Tuesday, February 2, 2010

24- Season 8.6 - 9pm: Renee is Fragile (Must be Italian.)

9 pm

One word to describe that episode? Filler. This happens every so often each season; they have to set up a few dominoes so they have more stuff to knock over as the day progresses. Tonight we knocked down a few remaining plot lines and we started setting up some new ones.

Renee has passed Vlad’s little gun-to-the-head test and is taken back to his hideout. Jack implores CTU Director Hastings to pull Renee off the case because she’s like a bomb about to go off. Hastings denies Jack’s request. Looney or not, Renee is their only hope.

By the way, I agree with Mr. Bauer. Renee is a bomb, but this is the kind of bomb I think she is.

Meanwhile, Dana has magically reappeared at CTU. Just a few minutes ago she was home with abusive Kevin, so either she lives really close to work or she’s got a Star Trek transporter. But that makes no sense because she was on Battlestar Galactica, not Star Trek, and they don’t have transporters on that show.

Dana attempts to multi-task by doing her CTU work and her dirty work for Kevin at the same time. Then Arlo slithers over to ask her to help him with his over-heating drone, which sounds perverted, but is actually the least perverted thing Arlo says to her the entire time. When he senses that something is wrong with Dana, he asks Chloe about it. But Chloe is bitter and calls him out on being a creep. She also takes the opportunity to let loose on “Little Miss Perfect”, who she is obviously threatened by. She even suggests that Arlo probably wants to check out the junk in her own trunk. And sure enough, when she walks way, Arlo takes a nice long look at her humps and lovely lady lumps. But I’m sure she shook her money-maker a little extra, just because she knew he was watching.

Dana eventually figures out a way for Kevin to get his score. There’s some drug money, or something, being held in a warehouse. She can get him in by making him a pass card and talking him through it on a magic earplug. But Arlo observes Dana & Kevin on the CTU monitor, so now he knows something is up. He probably thinks she’s cheating on the Fresh Prince and will obviously insert himself into this situation in an effort to get laid. I’m taking bets now… who doesn’t survive this? Arlo or Dana?

Meanwhile, Joseph takes his sick brother to the doctor in Mt. Vernon to be treated for the radiation poisoning. The doctor treats the brother as best he can and instructs Joseph on how to administer continuing care. (I wonder if Madame President’s healthcare plan covers prescription drugs for Russian Arms Dealers.) But they are interrupted when their father’s men burst in and kill the doctor. Then they are dragged back to the Russian Tea Room. I noticed that they get back to Manhattan rather quickly… pretty much in less time that it would take just to find a parking space in New York.

When they get back, Sergei smacks Joseph around for disobeying him and then kills his other son. Thank goodness. Nobody cared about that guy and it just took us away from Jack and Renee. And now Joseph has a nice motive for betraying his father. See? One domino falls and another is set up.

The other plotline that got in the way of our Jack and Renee time was Hassan Chop’s continuing mission to round up all of the people involved with the attempt on his life. The international community is getting more and more uncomfortable with Hassan’s brutal tactics, but he doesn’t care. Despite the warnings of his subordinate, he has another one of his cronies rounded up, even though he is a close and trusted figure. Hassan trusts no one. After arresting the diplomat, the subordinate guy calls Hassan’s daughter to inform her of her father’s irrational behavior. My god… I’m just as bored typing this as I was watching it. Hopefully the payoff will be good when they finally knock these dominoes down, because the set up is dragging.

Finally, we get back to Renee and Jack. Vlad apologizes for raping Renee, which he apparently thinks is some sort of aphrodisiac. He’s surprised when Renee rebukes his advances, but he’s drunk… both on booze and love. Jack, who is listening, implores Renee to get out, but instead, she’s going dark… both figuratively and literally. Renee ditches her magic earplug and takes a shower. There’s 20 minutes until the drop, and she wants to get cleaned up, but instead she’ll be getting dirty. (Sex Bomb, Sex Bomb, you're my Sex Bomb....)

Now c’mon, this is unrealistic on so many levels, For one thing, what woman could get ready to go in under 20 minutes? But the shower is a good opportunity for Vlad to force himself on Renee. She decides to take one for the team, and four minutes later, the deed is done.

Jack dons his Harry Potter glasses and assumes his cover as Renee’s partner, Drew Carey, the uranium buyer. Vlad instructs his men to kill Drew Carey as soon as the transaction is complete. Renee unsuccessfully attempts to dissuade Vlad, and he chokes her instead. He’s such a romantic.

While Jack is speaking some impressive German, I realize he also looks a lot like Ralphie from A Christmas Story with those glasses on. But when the Russians make their move to kill Jack, it is their eyes that are shot out, along with their chests and heads. That’s because the Fresh Prince has been watching from a nearby sniper perch with a gun that’s a lot more powerful than an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model BB Gun.

Then Jack calls Vlad and warns him to not to fudge with him anymore. Kinda like when Ralphie finally beats up that bully in the snow. So Vlad agrees to go ahead with the deal.

Next week: Jack and Renee share a tender moment as all hell breaks loose around them, while Hastings gets a leg lamp and Flick’s tongue gets stuck to a frozen flagpole.

Oh Fudge.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Want to get on the email alert list? Drop me a line at jack@backinjack.com or post a comment below.

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