Tuesday, September 9, 2008

90210 Week 2: Double Stuff

Tonight was round two of the new 90210. Or I guess round three, since they showed two episodes last week. Thankfully, we only had to deal with one hour tonight. I don’t know if I could handle anymore drama.

As I said last week, I primarily tune in to see what’s going to happen with the old characters, and tonight there was a whole lot of cookie before they finally got to the cream filling that is Kelly Taylor’s drunk mother. No Brenda and no Nat tonight. Oh well. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, I guess.

Calling the rest of this show a cookie is actually a bit inaccurate, because these new characters are pretty hard to swallow. First of all, these supposed sixteen year olds act more like they are in their mid-twenties; hanging out in bars and going to see bands. Meanwhile the parents on the show actually act more like real sixteen year olds; going bowling and eating French fries.

But older actors playing younger characters is a staple on 90210, going back to Dylan McKay and Andrea Zuckerman, so I will let it pass. Hell, if I had realized they were going to cast older people in younger roles, I would have auditioned for the part of Jennie Garth’s four year old son. That kid got to lie in bed between Silver and Kelly. I’d love to be the cream filling in that Oreo.

Speaking of Silver, if you caught the premiere of True Blood, that new vampire show on HBO, did you notice her in the opening scene? She’s the girl in the car that gives her boyfriend a “hand” before they encounter a bloodsucker in a convenience store. (The scene is on You Tube, just look up Jessica Stroup.)

Ironically, the theme of tonight’s show was basically that parents suck. They drink, they cheat and worst of all they force you to go bowling. The Wilson parents announce that their Kansas tradition of family night will continue in Beverly Hills in the form of bowling on a Friday night, much to the chagrin of Mini-Bren and Blandon. (That’s Annie and Dixon; the early-Brenda clone and the black Brandon.)

The rest of the gang end up at the alleys, including Ethan, who now has a thing for Mini-Bren. In the most realistic moment of the show, Ethan checks out her ass while she’s bowling. Let’s face it, that’s pretty much the main reason why guys go bowling with girls. However, Mini-Bren has a date with Clark Kent… I mean Ty. He looks a lot like the dude from Smallville, doesn’t he? Does this make Ethan the Lex Luthor of Beverly Hills? If he shaves his head and starts collecting Kryptonite, this show just may start holding my interest.

Meanwhile, Naomi, the oldest sixteen year old of them all, is denied a trip to Vegas by her father, but is given a new SUV to make up for it. When she decides to thank her father by surprising him with some late night dinner at his office, she finds he’s already got a hot little side dish. This makes Naomi all sad and she goes off crying into the arms of Lex Luthor, because he is super, man.

Throughout the show, Silver keeps trying to find ways to avoid going home. She’s also the only kid who seems to enjoy bowling with strong parental figures. That’s because she has a drunk and abusive mother waiting for her at home. At the end of the night, Dixon spots her sleeping in her car and that leads to the rest of the gang learning of her domestic plight. Now, was it just me, or did the rest of you get a slight OJ Simpson vibe in that scene when Dixon is taking out the trash? Sneaking around in a dark walkway by a gate in Beverly Hills… does Dixon drive a white Bronco?

Once Kelly finds out that her mother Jackie is abusing Silver along with the bottle, she puts her budding romance with awkward Ryan on hold. No time for love, she’s too busy saving Silver, man.

Jackie and Kelly play tug of war with Silver, and finally Jackie kicks Silver out of the house. Now Silver can go live with Kelly. This will hopefully enable the writers to recycle plot lines from Jennie Garth’s last show What I Like About You, where she shared an apartment with her younger sister, Amanda Bynes.

Of course, the moment of truth in the war or the Taylor’s was when Jackie demeans Kelly by bringing up her son and the missing mystery father. We get more clues tonight. He’s a guy from high school that she used to have a thing with. Dylan, Brandon? I don’t know, his hair looks a lot like Steve Sanders’. Personally, I suspect the father is Muntz, Steve’s wacky frat brother. But what do I know?

Next week Brenda is back and Dixon brutally murders Naomi and Ethan. He flees in Naomi’s new white SUV in a low speed chase down the 405 while Silver finds a bloody glove by the pool house and posts a new video blog about it, compromising the blood evidence. Meanwhile, Marcia Clark blows off a date with Mark Fuhrman and hooks up with Judge Ito.

It’s just another night in Beverly Hills.

Tata for now.

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