it a sub,
but in other parts of the country they call it a hero or a hoagie.)
Having seen Crimson Tide, Chang
knows how to fake a launch code and he tricks the sub into shooting some
torpedoes at a nearby Chinese carrier.
G-4! Hit! You sank my battleship!
(Or carrier, in this case.) BOOM!
Has Chang just started World War
Three?
What will go first? Heller’s mind
or the western hemisphere?
Will Jack end up in the Jack Sack
with Audrey before the day is done?
Will the dog eat the hamburger?
Tune in next week to find out.
We close with yet another round of
FIND GOTH CHLOE. Can you find our favorite blacked-eyed computer hacker?
Thoughts, comments, feedback?
Leave a comment below. Or hit me up on Twitter at @backinjack.
NEXT DAY NOTE: I just checked and Chang is actually spelled Cheng. Oh well. I write this thing in the middle of the night after the show. Who's got time for fact checking?
Find Goth Chloe |
NEXT DAY NOTE: I just checked and Chang is actually spelled Cheng. Oh well. I write this thing in the middle of the night after the show. Who's got time for fact checking?
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